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about (less-than-D)H's trip to Dublin?

(88 Posts)
OAM2009 Fri 07-Feb-14 13:08:08

We have a 10 month old baby who will not sleep anyway but has an ear infection at the moment. We also have a 3.5yo and a just turned 5 year old. I was 40 in December but stayed local due to our young family. DH told his dad he wanted to go see Wales play Ireland in Dublin in the rugby Six Nations so his dad booked flights, a hotel, got tickets and off they go!

He'll fly at 5.30am tomorrow and land back here at 5.30pm on Monday. AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off that he's done this?

nogreythatmatters Fri 07-Feb-14 19:14:06

He did well getting tickets for the Ireland V Wales rugby international.

I know loads of people who unsuccessfully tried to get tickets for it, they are like gold dust.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Fri 07-Feb-14 18:55:27

Why, to top it all, is your MiL visiting that w/e as well?! Has your FiL figured out you don't like him?!

Mishmashfamily Fri 07-Feb-14 17:33:31

Oam your dh is a knob for letting his father continue this way

OAM2009 Fri 07-Feb-14 17:24:48

blush sorry, did not mean to drip feed. There actually was a genuine reason - my relationship with my FIL is currently very fraught (on my side, at least, he's as insensitive and ignorant as usual). I didn't include those details about our relationship as I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable about a simple weekend away, because he is involved (started it all).

kitsmummy, clearly, you've met my DH. That is exactly what I thought and have bollocked him for - manipulative B***ard angry

mynewpassion Parents in law as childcare was not my first choice as I would have asked local friends to help but DH wanted them to be involved and they did it for DS1. FIL does actually do most of it, has changed nappies, etc. (This time round, DS3 born at 3pm. DH went home at 9pm to all lights on, TV blaring and both children still dressed and downstairs. PIL were were gone within 30 minutes of DH returning and didn't come back till baby was 10 days old.)

anothernumberone Fri 07-Feb-14 17:17:24

Definitely NBU. I would say no about MIL too. Has your DH any siblings who can take care of her? TBH your DH sounds a bit of an arse.

mynewpassion Fri 07-Feb-14 17:12:24

But she was going to watch the older children while op was in labour. Her condition has not changed. Fil, able bodied was going to be there to assist her. If he is an arse, it is likely mil would have done most of the caring for the children.

Laquitar Fri 07-Feb-14 17:07:20

Oh i have missed a whole post there - sorry.

Blimey, NBU then.

Laquitar MIL is going to stay with OP - she has mobility problems, only has use in one arm and will be no help at all.....OP will be looking after her as well as the kids!

kitsmummy Fri 07-Feb-14 16:52:18

I thought you were unreasonable but now, due to your drip feed update, YANBU, there's obviously one set of rules for you and one for DH.

Your FIL is obviously an arse but so is your DH. He "jokingly" asked for this, surely knowing the was a chance it would happen. I think his "joking" element was done to get him off the hook so that he could pretend that he hadn't instigated it.

Laquitar Fri 07-Feb-14 16:43:48

Since Fil booked the weekend away how about mil coming around and give you a hand? You can even go to a cinema or something if dcs sleep.

If you stay on your own make sure you take it easy, get a dvd for the older children, a nice take away for you, and a bottle of wine.
When he is back arrange a night out with your friends.i wouldn't book a spa myself just because i dont like them.

muser31 Fri 07-Feb-14 16:42:49

ynbu he needs to make sure your rrelaxation time is prioritised as well as his, and also discuss plans with u.

whois Fri 07-Feb-14 16:40:44

Massive drop feed!

SlimJiminy Fri 07-Feb-14 16:39:44

FGS, don't let MIL come to stay if she will be more of a hinderance than a help. And I don't mean due to her disability. They just sometimes are.

I'd be pissed off too - about your birthday and now his.

Hmm... fwiw, here's what I think I'd do: weekend away without him/kids. A pub/B&B somewhere fairly remote with a log fire and wine. And a mate and/or decent book for company. A belated birthday treat that won't be cut short this time...?

glasgowsteven Fri 07-Feb-14 16:35:40

He should have refused straight off,

Sorry I cant get that day off work.

Really sorry, but I did say they were not suitable.

