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To tell you that I'm gay?

(68 Posts)
GetBackInTheCloset Sun 14-Dec-14 22:21:16

There. I said it blush.

This is the first time I have ever admitted to that even online. I don't think I could dare to come out in real life. I've even name changed for this as I don't even want this linked to my regular NN just because of the small chance someone might recognise me <paranoid>.

I've only ever had relationships with men and am constantly lying through my teeth about who I'm attracted to.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I just need to say this at least once.

Pagwatch Sun 14-Dec-14 22:22:41

Ok .

Wolfiefan Sun 14-Dec-14 22:23:49

How sad you feel you have to be paranoid and put an embarrassed face in your OP! I'm glad you felt you could admit this here. That takes bravery given how you feel. xx

joanne1947 Sun 14-Dec-14 22:24:07

Being gay is normal, natural and nothing to hide. Some people are biased bigoted idiots and dislike gays but they are wrong not you.

southeastastra Sun 14-Dec-14 22:24:15


minipie Sun 14-Dec-14 22:24:37

YANBU to tell us.

Hope you feel able to tell people in RL soon.

skylark2 Sun 14-Dec-14 22:24:46

YABU to think that I'd care either way. Even if I knew you (which I guess I might), I don't judge people based on whether they've told me they are gay or not.

I'm sorry that you don't feel confident about telling people in RL, and I hope saying it here helps.

PortofinoVino Sun 14-Dec-14 22:25:30

Well, you've taken one giant leap GetBackInTheCloset. Well done smile

DoubleValiumLattePlease Sun 14-Dec-14 22:25:31

So we don't know you and you don't know us and nobody who really matters to you knows that you're gay?

Right-o then.

raltheraffe Sun 14-Dec-14 22:25:36

Nothing wrong with being gay, bi, trans. However if you are in a long term relationship with a man the best thing to do is tell him. DH's dad lived a lie and MIL only found out when she caught FIL in bed with a man. If you are in a long term relationship you need to sort this out.

Got99problems Sun 14-Dec-14 22:25:58

Sorry you haven't yet been able to be open about this in your real life. I hope this is a helpful first step for you. IME people are much more open minded these days, so you might be surprised by the reaction.

carlywurly Sun 14-Dec-14 22:27:07

I mostly feel very sad for you that you feel you have to live this lie.

SamCroClaus Sun 14-Dec-14 22:27:30

nothing wrong with being gay

DoubleValiumLattePlease Sun 14-Dec-14 22:27:41

Giant leap how Portofino? I appreciate it can be difficult - maybe impossible - for some people but name changing an already anonymous name and announcing to a zillion anonymous people - that's not any kind of a giant leap. I urge OP to get some RL help - if she needs it - to make the out of the closet thing an everyday reality for herself as it absolutely should be.

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease Sun 14-Dec-14 22:28:00

First step OP - good luck coming out to people in RL. smile

lemisscared Sun 14-Dec-14 22:28:07

southeast - why ur?

OP, i hope that posting here helps you - its ok you know, you didn't stop being you! The people who love you will probably make shock faces when you first tell them, maybe some of them will make [Of course i always knew it anyway] faces. If they love you, um, even if they like you, in fact, even if they are just decent human beings they will not chane their attitude towards you one little bit.

I hope that you manage to tell people when you are ready and that you find that special person who will make you happy.

WineWineWine Sun 14-Dec-14 22:28:49

Now you have told us, you can tell other people.

Hassled Sun 14-Dec-14 22:29:32

What's the problem with saying it in RL? Family/friends? Is that a real fear based on what you know of them, or just how you think they might react?

My 80 year old very old-school FIL has taken the news that 2 of his grandchildren are gay completely in his stride. He said to DS2 "well, you're still the same pain in the neck you always were, aren't you?!". People surprise you sometimes, in a really good way.

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 14-Dec-14 22:29:33

You will have to tell someone else soon. You deserve to be happy. You can't live a lie.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 14-Dec-14 22:29:51

Well done smile

Hope people in real life are very supportive and that you can become 'who you are' everyday without needing to hide. Xxx

stubbornstains Sun 14-Dec-14 22:30:43

Well done on taking this first step smile.

qazxc Sun 14-Dec-14 22:30:45

Life is too short to be living a lie. Whoever you choose to love or have in your bed is entirely your business.

raltheraffe Sun 14-Dec-14 22:33:19

I do not know anyone who is judgemental about people being gay. DH does not have a problem with his dad being gay and nor do I. Even MIL does not mind about him being gay, but she does dislike him for a lot of other reasons.

slithytove Sun 14-Dec-14 22:33:43

Well done. smile

How did it feel saying it?

GetBackInTheCloset Sun 14-Dec-14 22:34:10

I'm not in a relationship right now. I was until recently but I'm single now.

I wish I could be honest but it's not that easy. My family are very judgemental and they already judge me and criticize me for things that aren't my fault.

I have a mostly invisible disability and they are constantly passing judgement about how it effects me and the struggles I face with that and the help I get for it. So I dread to think what they'd do if I came out. Probably disown me or something. I don't want that to happen because I don't really have anyone else.

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