To give DS a 'day off'?(107 Posts)
I know I will be termed a pushy parent but I am just trying to do my best here.
DS, aged 4.
DH and I both work. We really try to do nice things with the kids at the weekend. They don't watch TV during the day and our time is usually quite structured.
But today, DS has been watching TV for ages. He is not feeling well.
I feel uncomfortable that he is upstairs watching TV and not getting any positive input from me or anyone or anything.
Is this OK? Am I mad? Are you going to flame me as some kind of pushy mum?
I'm much like you OP. I tend to organise something for us to do (not necessarily big outings) in the morning and afternoon just to get us out of the house and break up the day. We have a small house and it gets unbelievably tense if we stay in. My DD4 isn't that good at entertaining herself, although she is getting better now her sibling is getting older. Normally I have to join in with everything except when she's watching TV and I don't like her to have the TV on too much.
Whilst I do enjoy playing with her, I do sometimes need to do other things. When DD is bored or demanding my attention, I just cannot get on with anything else. Also she starts to do things which wind me up so I find going out much easier.
I long for the day when we can just relax and potter round the house all day and it won't be the chore/charged atmospherre it often is.
Kids need to get bored
I find mine get really inventive if left to their own devices
while listening for any suspicious silences
lol yes we are lazy bastards. I have had a shitter of a week at work as has DH, the DC have had school and so we chilled out. DS1 played on the computer most of the day, DS2 and DH mowed the lawn, we all went to the garden centre for a bit. We had no structured activity at all and it was bliss! We did some washing and cooking and enjoyed our home and garden. Lovely. And do you know that is what kids need. Some down time
My four year olds have enjoyed a day of movie watching and then a trip to B&Q and Asda.
I don't feel worried, I've had things to do which require NO pre-schooler input.
We almost never have big outings because we have 3 (four this weekend, with DSS) so they are few and far between. Once a month maybe, we'll do something more exotic than the park. Four year olds are pretty easily please IMO and don't need what I would call a treat day out every weekend.
PS - I work full time too, so this has nothing to do with me spending time with them during the week!
Sick child : day in front of the TV, no issue at all.
I would bring him down to the sofa though so you can sit and watch with him or at least pop in and out and chat, and he is still involved in your day. If he's feeling that rough I'd prefer to have half an eye on him anyway.
I am a lazy bastard and happy to be one. I have one six year old who's really not in the least demanding and sometimes we just put our pyjamas on, get into bed, watch crap telly and eat sandwiches, crisps and other non-cookable easy food all day. Just because we can and one or other of us is tired or just feels like it. It doesn't seem to have done her any harm. Chill. Sometimes everyone needs a day off. And your son is ill. It would probably be absolute torture for him to be dragged round a zoo or something. I can't think of anything I'd like less when I'm poorly, short of actually sticking myself with pins or something.
But I think when the OP said structured she meant some sort of plan for the day, not karate and trampolining lessons.
I think many SAHP would say they went out in the morning to a toddler group or library and a park in the afternoon so in that respect don't think the OP is doing anything that unusual.
Some of the outings we do consist of no more than a walk to the corner shop for an icecream, a trip to the supermarket or feeding the ducks but I do think many children need to get out of the house for some of the day.
In fact mine are always asking to go out somewhere. We then always get back for a few hours downtime before bed.
Well, yes. Getting out of the house is a good thing in general, but her son is ill. I bet he feels like just doing as close to nothing as is possible for someone who is four. IME that usually means television. If you're ill, you just want to do nothing, don't you? I know I do (not that I normally get the chance).
Was beginning to think others were being a wee bit too critical but by jove, OP, you win. Nasty.
AIBU is so totally made up today isn't it?
<gets sucked in>
We lock all the doors, draw the curtains and watch tv all day in this house. We also eat in bed and on the toilet and in the bath. Structure smucture. Pfft.
Ha ha ha op, harsh!!! Everything in moderation. Not sure you understand that, far too busy in my opinion. Having down time does not mean lazy.
Op maybe if you learned to relax and enjoy your children more you wouldn't be having relationship issues.
/hijack...*elfycat*...thanks for the interesting article link!
Most weekends we do not leave the house until the afternoon.
I have 2 DS and I intentionally leave them with no ' positive input' for a half day at least , and after a short time, they will create their own fantasy world which I love to listen to.
They are primary age though, I think once they start school, there is more reason to chill at the weekends.
It sounds fine to leave a child who is ill to watch tv or whatever they need to do to get their energy back.
We go all over the place. DS rarely gets a whole day in to watch tv and when he does, he LOVES it. And, you know, there's nothing wrong with that. The world will not end.
I have a friend who's like this and it drives me nuts. Monday football lessons, tuesday swimming, Wednesday karate, Thursday music lessons etc etc.
Kids need to have down time/relaxation time AND theyre supposed to get bored, it's how they develop an imagination - they shouldn't be TOLD how to spend their free time.
I'm not sure why you think an occasional day of nothing at all is being "lazy bastards"! Wow. You asked for opinions then insult whoever gives you theirs. You even acknowledged that we'd possibly consider you're a "pushy mum"
Sometimes I think I am perhaps the most ill fitting person ever to use MN and then I see a post just five in from squeakytoy and I breathe a sigh of relief and think...ahhhhh, someone else who thinks just a little bit like me
OP, I was sort of sympathetic to you until that last post.
For the record, you're doing precisely what my DS's nursery advises parents not to do. Their advice is that kids are usually knackered by the end of their nursery week as they pack the time with activities. Kids need less structure, more quiet time and more home time on their non-nursery days as a result.
I don't know your childcare arrangements but chances are he gets a pretty full-on week and needs both down time and home time more than he's getting with your need to be 'out and doing'. Which sounds like it's about you and your feelings.
If 'positive input' requires you to be out of the house and doing Wholesome Activities, and you can't provide positive input to an off-colour child while snuggling, reading, and watching telly, then that's not very amazing.
Today, we walked into town (20 minutes, took twice as long because of stopping to talk to flowers). meg DH after his haircut and had morning tea. Errands, home for lunch and out in the garden for most of the afternoon, with DS pottering about with his trowel. Overtired meltdown just before his dinner so administered food in front of Cbeebies as a treat then snuggled in front of the telly for about an hour.
Sorry, posted too soon. We did manage to make up a new song, he tried out some new words/labels (he's 19 months) and I got the chance to see how his mind operates these days when we're not bothering him. Which I wouldn't have had if we'd spent the whole day Out.
If youre always Very Busy at weekends, when do you do"stuff" like shopping, going to b&q, cutting the grass, haircuts, relaxing,
drinking wine etc etc etc?
Children are meant to fit in with you, not the other way around
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