AIBU to put a note through my neighbours door re her noise complaint??

[FayeFruitLoop]

Back in September I believe a new lady moved into the flat below us. we were up early one morning (6am and getting ready for a trip away. At 7am I put my 2 year olds shoes on and he ran up our hallway) shortly after the lady below came up to complain about the noise - there was no music/tv. Just the 2year old wearing shoes (laminate floor but thick underlay) and myself and DH chatting/packing and the tumble dryer.

We apologised, explained it wasn't a usual occurrence and said we'd make sure we didn't wear shoes whilst indoors as well as look into runners at her request. She then said the tv noise is also too loud and affects her health... We don't own a tv I do watch tv via my phone and the laptop sometimes but the volume wouldn't be able to go up as loud as an actual tv.

I have since taken to using headphones other than when the 2 year old watches the odd DVD in the daytime.

Today I receive a noise complaint letter from the council that was made on Tuesday morning... (When I was out swimming with the toddler) of course there would of been the time from 8am to 9am when I was getting him ready that day though...

I haven't yet been able to afford runners but have been extra conscious of noise from the floor, banned my child from running indoors (he used to enjoy cruising the hallway) and I put him to bed at the latest by 9pm and usually 8am. I don't get him up before 7am. I'm so paranoid I'm constantly listening to how much noise my own footsteps make and tiptoeing after/before 7-9 daytime hours.

I don't know what on earth I can do more, previous neighbours didn't complain and I'm sure we used to make far more noise. I do live next to a flat which has 3 school age children and I hear their noise myself but it's nothing other than everyday noise certainly wouldn't class it nuisance so there is the possibility that noise is travelling from that property...

Or I suppose the small chance that the noise complaint didn't come from this lady at all? Seems very very unlikely though.

WIBU to put a note through her door? And how should I word it if I did?

I could understand if it was a complaint over a child tantrumming as they are frequent currently due to his age, or over him singing his lungs out but again it's not something I have much control over and I'm doing everything I can already to minimise noise

I was thinking of something like:

Dear neighbour,

I understand you made a noise complaint, I can only apologise if the noise level is unacceptable to you but I have been taking these measures since you came up back in September and feel there is little more I can do. Im not entirely sure the noise you are experiencing is coming from our property considering this. I also do ensure any noise only happens between daytime hours. Please feel free to pop up next time the noise level is unacceptable to you as it may help me to identify what it is exactly that is causing you a problem and clarify if it is our property or not.

That said... I don't really want to drop my next door neighbour in it if it's her kids the lady is hearing. Should I speak to her also? Should I check with others if they're hearing too much noise from us??

[FayeFruitLoop]

Forgot to say she works nights so sleeps during the day...

[professornangnang]

Not sure what to suggest but she sounds completely unreasonable. It's not like you're making noise at 3 am.

[MokunMokun]

It's not your problem. You have a right to live in your home and the council will tell her that too. Just ignore it.

[FayeFruitLoop]

I know professor... But on the other hand this is a usually supportive friendly block so I want to diffuse any tensions if possible despite my instincts wanting to go and rant at her that she's being rediculous.

[whois]

Normal family noise at normal times. Just stick to no shoes inside and I don't see how you are being U.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

You are not making anything other than perfectly normal noise.

If you admit in a letter anything like unusual or abnormal levels of noise they will use that as evidence.

Why admit to something you have not done. You live in a built up area with houses full of families it is unreasonable (both legally and morally) to expect everybody else to cease to normally live in their house because you don't like it. That is what she is expecting

[Nelehwelly]

She is being unreasonable. How could you possibly make less noise and still continue your day-to-day living? She's 'hearing' things that don't exist (I.e. your tv).

I'd put a summary of your activities forward to the council, and leave the burden of proof up to her.

[professornangnang]

Ah she does night shifts. To be fair, that's not your fault. You're being as conscientious as possible. Normal noise during daylight hours is the norm. She needs earplugs!

[PixieofCatan]

YANBU, she is. The council will happily tell her that as I'm guessing she likely told them that the noise complaint was about noise before 7am.

[PixieofCatan]

Oh, missed the night shifts. Even so, when you work different hours to everybody else, you invest in earplugs. It's inevitable that anywhere you live will result in you being woken up otherwise!

