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To think I am not too young to have a baby?

(83 Posts)
FlyingHamster Mon 01-Sep-14 10:16:22

I don't think I am but a few comments from friends have made me start doubting myself a little bit.

A bit of background - I am 23 and me and my partner have been talking about how we would like to start trying for a baby soon. I have worked since I was 16 and am now earning a good wage, my partner also works and earns a good wage. We also have our own house now. It's not like we're struggling with money or struggling to feed ourselves so we can afford to bring a baby into the mix.

However the reaction from friends has been surprisingly negative. They are mostly the same age as me but they seem to be under the impression that I'm too young and that I will be throwing my life away if I do this. They have been telling me that at my age I "should" be out having fun, going out to nightclubs and getting drunk and going places.

Except I have already done all of those things and quite frankly I'm getting bored of some of those things. I did party a lot in my mid to late teens and was out clubbing every weekend back then. I enjoyed it then however over the last couple of years I've gotten bored of it and now only go out drinking once a month if that. I'm happy with that however I have people who think I am turning "old" and "boring" too soon but that's a whole other thread.

I have also been to various places and whilst I want to travel some more one day I don't think starting a family now will mean that can't ever happen.

So now I'm worried that a lot of people will be thinking I'm too young except they won't want to say it out loud. Even though I shouldn't really care what other people think hmm.

ValerieTheVodkaFairy Mon 01-Sep-14 10:22:02

I can't see why you shouldn't. I am in my twenties too, and I am married, have a primary school age DD, and am trying for no2. I have never been particularly interested in clubbing and all the other things that people in their twenties are 'supposed' to be into.

It seems to be a one size fits all expectation that all you should want to do is party, until a magic switch is flicked aged 30, whereupon you suddenly want to have babies and bake cupcakes.

It's bollocks. There is no rush to have children, but if you are in a good position to have them, and you very much want a baby yourself, then there is no point putting it off for another 5 years, just because it's what society expects of you.

Cantbelievethisishappening Mon 01-Sep-14 10:25:05

Why are you so wrapped around other people's opinions especially when these people are telling you that clubbing and getting battered should be your priority. How will their opinions affect you?

Itsjustmeagain Mon 01-Sep-14 10:26:16

I had two by the time i was 23 of course you are not too young if the situation is favourable I have loved having my family young. We have 5 now and I am 31 and we still have plenty of time to decide if we are "done" so i wouldnt change it at all.

I know that people will say "live your life" " see the world" but we have done that with children I think its a little odd to act as though life is over once you give birth!

SmallBee Mon 01-Sep-14 10:28:16

While there is no rush to have kids & my advice is always to try & do some of the bloody awesome holidays per kids, I think if you feel ready to have them then you're ready to have them.

The disadvantage might be that as you've said many of your friends are not in your head space, that you might lose a few of them, but then where they really worth having?

The main advantage is that you'll still be quite young when you're kids are off at uni or similar & you can do all the fun stuff then grin also as younger parents you'll be healthy & have loads of stamina to keep up with your kids. I'm 30 & I have no where near as much energy as I did at 23 & I've just had my first. (No that everyone is a lazy so & so like me!)

If you're ready, do it. It's amazing & you'll love it.

TheMaw Mon 01-Sep-14 10:30:23

Nope, YANBU. I started trying for a baby when I was 22 and didn't get pregnant until I was 28, after being on clomid. I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to conceive easily (no periods) and I'm glad I started early.

I think if you are ready, go for it!

Iconfuseus Mon 01-Sep-14 10:32:20

Your friends are probably afraid.

I've observed this sort of behaviour in a few social groups I've been connected with and I've noticed that the first person to pass a particular milestone e.g. living with someone, buying first home, marriage, babies etc always faces a bit of fight back and criticism from the group.

I think it's because deep down people are a little intimidated. People measure themselves against others and can secretly feel like they have to keep up.

On some level they may feel, even if they are not aware of it or able to put it into words, that you having babies means they have to keep up. Or that they are immature in comparison to you.

I'm not suggesting that you've given them that impression, but they may well feel that way.

I don't think you are too young at all. I wish you good luck.

fishfingerSarnies Mon 01-Sep-14 10:33:58

Sounds like your in the perfect place in your life to have a baby.
Not that long ago 23 would not have been considered young to have a baby.
I think go for it, I'm 28 and a lot of my friends are still drinking and clubbing and "enjoying life" but I do not miss it.
My dd is the best thing I've ever done.

Mrsjayy Mon 01-Sep-14 10:34:11

I had my 1st at 21 im 40 odd shes an adult near your age no of course you are not to young. My friend cant get her head round me having adult children hers are still in primary she thinks its strange how we are the same age and at different stages in life

TalcumPowder Mon 01-Sep-14 10:36:42

Obviously, your choice, and physically, you're in the best possible place to have a baby now, AND equally obviously there's no compulsory life timetable where you're supposed to be clubbing, drinking and travelling until 30, but are you considering this because you really want a child, or because you're a bit bored with your life as it is? There are slight hints in your OP that this might be the case, and it would explain the (to me) quite odd situation that you seem to be consulting other people on the wisdom of trying to conceive at 23...?

