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So aibu?

(57 Posts)
whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:08:45

Ok so...

SIL who is an letting agent tells me that she doesn't give certain people tenancy because she "doesn't like the look of them"

Her words... well I showed some women round the flat the other day and when I got back to the office I said she's not having it I don't like her...

There was also another girl that was young wanting to rent a flat MY SIL had looked her up on Facebook and read her status' saw one that said OMG I'm so wasted and was like she's not having it....

We started talking about this and I said it's discrimination. Just because she got drunk and put it on Facebook doesn't mean she would be a bad tenant. Her reply was so what does it matter to you we just told her that the tenant didn't want someone young in the property (again I believe this is a terrible if not illegal thing to do?)
So here comes hour long discussion (argument ) where I'm trying to tell her you can't discriminate against someone just because you don't like them or the look of them. Like what gives you the right to make that judgement of someone else? Her replies where we'll I'm still going to do it what you going to do report me.. not understanding or accepting at all what discrimination is. This i might add got me rather piss ed off.this is followed by her sticking her fingers in her ears and saying blah blah blah. So i said im really starting to dislike you for this so she kicks of has a paddy and storms to the front door (like a child) saying well you didnt like me anywayyyy !So this all ends with me telling her to fuck off out my house.

A little background of my SIL. she is young herself has a job working for a family member and we'll gets "special" treatment for that fact.. I think she's on a power trip and thinks she runs the joint... but she has also lived a very sheltered life only ever worked for family so no real world experience in that sense only one relationship the one she is in now. And can have a childish look on things/come across as a bit of an idiot but not in a struggles with intelligence kind of way. I might also add that she is one of those girls who wasn't the cool kid in school if you know what I mean and she always seems to be putting down young girls who like to wear lots of make up or whatever and I've assumed it's because it makes her self feel better? I don't know though I'm just guessing but I've tried to explain to her that just because someone where's lots of make up it doesn't make them a bad person or a slug. Anyway hopefully you get the picture.

So basically I want to know aibu to try and get the point of discrimination across to her? Is it ok for her to do that as an agent because from a business point of view it makes sense?

Please help me get my head round this.. its nearly Christmas and I could do without a family feud!

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:10:54

Slut* not slug!

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 14-Dec-14 10:11:45

Some might say the reason for meeting the tenants is to check them out before entrusting your precious property with them.

Others may say that's what the deposit is for and let it to anyone.

Who knows?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Sun 14-Dec-14 10:12:47

I don't think its any of your business.
She may be U but this doesn't make it your place to reprimand her.

You sound like you really don't like her anyway so perhaps you're better off not speaking?

RojaGato Sun 14-Dec-14 10:14:10

YANBU, but maybe you are being unrealistic? Doesn't sound like she is mature enough/have the kind of life experiences to grasp what you meant about discrimination when you brought it up...she might need a bit of drip feeding over a while to get there.

BTW my auntie, now retied, told me that whenever she was on an interview panel (she worked in a council's education office for years) she would give a woman a job if they looked fatter/weighed more than here, would oppose an appointment if they were thinner than she was. Didn't even enter her head that this was wrong in any way. WTF?

RojaGato Sun 14-Dec-14 10:14:27


LaurieFairyCake Sun 14-Dec-14 10:14:27

How to avoid a family feud?

Stop arguing with her and criticising her about stuff that's none of your business.

And you sound really judgy about her school stuff and saying she's on a power trip.

She's not drowning puppies, just being a bit of a twat - and if the letting agency doesn't succeed she'll have to change her perspective or someone she works with will step in.

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:14:29

Not at all I do like her.
I just really didn't like the fact she was so blasé about discrimination! What happened to equality? Surely we can't all go around judging books by their covers? Maybe I'm wrong... that's why I'm here

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:17:21

Also not judging about school stuff. I know it for fact all told to me by herself we had a resonably good relationship before this.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Sun 14-Dec-14 10:17:52

You're not wrong about discrimination, but you ARE wrong to push an argument with her about it, when it's really nothing to do with you.

I'm surprised that you claim to like her too, as the rest of your post was basically slagging her off.

AuntieStella Sun 14-Dec-14 10:18:35

It is illegal to discriminate on the basis of any characteristic protected by law. If you think she is breaking the law, then you do need to speak to her.

