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AIBU?

To have not told him I loved him

68 replies

Fairydust7715 · 12/01/2015 21:01

Not really sure what to say, feeling completely and utterly numb.
Been a long time lurker but only posted once but have very few people in real life to talk to.
Long story short, have had a fwb thing with a great guy for close to two years now, it's been the best two years of my life, we had so much fun together and he was the only one who could put a smile on my face in an instant.
Got a call on Saturday from his best friend saying he had been killed in a car accident, I don't even know this person but he was in the marines and was in Afghanistan last year so had said he would give my number to him just in case he didn't make it back.
Feels like my whole world has collapsed, never going to see him again, never going to hear his voice. Apparently he left a letter for me before he was away last year but I told his best friend I wasn't sure i wanted to read it, I can't even think straight atm, all I want is him back and to tell him what I was always too scared to, that I was so in love with him.
Slight ramble but am sat on my own and feeling lonelier than ever.

OP posts:

Report

crje · 12/01/2015 21:05

If he left your number & a letter with his friend then you were more to him than a fwb.

I'd say he knew and felt the same.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 12/01/2015 21:08

You poor thing. I'm so sorry

If he did you an afghan letter he just have really really cared about you. When you're feeling strong enough, do try to read it.

Hope you have some support xxxx

fuctifino · 12/01/2015 21:08

How heart breaking fairy, I am so sorry for your loss.

My guess is he knew how you felt about him, unless you are extremely poker faced, it's very difficult to hide the look of love.

inneedofsomeclarity · 12/01/2015 21:09

I'm so sorry for that op. You might not want to read the letter yet as everything is so raw but it might bring comfort in the future. Keeping you in my thoughts

Blackout234 · 12/01/2015 21:10

you were clearly more than FWB, just without the "title" very sorry for your loss, YANBU to not tell him you love him, its not like you knew this would happen xxx

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 12/01/2015 21:11

Ps you can still tell him. Whatever you believe, taking to a loved one who's passed away can be very comforting in a strange way

Cantbelievethisishappening · 12/01/2015 21:13

Sweetheart..... if he had written one of 'those' letters then he clearly had deep feelings for you. Those letters are written for nearest and dearest. So sorry for your loss.

SocialMediaAddict · 12/01/2015 21:15

So sorry for your loss.

NickiFury · 12/01/2015 21:17

Oh I am so terribly sorry, this is one of the saddest things I have ever read on here.

I'm pretty sure he knew you loved him and loved you back. I grew up around and then worked with soldiers my whole life, I even married one. There's no way he would have written and left a letter like that for you if you were a casual FWB. Again I am so sorry x

Fairydust7715 · 12/01/2015 21:19

I am meeting with his friend on Wednesday to get the letter but really not sure if I want to read it.
I guess we were more than fwb as it wasn't just sex, we went out a lot and even had weekends away together but neither of us wanted anything serious but guess maybe I was scared to lose him, just never thought I would lose him this way, four tours of Afghanistan and it ends like this.
This is the first time I have lost someone and my god it hurts, just want to see him one last time.

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 12/01/2015 21:20

I'm so sorry for your loss.

weeblueberry · 12/01/2015 21:20

I'm so sorry for your loss. But please really think hard about the letter - it will offer closure no matter what it says.

scousadelic · 12/01/2015 21:21

So sorry for your loss. As others have said, you must have meant a lot to him too if he left you a letter

NickiFury · 12/01/2015 21:22

Keep the letter. I think you would regret it if you didn't. You can read it when you're ready.

elastamum · 12/01/2015 21:24

Am so sorry for your loss. You obviously meant a lot to him too, am really sorry

RandomMess · 12/01/2015 21:25

So sorry for your loss

Northumberlandlass · 12/01/2015 21:26

Oh OP, i have tears in my eyes
This is heart breaking.
Please get the letter, read it & keep it.
I am so sorry x

WooWooOwl · 12/01/2015 21:30

You're doing the right thing by meeting the friend, it will probably bring him comfort to meet you too. You will know when the time is right to read the letter. These things just happen. It might be straight away, it might be weeks, there are no rules.

And you can still tell him you love him. It won't be the same, but tell him anyway.

Fairydust7715 · 12/01/2015 21:33

Thank you all, never thought I would feel comfort from strangers but it helps.
Will get the letter on Wednesday and then decide what to do, I just can't think further than the next hour atm.
Makes it harder trying to hide this from my kids, obviously they didn't know him or anything about him so keep having to go to the bathroom when I can't hold it together.
He would laugh at me now as he always said I was emotionless but he knew me so well, he was so young, why does this happen to the good people in this world.

OP posts:

Clobbered · 12/01/2015 21:38

So sorry for the loss of your dear friend/lover. I hope talking to his best friend will bring you some comfort, and perhaps, in time, his letter.

Why hide it from your kids? You are grieving the loss of a dear friend who was very close to you. They didn't know him, but it doesn't mean they can't know about him now, does it? Why hide away. Kids aren't daft, they'll work out something is wrong.

MinceSpy · 12/01/2015 21:43

Fairy I am so sorry for your loss.

WooWooOwl · 12/01/2015 21:44

I agree that you don't need to try and hide it from your children. It's ok for them to know that you're sad because your friend who you cared about died. But it might be easier for you not to tell them just now because you probably aren't in the frame of mind to answer any questions.

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ShinyHappySteeple · 12/01/2015 21:49

I am so so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself xx

Pandora37 · 12/01/2015 21:50

I'm so sorry, what a horrible shock for you. :( I agree that he probably knew that you loved him but I understand that it's very hard knowing that you'll never be able to say it to his face.

I hope your meeting with his friend helps you. I would take the letter, I think it's probably too raw to read right now but I would save it for a few weeks time or whenever you feel stronger. Have you got anyone to talk to? It must be difficult if nobody knew about him but please do reach out to others if you can.

ArsenicFaceCream · 12/01/2015 21:51

So sorry to read this OP

Will your friend be able to let you have details ofthe funeral or memorial service? It would probably be good for you to go.

You could just slip in.

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