To feel like my car is 2nd best?

[GhostsInSnow]

Apologies, this might be long.

I drive a 14 year old clio, it's relatively low mileage and so far has been reasonably problem free, however, it's getting on now and little niggles have appeared most notably the central locking has stopped working, it goes through phases of refusing to start and it's developed a judder. Now I know the basics of car mechanics but my experience is mostly with classics, I'm a bit lost with more modern cars so narrowing down the problems is now beyond me.

In the time I've owned the Clio DH has owned about 4 new cars. Now thats fair enough, I don't do many miles and don't need to replace the Clio (couldn't afford to anyway) but I'm starting to get annoyed. He bought another car in November and while he was waiting for it to be finalised he'd borrowed mine for his motorway commute. When he handed it back it was with a chipped windscreen, empty of petrol and filthy, he's promised to get it washed and still hasn't done it.

Every weekend since he's played with his car. He's fitted a huge double din stereo, reversing cameras, permanent recording cameras in the front, his private plate has gone on it, every sunday it gets taken to the hand carwash etc. In the meantime mine is sat in the garage, still filthy and still having problems.

I'm afraid the straw that broke the camels back just came when he called at lunch telling me how some bloke on his car forum has offered him something else he doesn't need for £100 and what do I think. I got a bit annoyed and told him that he wasn't being at all fair and I needed my car sorted please and no more money was to be thrown at his. His excuses ranged from 'I know nothing about central locking on a clio' (he knew nothing about his car either but happily sits hours researching it when it's got issues) to 'you don't remind me at the weekend' (yet some weekends he'll shift mine onto the road to play about with his!)

Frankly I'm utterly fed up, I'm driving a filthy, juddering shed. To lock the car I have to press the door lock button within the car then manually lock the doors so if I need anything out of the boot I then have to get back in the car, press the button then lock the drivers door from the outside. It's a pain in the arse.
I've set an alarm on my phone for 11am on Saturday morning to remind me to tell him to fix my car.
I'm not BU here am I?

[Chopchopbusybusy]

Is the chipped windscreen covered by insurance? Very unusual if it's not. Have you really waited from November for him to wash your car?
Re the central locking I'd take it to a local garage and ask them what they think the issue is and how much they would charge to fix it. Tell your DH what they've said and give him this weekend to sort it out and if he doesn't, book it in for repair.

[WhoNickedMyName]

The only thing YANBU about is being angry with him for returning your car filthy and empty of fuel.

With regards to the maintenance and the issues you are having with the car, if narrowing down the problems with your own car is beyond you, and your DH doesn't have a clue either, then I don't see why he should spend hours surfing the net to research how to fix it.

Take the car to a garage to be repaired.

[HazleNutt]

How come you cannot afford to replace your 14 year old juddering shed, while your DH has had 4 new cars?
YANBU, of course.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Why don't you just book it into a garage to have it looked at and get the window fixed? Do you need your dh's permission to get it fixed? If so then you have bigger issues than the car.

Is buying yourself a new car also an option?

[squeakytoy]

Can you not just take the car to the carwash yourself? And then take it to a mechanic yourself.

I dont really see the problem here to be honest. You see a car as a practical essential, he sees his as an accessory and enjoys it as a hobby by the sounds of it.

[ecuse]

It sounds like your DH tinkers with his car at the weekend for fun? Whereas he sees fixing yours as a chore?

In which case, just book yours into the garage? Assuming you have shared finances, it's then up to him if he cares about the money enough to say no, no, I'll do it, or let you take it. If you have separate finances, insist he pay for the windscreen since the chip happened when he borrowed it. And you'll have to pay for the central locking issue yourself if it bothers you enough to get fixed, or just leave it if it doesn't (or ask him nicely to do it as a favour during his time off). Ditto with taking it to the carwash and giving him the bill.

[Drquin]

Surely this is more to do with how you divide your household tasks / chores and money?

If "cars" are his responsibility - where the bins or ironing might be yours - then yes, he's probably lacking in looking after the Clio and / or planning for its repairs or replacement.
But,
If one car is "his" and one "yours" as opposed to "the family" owning two cars, then surely you've agreed to manage those personally (I.e he can spend "his" cash on stereos and the like, you haven't spent much on yours which is fine, so presumably you spend your money elsewhere?)

[43percentburnt]

Can U use the joint account to pay for the locks to be replaced?
why does he have money for new cars and accessories but you cannot get yours fixed?
My dh needed a car, I am the main earner. We did not buy a cheap car just because he earns less, we bought a safe, fuel efficient car that we feel happy about him driving. the car was more than he could afford alone, but the point is he isn't alone...

[GhostsInSnow]

DH does have a clue who, DH will do all the maintenance on his own car and if there is anything he isn't sure of he researches it and then sorts it. He's fixed every car we've ever owned from oil changes to stripping down the electrics. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing, he just can't be arsed to find out whats wrong with mine.

chop Yep, I've waited. Stubborn me . I don't drive far, DD has health issues and I literally drive her just over 2 miles to school and back. I have my own joint problems so can't go much further myself, driving to the car wash is further than I'd normally drive and would leave me in pain. I also have arthritis in my hands so hand washing myself in winter is out. The chip is outside the zone so it wont fail the MOT but it just irked me that it was handed back that way with no mention.

