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to ask which toilets to use

(65 Posts)
wimblehorse Thu 20-Feb-14 14:35:52

I read a thread on here the other day about a dad taking his daughter into the female changing rooms at a swimming pool. I had thought clearly he should have taken her into the male rooms if she wasn't able to change herself & that is what any sensible person would have done.

A friend said that her husband had been told off for taking his daughter (5) into the female toilets over the weekend. She didn't think he was in the wrong because the woman had a separate cubicle to use, he didn't want to leave his daughter to use the toilets by themselves & there wasn't a disabled toilet they could use (whole other thread I know). I asked why he hadn't taken her into the mens toilets & she gave me a shock that I would even suggest such a thing.

I have ds's & when they're with me, they come into the womens toilets (age 5 &2). When they're with dh they go into the mens. If we needed to change a nappy & the unit was in the disabled toilet we'd use that.
I get that sometimes mens toilets are a bit smellier & less clean than the womens, but unless they really were a health hazard & unusable I don't get why he wouldn't have taken her into the mens. Men don't generally wander around flashing their knobs in restaurant toilets do they?

Then I started wondering at what age will IBU to bring DS into the women's with me?

SauvignonBlanche Thu 20-Feb-14 14:37:58

It is the sex of the adult with the child that determines which facility they should use.

ilovepowerhoop Thu 20-Feb-14 14:42:21

ds is 7 and will go to the mens toilets himself. I agree that it is the sex of the adult that determines which toilet they should use.

TheListingAttic Thu 20-Feb-14 14:43:58

Hmmm. No, I think I'd rather use women's because of the separate cubicle thing, whether I was mum with son or dad with daughter. Haven't spent much time in men's loos, so don't know how much knob-flashing they do, but they have to get them out, don't they?! Which isn't an issue in the women's with separate cubicles.

Mind you, under that system, the ruddy queues would be even longer....

Triliteral Thu 20-Feb-14 14:44:17

Might there be urinals in there, or is it all toilets in cubicles?

Stinklebell Thu 20-Feb-14 14:46:44

From my, limited admittedly, knowledge of men's loos, there's usually a couple of cubicles as well as urinals

I've got 2 girls, if I was there I took them in the ladies, if they were just with DH he took them in the men's

Sirzy Thu 20-Feb-14 14:47:10

Until about the age of 7 (dependant on the child) they go into the appropriate sex toilet for the adult they are going with. Then they go into the right sex toilet for them with the adult waiting outside.

wimblehorse Thu 20-Feb-14 14:48:38

I don't know if there were urinals there. But surely urinals "face the wall" so all she'd see was a row of backs to her? I've never seen a man in women's toilets accompanying a girl. If I did I would be shocked but probably not enough to complain...

Lucylouby Thu 20-Feb-14 14:49:53

Men shouldn't go into female toilets. It doesn't matter if they themselves are using the toilet or taking their child in to use the toilet, adults should only go in the appropriate room for themselves. I think it is really strange that any adult would think it correct to use the opposite one. Dd is 7 and if she is out with her dad now she will go in by herself to the ladies. Ds is 5 and would still come in the ladies with me and dd2 aged 3 would go in to the men's with DH if I wasn't there.
I read the thread where a man was in the ladies changing room and thought he must be a right perv. I would go mad if I found a man in the ladies changing room or toilet.

Stinklebell Thu 20-Feb-14 14:50:23

Sorry, got a bit trigger happy with the post button.

Until they were about 7 (bit younger with DD2 as she'd go in with her older sister) they went in the men's if they were just with DH, after that, they went on their own

wimblehorse Thu 20-Feb-14 14:51:42

Oh I see - do some mens toilets have just urinals and a couple of toilets with no cubicle around them? <Clearly hasn't spent enough time in mens toilets>. If that was the case I can see why would be a bit odd for girl to have to sit down to wee in full view of everyone.
Jeez poor blokes having to poo in full view?! Why would they not make a cubicle?

gimcrack Thu 20-Feb-14 14:52:20

I've got two boys. I take them to the ladies' and my DH takes them to the men's. DS1 is five, so I don't see a problem with him in the ladies'. But I can't take him in there forever.

