Hi all, will bullet point for clairty.
4dcs : ds 16,dd 13, ds 11.5, ds 10.
STBXH and MIL live 3 hours away in northerntown.
Ds1 does not want to see STBXH but wanted to see Granny.
To spare STBXH feelings DS1 wanted visit to be secret.
(I would not even think about asking granny to travel to where we live, she is very elderly)
I contacted SIL in Northern town to try and arrange "secret" visit.
SIL told STBXH everything. DS1 was very upset taht STBXH now "knew".
Visit is arranged, Due to traffic, journey takes 9 hours round trip ( should have been 6) for a 1 hour visit.
Unknown to us ,2 days later STBXH and granny were in our town visiting a sick acquaintance.
If DS1 had just happened see STBXH it would have really, really upset him.
I know its STBXH and granny's choice to visit who they like, when they like but
AIBU to think STBXH could have
- Spared his DCs 9 hours in the car.
- At least warned DC1 that he was in our town.