But its happening now so suck it up, and tell you husband this never happens again

Joysmum Fri 07-Feb-14 16:29:27

Why couldn't you have put those rather important details in your OP? Far more relevant than ill children. Complete waste of time posting on your opening post hmm

KiwiBanana Fri 07-Feb-14 16:29:09

Well I don't think there's much you can do about it now unfortunately. I would however, be making sure DH knows in no uncertain terms that something like this must NEVER happen again. Trips away are fine if they are discussed and everyone is happy with the arrangements, this is obviously not one of those times.

Would it be possible to cancel your MIL coming at least? Get DH to do it obvs.

Then get planning a night out with your friends soon, sounds like you could do with a bit of letting your hair down time. Just don't come back because the baby is crying this time!

squoosh Fri 07-Feb-14 16:24:24

Yep, totally different spin.

On balance YANBU.

That puts a different spin on it OP - so you will be looking after the kids and MIL!

Regarding your b/day when DH asked you to come home really you should have just said no, you were out and he will have to deal with it.

I don't know what the answer is though - sounds like your FIL put your DH on the spot/in the shit and he doesn't have the balls to sort it.

No wonder you are pissed!

OAM2009 Fri 07-Feb-14 16:15:42

Thank you everyone for your comments. I am taking on board that maybe I need to dial it down a bit. To answer a few points that have been raised:

1. We did discuss going away for our 40ths as we were both 40 six weeks apart. We talked about going to Paris together but the baby still has never slept through and I was very uncomfortable leaving him.

2. When DS3 was born, the plan was that said parents-in-law would come up as childcare for the bigger two. (My mum dead 20 years and Dad in Qatar.) When I went into labour overnight, they refused to drive up. I went to the hospital by myself in a taxi and was there alone until DH joined me 4 hours later. My FIL is my least favourite person in the world.

3. MIL had a stroke 10 years ago and has limited mobility and no use of her right arm.

3. DH asked FIL "jokingly" about Dublin trip when alone with him. FIL was on holiday in Tenerife and emailed us details of flight to ask if it was ok. We emailed back no, those flight details were inconvenient. His next email was the details of the flight he had booked, coming back on Monday evening so DH has to take a day off work. DH refuses to challenge him on it on the grounds it will "destroy their relationship".

4. I went for a Champage Breakfast on a Saturday morning with the girls for my 40th Birthday celebrations. We also had a night out in the local pub BUT my DH asked me to come home at 9 o clock as baby was screaming and he couldn't settle him. When I left, 15 people were out for drinks with me. When I got back to the pub at 10pm, there were 2 people left.

5. My disabled MIL will be staying with me over the weekend to "help".

I hope this explains (at length wink why I am unbelievably pissed off that my selfish pig of a FIL and my selfish pig of a DH have literally left me holding the baby, when DH ruined my celebrations.

Thetallesttower Fri 07-Feb-14 16:05:18

I wouldn't mind this so much as I know my husband will do the same for me and has, when I've gone away for work or for a weekend (or even longer) with friends.

However, I've lost count of the amount of female friends who never go away when their children are little/primary age/indeed any age because their husbands have convinced them they couldn't cope on their own with their children, especially if they have more than one. It does often seem to mean women staying at home all the time for ever and men off on the odd holiday/stag do/weekend away.

Mishmashfamily Fri 07-Feb-14 16:02:16

Variety !

Mishmashfamily Fri 07-Feb-14 15:59:02

I stayed local for my 30th - too much alcohol and tears for my lost youth !grin

I did however pay for dp to got holland to a friggin bird festival (feathered verity) on a coach trip for his Xmas present. How dull can you get!

ENormaSnob Fri 07-Feb-14 15:55:22

Oooh actually I stayed local for my 30th. My choice.

Dh went fishing in france for a week for his. His choice. I paid for it for his birthday gift.

I cant see the big deal at all. Unless her dh said she had to stay local. In which case, this is the least of her problems.

FootieOnTheTelly Fri 07-Feb-14 15:53:51

It wouldn't have bothered me but we would have discussed it and my DH wouldn't mind if I went away. I would be happy that he is having fun with his Dad but only if he was grateful. A weekend with the kids alone is no biggie.
If he is generally a selfish arse then that's another matter.

Mishmashfamily Fri 07-Feb-14 15:51:34

enorna I said as much myself .

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