For anything else, it's legal. You might not like the idea of getting references (either on request, or by checking someone on-line) but it's been going on for generations. You might think it is morally wrong to assess circumstances in this way, especially on high high subjective points. But I don't think it's something you will be able to get across to her (unless you are an even more successful letting agent yourself, or know one who would have a word).

fluffyraggies Sun 14-Dec-14 10:20:07

auntieS i was just trying to find the right words to say that smile

I find the word discrimination a bit wrong here.

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith Sun 14-Dec-14 10:21:14

I had to let my property out for a while and I relied on my letting agent using her judgement to find me a suitable tenant, which she did.

It is a fact of life that we judge people. It is necessary that we make judgements. Although it does seem that your SIL is making purely personal judgements and not professional ones IYSWIM.

ThrowAChickenInTheAir Sun 14-Dec-14 10:23:01

Hm well I've always thought that over sharing on FB is probably going to lead to people from other areas of your life possibly looking at it and making a judgement about you. Maybe unfairly, but then that's the risk..

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:23:08

See I really didn't argue with her not to start with. I was simply trying to explain that it's discrimination to say those things well in my eyes anyway.
The same way I'd explain to my gran you can't say "darkies" anymore.. not in an argumentative or accusing way simply that this is how it is. She turned it into an argument by basically being selfish and a bit of a bitch.... If I had corrected her for being racist would you be telling me in none of my business and that I'm sagging her off?

Sn00p4d Sun 14-Dec-14 10:24:07

Wow. I'm glad you're not my SIL!
How do you know that her employers don't encourage this? To have you go on about it until it got to the point she stuck her fingers in her ears and you told her to fuck off out of your house?! Smashing!

How she conducts herself at work is none of your business, whether you agree with it or not. You clearly dislike her from your paragraph of judgey "background". I'd suggest you leave it.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Sun 14-Dec-14 10:24:41

No, but you didn't correct her for being racist.

Fairenuff Sun 14-Dec-14 10:25:51

I think you are way to much into her business.

You can tell her that you don't agree with her view of judging people by their appearance. However, it's not unusual for potential employers to look up candidates on facebook, for example, it's become another tool to try and assess a person's character.

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:26:17

Maybe that's the issue whereismy
Maybe I should be accepting she is making a profession judgement.. but to me they feel very personal.

A professional judgment would be they had previous history of bad tenancies or drug users (drugs being bought on premises) surely you can't guess these things just on what someone looks like?

fairgame Sun 14-Dec-14 10:27:35

She's not the only letting agent to act like this. I once went to look around a house and the letting agent told me that most landlords don't like single parents because they don't look after the house. But luckily i seemed nice and decent so he would recommend me. Lucky me! hmm
They did me a favour really, I went and found another letting agent who didn't openly discriminate against me just because my jackass ex had dumped me.
Letting agents need to find decent tenants otherwise the landlords won't use them again when the house needs re-letting. It's not a nice thing to do but i imagine it is rife within that industry.

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:27:52

Snoop. Her employer is her aunt.. I know her aunt tells her to do this. It's not just my SIL I think is behaving wrongly. She said herself her aunt cuts corners and won't take on a tenant if she doesn't like them... but how do you make that judgement?

fluffyraggies Sun 14-Dec-14 10:28:22

It is illegal to discriminate on the basis of any characteristic protected by law

It is not illegal to think someone looks a bit dodgy.

It's a million miles away from thinking someone will be a bad tenant because of their skin colour. Cant you see this?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Sun 14-Dec-14 10:30:14

Because difficult tenants are a real pain in the arse and almost impossible to get rid of.
I'd be going on gut feeling too, not just accepting the first applicant. It's people's properties you're talking about.

whatintheworldwarzz Sun 14-Dec-14 10:30:57

That's exactly what I'm talking about fairgame!

Well clearly I should stop worrying about how other people in the world are being treated and should just concentrate on this that direct me only..... charming

grocklebox Sun 14-Dec-14 10:32:16

I wish the agent who ran the property next to my last home had been a bit more discriminant when choosing tenants, then we wouldnt have had several years of misery living next to a string of assholes who shouldnt have been allowed to rent bowling shoes, let alone a house. And yes you could tell a lot from the look of them and from their facebook profiles.
Its not discrimination and its not your business anyway.

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