Have NC'd am a regular longterm member.
I have self esteem issues and i want to investigate why.
When i was about 12 i developed a crush on someone much older, and married. He sort of encouraged it - in a way an adult might tease a child i suppose. There was a time when he did touch me and i was thrilled - well i felt quite gawky etc compared to my classmates. Anyway, this went of for a while and he then sort of moved away.
When I was about 15 he came back to working locally and i would go and see him in his place of work and I would have sex with him.
The thing is, he was married - i loathed his wife and resented his children. Now i am so ashamed and embarrased about this as of course it was me who was in the wrong - what had that poor woman ever done to me? As it was he left her for another younger model (but older than me) I think he was in his 30s.
Im in my 40s now but i still can't help but wonder if this is what has shaped things for me? Due to my spurned affections for this man (quite happy to fuck me of course) i slept around and can't count how many men I have slept with.
The only thing i do have any confidence in though is my sexuality - I have been with DP for 20 years now and our sex life, whilst a bit slack lately due to other reasons has always been good.
Sorry, this all probably seems a bit moot but i have spent many years wondering - the nickname says it all really
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Am I a victim of abuse or actually was a just a slut?
55 replies
slutorvictim · 31/03/2013 20:23
OP posts:
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