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AIBU to think I'll be stuck in the house forever?!

(66 Posts)
Binglesplodge Fri 19-Dec-14 17:18:14

My DS is 9 weeks and I'm starting to try to get the day into some sort of predictable routine as he is pretty much refusing to nap in the day and is getting very upset and overtired as a result.

The more I read about routines (I'm leaning towards Baby Whisperer) the more I don't understand how we're ever going to be able to leave the house! If all naps are to be taken in his crib and awake time is to be limited to 90 mins or so, then I don't see how we can even get to the postnatal class I've booked, or to the mum and baby group at the health visitor clinic as both of those would be excursions that would take far longer than the "allowed" waking period... How do you do it? Do we stay at home for the next several months so that he can nap on schedule? I'm finding the baby groups etc vital for keeping me cheerful by letting me chat to other mums. If he's supposed to always sleep in his crib I can't even see how we could go out for a walk on a nice day as it would have to be a very short one!

Help! I'm a first time mum and I pretty much feel like I'm flailing around trying to work out how to spend the day and get him to nap...

Binglesplodge Fri 19-Dec-14 17:22:34

I should say I realise this is a selfish perspective - if the answer is "yes, you need to stay at home with your baby" then I totally will. However, I can't see how people with babies could ever get the shopping done, take other dc's to school, etc if having a baby automatically means being housebound...

tak1ngchances Fri 19-Dec-14 17:22:58

Watching with interest as I havecexactly the same issue!

angeltreats Fri 19-Dec-14 17:23:30

My baby is only three weeks old but I've found she instantly settles when carried in a sling and can sleep tucked in there. I have a Close Caboo. It's made it a lot easier to get out and about. Not a long term solution or the answer to starting a routine but great if you have a narky baby and want to leave the house.

londonrach Fri 19-Dec-14 17:24:30

It gets better. Honestly it does and you not alone. You wont be stuck alone in the house forever. Could you invite a rl friend over with a similar age baby and then hopefully they return the favour. Congratulations. By the way x

magpieginglebells Fri 19-Dec-14 17:27:19

I have a 16 week old, I haven't read any books so don't know any theories. I find my daughter naps best when we're out and about and will sleep for longer when we get back so I try and take her out for a walk or a drive every day. I'm in no real routine but she does sleep well at night so just going with the flow at the moment.

trilbydoll Fri 19-Dec-14 17:29:20

I used to try and do the following:
Get up, breakfast, feed baby
Walk / drive somewhere while baby slept
Baby usually woke up for shop / baby group etc
Have coffee, feed baby
Walk / drive home while baby slept

The massive disadvantage of this is that you can't sleep when the baby does! It does allow you to go out though. I don't think you can realistically be at home for every single nap when they are tiny. I am not a routine person though!

We do now ideally need to be home for DD's nap but she is 19mo and has one 2.5h nap so it is a lot easier to structure your day around it.

DaisyFlowerChain Fri 19-Dec-14 17:30:34

Depends if you want to follow a rigid routine. I was out and about within two weeks as was bored silly home all day. Walking was good exercise and it's very easy to shop with a newborn as there is always something they need. DS napped in his pram if needed and we had no set routine so it was all very flexible.

BsshBosh Fri 19-Dec-14 17:32:40

Does your baby fall asleep in buggy? My DD (now 6yo!) would drift off to sleep if I took her outside for a walk, so this way I got to go out twice a day come rain or shine.

HeyMacWey Fri 19-Dec-14 17:35:45

Congratulations! You won't need to spend the next year house bound.

I remember my health visitor telling me that it doesn't matter where they nap. Mine hated going in the cot during the day and would only sleep on me at home or when we were out and about walking.

Mine hated sleeping in the day time but used to get really tired so I just put them in the pushchair and went out for a walk. After a few weeks they kind of got used to the routine and eventually napped in their cot.

Don't stop going out and meeting people - most baby stuff tends to be in the morning so then you can get home for an afternoon sleep/walk in the pushchair. If you're lucky you'll be able to get back home and leave him to sleep in the pushchair.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Fri 19-Dec-14 17:35:45

I've got a 6mo old and I never worried about routine then. its only this week i'm starting to try for a routine to fit with solid food.
She slept better when being rocked by car/pram or sling.
In my opnion just do what works for you. Like the PP said when they are older they have a longer and set nap time you have to be home for that but for now go out and dont worry about routine. fsmile

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Fri 19-Dec-14 17:37:08

Ps: I also found it very hard to settle in the house but fresh air and pram or the car seat was like magic.

Boomtownsurprise Fri 19-Dec-14 17:38:40

Stop!!! Step away from the book. No point reading it. Baby hasn't. Nobody is more expert at your baby than you. Ever.

Secondly a routine is a set of things you do at a similar time each day. That's it. No more difficult. Think about your day. I wrote it down over two weeks. I had major routine panic. Did this and realised we actually had one! I'd just been so flummoxed by info I hadn't noticed!!!!

What time do you wake? What happens? Wash dress nappies? When is breakfast? Then what's the time? Do you play next? Then have a cuppa? What's the time? Baby tired? Check the time. Up? Check time. Snacks? Play? Pop out? Check time. Lunch? Tired? Time. Up? Play, out, cuppa? Check time.

I bet these are all similar, give or take 30 mins or so over two weeks.

