DC3 (11m) has been unwell all week. 36Hrs of constant uncontrollable temperatures above 105F and several trips to see the GP, we were bluelighted to hospital with a HR of 220 and irregular heartbeat. she was taken straight to resus where I spent several hours with her, while they ran every test under the sun and tried to stabilise her heart rate and work out what was wrong with her. We were transferred up to the PHDU late afternoon ish and carried on having ECGs, bloods and constant obs. I didn't even touch my phone for more than 5 minutes to call my husband until 2am, at which time I was completely wiped out.
She improved massively over night and moved to a side room and then discharged by the next evening.
My husband was busy with work and DCs1 and 2, so he didn't tell anyone who didn't cross his path and needed to know about what was going on. I spoke to a friend who came to bring us supplies in hospital because we had left with nothing, but i didn't call my parents. I will probably tell them when we exchange our weekly emails or phone call.
MIL was told a few hours after our discharge, when she moaned about how we hadn't been to her house straight after school to watch her open her birthday presents. 
she completely flew off the handle at both of us, asking why we hadn't told her, telling us how she needs to know because it's her grandchild, her flesh and blood and that we couldn't possibly understand her point of view until we have GCs of our own. That it's unfair to not tell her, because we are talking about the child of her child here. The tirade carried on for quite a long time. Not once did she actually ask how DD was or what was wrong with her. It was all about her.
I understand that she wants to be told these things, but while in resus, she was the furthest thing from my mind, then we needed sleep. She wouldn't have taken time off work to come an to the hospital, an hour away, or helped out with the other DCs (whom she cancelled on midweek because she was dyeing her hair), so we told her at the first convenient opportunity. If DD had continued to be seriously ill, or stayed in hospital for longer we would have let her know.
This isn't the first time one of our DCs has been hospitalised, and in the past she has refused to help with anything when dc2 was critically ill, made us pick dc2 at 2am from her house when dc1 had to go to a&e with a snapped femur because she needed to sleep so she could go shopping the next day, and last time we didn't tell her until discharge because it was so brief, wasn't serious and it was still all about her.
AIBU?
to not have told MIL about dc3 in hospital until things had calmed down
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 15/11/2014 15:06
Of course you weren't unreasonable, Christ it sounds like you and your girl have been through a terrible ordeal 
, good to hear she is recovering.
Ignore the woman, she sounds selfish and self obsessed, how did you react to her outburst?
After coming home from hospital it really sounds like you needed that shit from her
It's not like she heard it from Facebook or a couple of weeks later and I find it quite tedious when people are in hospital constantly updating everyone - your priority was your child, and rightly so. Hope everything is ok now op 
You were very inconsiderate.
She wanted to have a really good moan at how you hadn't been there for her when she opened her presents, an d what did you do? You came out with a really good, life and death reason for not being there. Not a half arsed, "oh, sorry, we were a bit busy", but a real "we couldn't come because someone nearly died" type reason.
Of course she was angry! 
(I hope DC3 is on the mend. 
and 
).
sanity that sums it all up quite well!
stillstaying yes, sorry, I meant to say our relationship with her. Tired!
DD is recovering well, I think. Mostly sleeping it off and causing my norks to want to explode and no longer scary. Thank you.
Well! I sincerely hope you've given your 11m old a telling off for being desperately ill on your MIL's birthday. Surely she could have waited so that MIL could have you there to watch her open her birthday presents.
I'm sorry your little girl has been so ill and that you've got such an astonishingly self-centred MIL.
You do know it would have been perfectly acceptable to rant back at her that you didn't tell her due to ehr compelte lack of interest on previous occasions?
She's hard work because you and your DH are nice people who consider other people and try to keep the peace. She on the other hand sounds self centred and has no concern for others at all, except as extensions of themselves.
You need to find your inner tiger and lay down some boundaries - if you keep trying to 'manage' her she will walk all over you.
NaiceHam.
Seriously, I think Nomamma's post is spot on. But letting it wash over you will be much harder for your DH than for you. This is his Mum, after all.
I'm pleased DD is on the mend. Could you express some of that extra milk?
I have to say, I almost chickened out of putting my thread in AIBU because I thought maybe she was right and I was blindly and selfishly unreasonable.
Thank you for not ripping my head off.
I'm starting to feel quite wobbly about the last week now. 
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