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AIBU?

To want to put both kids in nursey and go back to work full time to regain some bastard sanity?

72 replies

Namehelpplease · 02/04/2013 13:50

A bad morning. Can you tell? Is it just me who feels like this most days or am I Evil Mother extraordinaire?

I have a toddler (who we utterly adore) and another due in a week but I really don't know how I'm going to deal with two when one drives me totally nutty.

Tell me it's not just me. Please.

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HumphreyCobbler · 02/04/2013 13:53

oh god, dealing with a newborn and a toddler is VASTLY easier than being pregnant with a toddler.

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London2013 · 02/04/2013 13:56

Yy. What HC said! You can catch up with the toddler without a bump and you're less tired bizarrely.

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JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/04/2013 13:56

Oh this bit is hard, no denying. And it stays hard for a bit, but as Humphrey says, it's slightly better when the baby is born

Try and keep your good humour. Try and be in the moment and try not to look ahead too much

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ClimbingPenguin · 02/04/2013 14:00

it's true, you get a honeymoon period of 8 weeks, then it comes down to sleep.

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Grumpla · 02/04/2013 14:03

YANBU.

I went back to work PT for a well-deserved rest after DS2!

Seriously, the next few months will probably be horrendous but once No.2 is about 3 months old it will get a LOT easier. Lower all standards, hunker down, get through it with as much TV / toast as you need.

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TaggieCampbellBlack · 02/04/2013 14:06

I think a full time nanny and bording school from 6 is probably the only way to retain your sanity.

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EasilyBored · 02/04/2013 14:06

YANBU. I went back to work part-time when DS was 10 months because I was about 2 seconds away from Losing. My. Shit. I feel like an awful mother, but toddlers (DS is 15 months now) are so so hard. It's like trying to manage a tiny, belligerent, drunk person in a room full of sharp objects. Work is a doddle compared to that.

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JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/04/2013 14:07

DS1 went to playgroup 2 mornings a week from when I was pg, then 3 mornings after DS2 was born. That helped a bit

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JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/04/2013 14:08

Easily bored - looking back that might have helped me. But the tiredness.

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Thurlow · 02/04/2013 14:10

Easily, that is one of the best descriptions of a nearly-toddler I've ever seen

I second the vote for a full-time nanny and then boarding school...

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EasilyBored · 02/04/2013 14:11

Jamie I know. It kills you. Slowly and surely. Ds was up at 4 this morning, refusing to stop crying unless he was in bed with me. Spent three hours kicking me in the head and wriggling and farting at me until I gave up. AND I have had to give up caffeine. I could never ever have another baby. I barely make it to bedtime most days without wanting to hide under the table and weep at least once.

I actually don't know how people cope with a toddler and a newborn. I think I would actually just die.

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EasilyBored · 02/04/2013 14:12

Sorry OP, that last sentence probably wasn't very reassuring! Other people DO cope though, so it's probably my lack of natural parenting skills and inability to cope with life in general, and you will probably be fine!

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JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/04/2013 14:15

I had a toddler and a newborn, and I would never have a third child. But a 5 year old and a 7 year old, a 9 year old and an 11 year old, and now a 10 year old and 12 year old - lovely.

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tired999 · 02/04/2013 14:23

I have a 3 month and a 21 month old. I wish I could go to work for one day to escape the crying/whining/tantrums but am too tired to think. We'd not really gone out until a few weeks ago and then my friends decided I needed a break and took me to 2 play centres. What a disaster. The worst time has been going for vaccinations (2nd lot this morning). I think I'm going to stay in the house from no on and slowly go mad!

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Namehelpplease · 02/04/2013 14:25

I think the message is clear - it ain't gonna be pretty. Oh f**k. Thanks for the reassurance though that it's not all sparkles and fairy dust for everyone --which a very annoying 'friend' keeps suggesting on stupid bloody Facebook.

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Namehelpplease · 02/04/2013 14:29

Oh tired - you are me in a few months. I will NOT be putting myself through the torture of soft play etc with two. Just as you say slowly losing my senses within four walls. Joy of joys.

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EasilyBored · 02/04/2013 14:32

We had a night away last month, and when we were driving away (leaving DS with my parents) I had a bit of a wobble about leaving him. Then we got to the hotel and no one needed anything from me for 24 sweet sweet hours.

You will probably be fine, it's only for a short amount of time, they do get big very fast.

Those people who waffle on about sparkles and fairy dust? They're actually robots. Ignore ignore ignore.

In all fairness, DS is a very lovely, funny little dude. He mainly tantrums when he is tired and can't have some random object that might kill him/he might destroy. I just keep saying 'I know you are only little, and you are having a lot of feelings right now, so I'm going to sit here with you until you calm down and we can have a cuddle and do some playing'. While mentally downing a bottle of pinot. He of course just looks at me like I've grown another head and continues to scream until he forgets what was bothering him.

This stage passes soon, right?!

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cat88 · 02/04/2013 14:34

YANBU the toddler and newborn is really tough especially once baby is on the move. Its much easier if there is a playgroup or activities to keep older one entertained for part of the day. I found it hard but got through it. Going back to work after dC2 was easier in that I could have a coffee l when I wanted and got to go to the bathroom by myself. well worth it now as there is 2 years between them and they get on and play together really well.

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PragmaticWench · 02/04/2013 14:38

People bleating on facebook about it all being magical get right on my wick. Yes, sometimes a gummy grin melts your heart but that doesn't stop returning to work from seeming very tempting. I only have one and I feel that way.

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AThingInYourLife · 02/04/2013 14:38

"Just as you say slowly losing my senses within four walls. Joy of joys."

I strongly recommend getting out every day. Meeting other adults really helps.

And Humphrey is right - pregnant plus toddler is the worst bit.

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ChunkyPickle · 02/04/2013 14:39

Nursery saved my sanity - 3 mornings a week, soon to be every morning and 3 afternoons once his 3 year old funding kicks in.

Of course that's why, just as he starts at nursery 5 days I'll be having the new baby - I must be some kind of idiot to voluntarily produce a new little bundle of joy to stop me sleeping/leaving the house/having 2 thoughts of my own next to each other for another 2-3 years...

Plus I work from home. DP has it made - he gets to leave the house ALL DAY - I'm considering making him swap once the baby can go a day with no feeds.

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Wishihadabs · 02/04/2013 14:41

Yes newborn +toddler much easier than heavily pgs + toddler. Also Ds' s behavior improved massively once dd was here.

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Namehelpplease · 02/04/2013 14:48

Ahh nursery for DS sounding v tempting. That's not bad right? I'd be thinking of him after all - all that socialising and fun

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Namehelpplease · 02/04/2013 14:49

Ahh nursery for DS sounding v tempting. That's not bad right? I'd be thinking of him after all - all that socialising and fun

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tired999 · 02/04/2013 14:50

At least the weather is getting better now so being outdoors is easier. I had a c-section and had SPD (and still have it) so getting out is difficult.

The jealousy is one thing I wasn't prepared for. DS1 screamed every time DS2 cried for the first 2 weeks. During this time he hit me as he thought I was hurting the baby. Then DS1 ignored DS2 until 8 weeks when he started to sit/climb on him. So I have to take DS1 everywhere I go. Sometimes I forget to go to the loo!

If anyone offers to help you in the first few weeks say yes!