If it helps, nappies might end up roughly every two hours, often coincides handily with snacks or naps. And you might find it easier to think of baby's "lunch" at/around 11:30. That way you can get in all feeds and naps. And baby's can go down for the night quite late. Don't panic if that's the case. Just watch them. Soon enough I could tell the time by my baby. No clocks involved. For about (now 4 and two years respectively).

Good luck and congrats!!!

Boomtownsurprise Fri 19-Dec-14 17:40:51

Definitely recommend walking! Massive weight loss tool, good for both of you and it's just nice to be out and amongst the human race again....

BendyMum15 Fri 19-Dec-14 17:41:14

I don't think having a set in stone routine is necessary as long as there is some predictability in the day. For example when DS was a baby I would take him for a walk in the pushchair at more or less the same time each day to get him to go to sleep. He would not sleep in his cot and I figured the important thing was that he napped not where he napped.
If I needed/wanted to go out then I did. I think its important that I get some interaction with other people to keep me a sane mummy!
With DD there was no way I could stay at home as DS would have got bored and been a nightmare. DD just slept in sling/pushchair and I still take her for a walk/push her up and down the living room to get her to nap if we are not going out that day.
I found getting into a good bedtime routine invaluable though. We do bath, stories, feed, sleeping bag, bed and have done from an early age with both. However, it may alter slightly sometimes due to getting home later than planned for example.

It does get easier and more predicatable but don't feel that you have to lock yourself away for months to get a routine.

Purplehonesty Fri 19-Dec-14 17:43:23

I went out for morning groups and when it was his nap time let him sleep in the pushchair.
We were home for the afternoon sleep.
To start with tho and for the first few months I slept when he did and rarely got out of the house before lunchtime.
Oh the bliss of having one baby and being at home to nap during the day...!

Binglesplodge Fri 19-Dec-14 17:58:58

Oh gosh. If I wrote it down there would be no sign of a pattern! And at 9 weeks my ds's main occupation is crying. This may be related to the lack of sleep in the day. We've tried going to the shops with him in his pram but he just cried the whole time so I'm not keen on doing that again... Unless we go out the day involves feeding far too often just to avoid the crying. I sometimes try to settle him for naps but usually give in and let him feed to sleep once he's been awake for hours and is obviously over tired. I feel like we need a routine because he's not a baby who will ever just go to sleep of his own accord, no matter how many cuddles I offer (he doesn't like the ) or how long I bounce or rock him (he'd go for hours). We have a sling: sometimes it works well, and sometimes he'll scream in it until I give in.

I honestly do feel like I'm drowning at the moment...

monkeytroubles Fri 19-Dec-14 18:01:20

I could have written your post when my DD was about 10 weeks old and had decided that naps were the devil. I read the Baby Whisperer and became a bit obsessed with it all, finding myself missing mum and baby groups and turning down invitations from friends as nothing was allowed to interfere with the nap schedule! I quickly realised that this wasn't good for me or DD. You can't be expected to stay shut in the house all the time, that's a recipe for lonliness and depression. I think a routine is important but it has to have some degree of flexibility or the whole family become slaves to it. So I decided that as long as she had a nap in the morning and a nap after lunch I wasn't going to stress about the exact time of the naps or whether they happened in her cot, in the car or in her pushchair. Maybe it's just a coincidence but when I relaxed a bit DD seemed to relax as well. She stopped fighting naps and slept better at night. She still likes her routine and her mealtimes and sleep times are pretty predictable but if we have the chance to go out and do something fun and it coincides her afternoon nap I don't stress about it. 9 weeks is very young still, give yourself a break. Nobody expects you to have it all figured out at this stage.

soverylucky Fri 19-Dec-14 18:02:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Binglesplodge Fri 19-Dec-14 18:03:08

I think perhaps the problem lies in the fact that unlike previous posters, there's no way I could simply "let" my DS sleep in his pram if I went out. Getting any sleep requires hard work! If I go out with him he's awake the whole time, getting increasingly cranky...

muddylettuce Fri 19-Dec-14 18:47:00

I think routines are important...as is a social life! I think it's good to leave the house once a day even if it's just for a walk. I used to go to 2-3 classes/groups a week. If you're out and baby needs to sleep, it will sleep! Now DD is 18 months she isn't quite so easy to get to sleep and she usually naps in her cot after lunch so we mostly do morning stuff. I can't remember when we implemented cot naps, I think when she went from two or three naps to one, around 7 months? Definitely not at 9 weeks anyway. X

Boomtownsurprise Fri 19-Dec-14 18:50:33

Colic...? Does it get worse at early evening? Have you tried infacol? Before feeds for three days. Or gripe water...?

Boomtownsurprise Fri 19-Dec-14 18:52:23

Might not be but one of your posts sounds like dd1. Nearly sent me bats at the time....

furcoatbigknickers Fri 19-Dec-14 18:55:04

Just go and do what you need to do and take baby along for the ride. That includes getting out and talking to other adults for your own sanity. And like you quite rightly pointed out, with other dcs life goes on. I for one would hate to have such a rigid routine that uou have to be at home at certain times.

furcoatbigknickers Fri 19-Dec-14 18:57:32

Umm that doesn't sound normal. Is he gaining weight? Perhaps he has reflux?

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