[specialsubject]

I drove a car with half the central locking missing for two years. Not exactly a major effort to walk round it.

having to scrap it now because it will probably cost too much for the MoT - which is a shame as it runs beautifully.

your car is not your problem. Your problem is someone slobby who fills it with crap and doesn't go buy petrol.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Just take it to the garage yourself and get the central locking looked at - why do you need your DH to do it?

Are you both working?

I want a new car, I am saving up for one!

[Longdistance]

Just tell your dh to go and get your car washed as you're selling it to get a better one. Just watch his face...

[Blueuggboots]

Why has he had 4 new cars and you haven't had one??!
Do you run your finances separately?

[GhostsInSnow]

I'll try and clear up some stuff

Hazel DH's Dad bought one of his cars 2 years ago, he sold it and bought the newer one with that money and a bit put to it from a PPI claim. It's not brand new, but still much much newer than mine.

Drquin The cars are 'ours' I guess, both are insured for both of us, I rarely drive his. I guess it is seen as a division, I cook, clean and iron, he doesn't help with that, fair enough I'm a SAHM with a DD with issues so I have the time on my hands. All I ask is for a little help with the very few tasks I can't do myself.

As I say I'm not fussed about a new car, for the miles I do it's not worth it. I'd LOVE an automatic because it would mean I could actually get out and about more as my joint problems mean my knees swell like balloons from driving any distance in mine. We have a joint account, we don't tend to discuss purchases normally so the fact he's mentioned this £100 part makes me think he knew I'd be a bit pissed off about it.

[Chopchopbusybusy]

Your insurance will cover a chip anywhere on the windscreen. If you leave it as it is it may crack. Especially likely in cold weather.

[GhostsInSnow]

Long LOVE it

blue no, no separate finances. As I said I do so little miles it's not really worth replacing. Yes its 14 but its only done just over 30k. It's one of those where I might as well keep it until it drops now. He's had 4 because of his job, he needed a diesel, then one broke spectacularly, replaced with another newer one which had issues before he's settled on this one.

special the lack of central locking wouldn't be such an issue, but for some reason the boot lock and passenger side lock are completely different and can only be locked from inside the car. The keys wont fit them. I'm assuming they were replaced for whatever reason by the last owner. Turning the key in the drivers door will only lock the drivers door. To lock everything you have to get in and press the button.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Well if an automatic would give you more freedom then I think you need to tell your DH that it is time to change your car. Sorry but it sounds like you are being treated second best here not your car.

[MaxPepsi]

My DH was a mechanic in a former life.

He enjoys cars. I however don't care so long as it has fuel in it and works.

I would be mightily pissed off if he ignored anything I'd asked him to look at on mine. He doesn't as it happens as he sees it as a priority to ensure my vehicle is safe.

You have mobility issues and you use it to transport your child. He's being a knob!

[GhostsInSnow]

I actually have access to 2 cars, I have an old TR7 as well which I can work on myself (I understand simple mechanics ). Problem is because of my worsening problems it became apparent before I garaged it for the winter that driving it was impossible now. My plan is currently to sell that in the spring and then I might consider selling the Clio, pooling the money and looking for a cheaper automatic.

[TheDoctorsNewKidneys]

Eh, I don't really see any issues here. Your car, your responsibility, surely? If you have joint finances, I don't see the fact that it came back with no petrol in as an issue - surely the money will come out of the same account regardless of who fills it up?

If you want your car fixed, give your DH an ultimatum - he can either pay for you to take it to the garage, or he can fix it himself.

[Ifcatshadthumbs]

Ok well I'm a bit baffled as to what exactly is the problem then.

[GhostsInSnow]

TheDoctor thats great in theory, but I can't physically fix it. I don't have the knowledge to, nor do we have the money to take it to a garage. He, however can probably fix it himself, he just chooses to spend that time playing around with sports grilles and fancy stereos.

The fact that it came back with no petrol is just common courtesy surely? I handed him a clean car with a full tank to get back a filthy, empty one with no mention. Even hire car companies request the car is refilled before return.

[MaxPepsi]

BTW I had a clio. Central locking went on mine too. It's a common problem apparently with old ones. DH had to look up answers on forums etc and in the end had to diasable the immobiliser I think.
Is that something you could tinker with yourself???

[GhostsInSnow]

cats the problem is that if, and thats a big if, I can sell the TR7 for the right money and replace the Clio that is many many months away. Meanwhile the car I do have often fails to start, judders and wont lock properly all whilst DH is happily spending £100's on crap bits he doesn't need for his car.

[LessMissAbs]

tbh OP I'd go out and buy myself a slightly newer car. I'd try taking my own car to the garage first. But a 14 yo Clio isn't worth spending much on fixing.

Is the problem really that you are not in a position to buy yourself another car or to afford to take it to the garage?

What happens if you just "take over" your DH's car?

Are your finances so separate that handing back your car with no petrol is a big deal? Or did your DH think that he was supporting you in other ways financially and he maybe sees providing a car as a step too far?

I'm just guessing...