I'm in favour of waiting a bit, personally, unless there are reasons not to - my friends who had children quite young (and I would still class you in that category) have frequently said they wish now they had postponed it a bit. You know yourself best, of course, but your life does change utterly in ways it is difficult to predict the impact of, and I don't just mean not being able to live a constant round of drinking and clubbing, as your friends seem to think you should...

seasavage Mon 01-Sep-14 10:38:27

It is none of their business. If you and your partner feel it is the right time then great.

cherrybombxo Mon 01-Sep-14 10:38:31

I don't think it's too young. DP and I are both 24 and would love to have a baby just now but right now we'd rather save to buy a house first and get some savings behind us. Trust me, if I had a bit more financial security I'd be seriously thinking about it too!

I say go for it.

LarrytheCucumber Mon 01-Sep-14 10:39:09

I had my first DC at 23 and second at 24. My DSis had her first at 19 (married at 18). It has just become 'the thing' now to delay having children. If you want to, do it. We felt we grew up with our children and it was lovely.

Mrsjayy Mon 01-Sep-14 10:41:23

The op is settled with her partner has a job somewhere to live suggesting she is a bit bored is quite condescending when is the right time are 35yr olds in the same position not bored then.

ConferencePear Mon 01-Sep-14 10:41:41

I know someone, now in her sixties who tells how, when she had her first baby at 32, was put in a special room near the nurse's station because she was an 'old mother'.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Mon 01-Sep-14 10:42:24

No you are not too young. I was 22 when my DD was born, 21 when I found out I was pregnant. I did get quite a lot of comments (some from family saying I had thrown my life away - worst from my Dad, clearly forgetting my Mum was only just 21 when they had their first child!).
However, it was the right decision for us. Although she was not planned we couldn't be happier.
We had DS 3 years later, so at 25 I had both my children.
We were as ready as we would ever have been, we were both earning plenty at the time, had our own home etc.
As things have turned out, had I waited till I was 30 there is no way I would be having any children. My health is poor and I lost my job because of it. I am glad we went ahead with our children when we did.

Vitalstatistix Mon 01-Sep-14 10:43:41

I was only a couple of years older than you when I had my first, and 15 months after that, my second.

Mid 20s is not too young to start a family. It depends entirely on the maturity of the individuals. There are some in their 20s who still are kids - clubbing, gaming, ironing done by their mum, etc. And that's fine. And there are some in their 20s who have entered adulthood, with thoughts of pensions and mortgages and putting their feet up after work with a nice glass of wine grin and that's fine too.

So if you feel ready - emotionally, financially, etc - then really it is your choice.

They don't get a vote, tbh.

Sallyingforth Mon 01-Sep-14 10:44:26

You are in a stable relationship, both working and in your own house.
You'll need to think about the financial implications with a baby - losing your own income or paying for childcare.
But if you both want this baby, go for it, and the best of luck!

Mrsjayy Mon 01-Sep-14 10:46:55

My mum is in her 60s yes she had me young any way she had my sister at 32 and yes she was a geriatric mum mum and had extra prenatal care

I think if you really feel the time is right then it is. I had mine at 37 and 39, I am now 47 with two children still at primary school and am quite envious of my peers whose children are late teenage and beyond. Having them when I did was definitely the right time for me though, it's totally an individual decision.

Maybe your friends are just a little afraid of you moving onto another life stage without them.

MamadotheBUMP Mon 01-Sep-14 10:48:16

Stable relationship most important thing IMO. I had a baby at 21 after working since 16 and living with partner for 3 years. Becoming parents is tough at any age but also fab smile xx

FelixFelix Mon 01-Sep-14 10:50:12

I have just turned 24 and was 23 when I had DD in December. She was a surprise baby, and i was very unsure at the start but now she is my world. The only thing I struggle with is at the baby groups I go to and my NCT class, I am the youngest by at least 10 years. I am finding it hard to make friends with babies as I don't have anything in common with them. As the first of my friend group to have a baby, it's quite difficult. I also wish we had travelled more!

If you're ready then go for it. It sounds like you're in a good position to start a family.

snappycow Mon 01-Sep-14 10:50:50

If you are both working and can afford it I would say you're not too young. People mature at different ages. It reminds me of the recent comments by Kirsty Allsop - I completely agree with everything she

kentishgirl Mon 01-Sep-14 10:51:42

The average age for having first child has been creeping up, and it's starting to make what was once a perfectly normal age (early 20s) look like 'early'. More babies are being born to older mothers than younger ones now.

I think the reasons for this are complex and more to do with society than the individuals. Work, career, finances, owing home etc make people postpone it, not wanting to go out clubbing (on the whole). It sounds as though the two of you are very stable and sorted, so these societal pressures to wait are not relevant.

Personally, I think there are huge advantages to having babies early or late. I think in the middle, in your 30s, which is becoming the norm, is the hardest time to have children.

Bouttimeforwine Mon 01-Sep-14 10:51:48

Personally, I'm glad I waited till I was older and had "lived" more. But we are all different and what is right for some is completely different for others.

You know if you are mature enough to handle the change to your life, responsibly.

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