There was a case where a man raped two young brothers in a McD toilet, which has always resonated with me. Prior to this, I would have sent mine together when they're a bit older as i woukd have assumed they'd be safe. Obviously, this was a rare case, though.

MunchMunch Thu 20-Feb-14 14:53:09

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest if a man came in with his dd tbh. There are lots of toilets shared between men and women, I'm in a cubicle so he isn't going to see me sitting on the bog. A man did come into the female toilets with his dd once, I think I was at disneyland paris at the time. Not sure if its more acceptable in France.

SauvignonBlanche Thu 20-Feb-14 14:54:14

Adult males have no right to use female facilities!
When a female child is old enough to not want to use male facilities, they are generally old enough to go on their own.
Being able to go to the loo on their own is a skill girls usually acquire at nursery age. I know my DD started to not want to go into the 'smelly boys' with her Dad at about 5.

TheListingAttic Thu 20-Feb-14 15:00:03

Saw the changing room thread and think that's completely different - it's a changing room with naked people wandering around! Toilets, with cubicles, I think are completely different. You frequently get male cleaning attendants going into the women's/see signs about it, and it's never occurred to me to bat an eyelid about that.

But I seem to be in the minority!

Sirzy Thu 20-Feb-14 15:02:34

There are signs up warning people if there is a male attendant in though so if a woman for whatever reason doesn't feel comfortable with that they can make the choice to not use the toilet.

There is no reason for an adult to use a toilet not designated for their sex.

MrsTembe Thu 20-Feb-14 15:11:10

I don't care if a man brings his daughter in to a ladies loo. I have privacy in the cubicle, I wash my hands in the sink, dry them on my jeans and leave.

Wantsunshine Thu 20-Feb-14 15:14:39

My DD 5 goes to the men's when with DH. I would be horrified if he went to the ladies with her and would hope he had a gaggle of women chasing him out hitting him with handbags!

Huitre Thu 20-Feb-14 15:15:22

Even if a small girl saw a man's penis in the men's loos, what harm would come to her? She is with her dad and seeing a penis isn't going to do anything to her (apart from possibly spark a few questions). Presumably she has seen her dad's penis? Or does he not wee when he takes her out?

Having said that, I can't imagine being that bothered by having a man with a small girl in a separate cubicle to me in the Ladies, any more than I am bothered by women with small girls in separate cubicles. If they wanted to come and have a look, there'd be a problem.

maillotjaune Thu 20-Feb-14 15:28:14

If the child needs accompanying then the adult goes to their designated toilets.

The child may complicate things - e.g. DS3 is dyspraxic and was not confident going to the men's alone at 5 or 6, due to struggling with clothes and bottom wiping so I'm sure some people looked at this strapping lad in the ladies and wondered why I brought him with me - but I don't think there is any grey area in terms of which toilets the adult should use.

For the record, male attendants in the ladies don't bother me and I'm not put off by toilets in some bars and restaurants in France where the facilities are actually unisex, but I know many women are uncomfortable with men in these spaces and their views are the ones that matter.

whossauhnafuffafwayay Thu 20-Feb-14 15:28:39

Daddy with daughter = disabled toilet.
Mummy with son or daughter = ladies' or disabled toilet.
Daddy with son = men's toilet unless it is particularly minging or full.

Lambsie Thu 20-Feb-14 15:29:53

In the local public toilets there is a disabled loo in each set of toilets so if a carer is with an adult/ older child of the opposite sex, someone has to go in the wrong sex toilet.

ProudAS Thu 20-Feb-14 15:30:43

Cubicles or not certain sounds (e.g. changing sanitary towels) can be heard in women's loos. A lot of teenage girls feel quite self conscious about this sort of thing without a man being present.

gamerchick Thu 20-Feb-14 15:32:33

um mens toilets do have a cubicle.. i've never met a mens toilets that doesn't hmm with a door and everything.

i agree.. the sex of the adult, determines which toilets to use.

GrandadGrumps Thu 20-Feb-14 15:37:14

Men's toilets are generally disgusting filthy places and I always hated taking my DS and DGS into them. I would never, ever have dreamed of taking my DD into the men's and I can't remember ever having seen anyone doing it. I've no idea how we got round the problem when DD was small, except that maybe her mother was always around.

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