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AIBU?

to not want to leave my children alone in self contained basement bedsit below house?

58 replies

babbitsmum · 30/03/2014 20:08

DH, DD1 (5) , DD2 (3) and I are going to USA to stay at father-in-law's house for a fortnight. We 4 are going to be sleeping in a self contained basement bedsit underneath father-in-law's house. The bedsit has its own ensuite bathroom. The bedsit is not accessible from inside the main house. It has its own entrance from the outside. The house is in a quiet residential area and I believe it is not obvious from the outside of the house that the separate basement bedsit exists.

I have told my DH that when the children go to bed, one or both of us will have to stay in the bedsit with them. He is annoyed because he thought we would be spending the evenings together with his father-in-law up in the main house. Effectively it will mean one or both of us sitting in the dark with the children for the whole evening, perhaps reading with a small light, or going to bed early with them.

DH has suggested that we could stay in the main house but use a baby monitor. However, I am uneasy about this for a number of reasons 1. My instinct simply tells me I should not be leaving them on their own in what is effectively a self contained dwelling. 2. Young children should not be left on their own with access to a bathroom due to risk of drowning (this in my mind is possibly only a theoretical risk as both children are probably sensible enough not to run a bath by themselves/are unlikely to fall down the loo!) 3. If we heard sounds on a monitor that indicated something was amiss eg.sounds of the children in distress or noises of an intruder, would we necessarily be able to reach them in time, as we have to exit the house and go outside and down to the basement?

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable?! Or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:

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WaitMonkey · 30/03/2014 20:10

YANBU at all. I wouldn't be happy doing this.

pookamoo · 30/03/2014 20:11

What will the weather be like? Would you be able to sit outside, rather than in the main house? You could then keep an eye on the door.

I wouldn't be happy, myself.

Coldlightofday · 30/03/2014 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 30/03/2014 20:13

Is there really not room for you to stay in the main house?

douchbag · 30/03/2014 20:14

I would agree with your dh and use a baby monitor for at least some of your stay x

phantomnamechanger · 30/03/2014 20:14

YANBU and I would not do it. But you will get plenty of people telling you to stop being paranoid and that 1000s of parents leave/left their DC in hotel rooms and holiday chalets and they came to no harm.

GreenLandsOfHome · 30/03/2014 20:14

They're only little and they're on holiday. Do they have to 'go to bed'?

Couldn't you cuddle them up in a separate room up in the main house with blankets and a DVD and then carry them back asleep when you go?

GreenLandsOfHome · 30/03/2014 20:15

But yanbu. I wouldn't do that.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 30/03/2014 20:16

Sounds like the same as being upstairs/downstairs in a house. I don't see any problem with it with a monitor. They will be sleeping anyway, how many times are they going to wake up once in bed? why can't you spend time with your FIL?

Hamsolo · 30/03/2014 20:16

I don't want to say paranoid, because I think they are totally understandable worries, but in your position I might leave them with a baby monitor, while we both went upstairs. We live in a Victorian conversion and are considering having dinner with our upstairs neighbour some time, while our baby sleeps in her own cot. We'd take the monitor upstairs with us. I haven't decided yet - it'll depend on whether the monitor works from upstairs for one thing.

One option might be a video monitor, that way you're not just relying on noise. You could then see that they were still in bed, for example. We do have a video monitor. I have slight paranoia about a fire or something that meant we couldn't get back in...

Sorry, I'm no help am I!?

AgentProvocateur · 30/03/2014 20:16

I agree with your DH and use a baby monitor. You'll still be very close, but just through two doors. It's not that different to sleeping two floors apart from your children, which is what we did.

Artandco · 30/03/2014 20:17

I would just leave them in main house until your all ready to go to bed. Can sleep on sofa if needed

RubyRain · 30/03/2014 20:17

I think greens idea is super!

GreenLandsOfHome · 30/03/2014 20:18

Sounds like the same as being upstairs/downstairs in a house

Sounds more like you being in a house and the kids being in the house next door to me. The fact they are above/below makes no difference-they are seperate dwellings.

Late · 30/03/2014 20:18

You may feel differently when you see how it is and it is not for anyone to disagree with you when you are trying to be the best carer you can but since you asked for opinions I totally agree with you YANBU.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 30/03/2014 20:18

It is not a hotel it is her FIL's house (self contained in its own garden I presume). The staircase is outside instead on inside. BUt yes I agree with pp, it is holiday time, do they have to go to bed?

AtSea1979 · 30/03/2014 20:21

I agree with you OP, I would not be happy leaving them, however as others have suggested maybe put them to bed in main house and carry them back?

Emubaby · 30/03/2014 20:21

Agree with others. Put them to bed in fil's house then carry them down once you are ready to go to bed.

wheresthelight · 30/03/2014 20:23

I agree with you that your dh is being unreasonable!! Your kids are too young to be left alone in what is a separate living space. Those telling you otherwise clearly never heard about Madeline McCann!!

They are still babies and need to be looked after!!

Can they not stay in main house or curl up with a dvd like other posters have suggested?

Coldlightofday · 30/03/2014 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatever5 · 30/03/2014 20:36

I wouldn't want to leave them in a self contained apartment by themselves. That is no different to leaving them in the house next door by themselves which is not something most people would do.

I would probably just let them stay up late. Hopefully they will wake up quite late in the morning.

jendot · 30/03/2014 20:38

I WOULD do this but I would take a baby monitor. But at the end of the day it's all about what you feel comfortable doing.

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Caitlin17 · 30/03/2014 20:41

I wouldn't leave them on their own with a monitor but I don't understand why they can't fall asleep in the main house nor why you'd have to sit in the dark if one of you
is with them.

FrancesNiadova · 30/03/2014 20:43

I didn't do it when mine were 8 & 12. We hired a gite in France & their bedroom was in the basement with no connecting door to the rest of the gite. We would all sit outside together & move the dining room furniture & put their mattresses in the dining room. The loo & bathroom was in the main part of the gite along with the dining room,kitchen & our bedroom. We made it into a fun indoor camping adventure!
I would use sleeping bags in the main house for indoor camping, then take/ carry them downstairs with you when you all go to bed.
Have a good holiday!

Rexandralpf · 30/03/2014 20:48

I wouldn't. My kids would also have to sleep and would struggle to stay up.

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