[londonrach]

We not allowed to put the washing machine etc on in our block of flats (its in the terms and conditions) after 9pm and before 9am apart from that your 'noise' is just normal every day living although noise from shoes not good. Who did the complaint come from, the council or the letter through the door?

[KatoPotato]

No, no, no, no! You're watching tv with headphones? no. She's got you tip-toeing in your home? no.

She can bore off! I'm quite sure noise complaints would escalate to a professional with sound equipment coming and assessing this racket your supposedly making and tell her the same!

Please live you life in you home in peace.

[owlbegoing]

The noise she's hearing is probably from your neighbours next door.
When flats are built so close together so that you've got 4 properties sharing a wall (2 up, 2 down iyswim) it's difficult to work out where the noise is coming from.

[Nelehwelly]

And if she works nights it's up to her to find a way to block out the noise of normal daytime activity. The world can't stop turning during the hours of daylight just because that's when she sleeps.

[AnyoneforTurps]

As a shift worker, I feel her pain but you can't expect the rest of the world to close down, just because you're trying to sleep. You sound incredibly reasonable and conscientious, OP.

TBH, I'd stay away from sending notes - they tend to make things worse, no matter how well intentioned.

[FayeFruitLoop]

Thanks all. It feels nice to have some support and assurance.

I suspect it is my next door neighbour as she would be getting her kids ready for school prior to 7am... Should I warn her? That said, what could she do herself even so?!

I won't 'admit' to things I'm not doing, that is good advice. Maybe better not to put any note to her at all then?

[WD41]

I wouldn't say anything to her, in note or in person. She's either crackers or is hearing noise from somewhere else.

Respond directly to the council.

[LookingThroughTheFog]

OP, I would not put a note through her door at all (or the other neighbours). See it as a formal thing, and call the council directly to discuss it with them, saying that you've taken certain measures, don't have a TV etc.

I certainly wouldn't invite her into your home to discuss things she feels is a problem - I've seen too many threads on here from people who've done that!

It's possible that she will want you to make compromises that simply aren't possible, and by inviting her to comment on specifics, you've opened the negotiations there yourself. The noise people at the council can guide you about what is acceptable to maintain your own standard of living while not encroaching onto hers. That's their job.

[ScarletFever]

reply directly to the council and tell them what you have put here and ask them to ask the person who reported to let you know WHEN there is a problem so you can investigate the cause. Be clear about what you have done and the changes you have made.

[WhatWouldJoanDo]

I think no note. See her in person if you want to open dialogue

[FayeFruitLoop]

Londonrach - the noise complaint letter came from the council.

It also stated amplified music as well on it but when I called the council to find out when the complaint was made etc and what was said he thought the music box had been ticked in error so not sure about that... My side neighbour on the other hand on Sunday afternoons plays her music loud enough for me to hear though but again... Not a nuisance noise as it's mid afternoon.

Your all right... This has got me living on edge in my own home and I shouldn't be afraid to walk normally (in socks) down my own hallway!

[FryOneFatManic]

Then walk normally in socks down your hallway. Councils won't do anything about normal daytime noise, and shift workers need to sort themselves out for daytime sleeping.

[FayeFruitLoop]

Thanks everyone for your voices of reason, definitely don't want to open negotiations with her since she's obviously unreasonable and Id likely one day get fed up enough to tell her to pee off and buy earplugs which would of course make things worse.

No note is the way I shall go. I like the suggestion to write and ask the council so I will do that.

Would you/should I speak to the side neighbour? If it is her flat, am I in effect dropping her in it if I do/don't say anything to her

[MissMooMoo]

our neighbours upstairs have a 3 year old that runs up and down the hallway regularly until 11pm-midnight.
it drives me crazy but I just accept its a part of living in a flat.
I haven't and I won't complain about it, life is too short and they are just living life normally.
do NOT speak to her about it she obviously has sensitive ears and likes to complain.

[BreconBeBuggered]

Noise can travel weirdly. I live in a semi-detached house and every day I can hear footsteps overhead when I'm in on my own. Either there's a very active ghost up there, or it's coming from my next door neighbour's house. Must be even trickier to judge noise in a block of flats. Don't engage with the complainant. Let the council untangle it.