to not understand: "Don't criticize my choices/beliefs."

[Hullygully]

This is something people say a lot on here.

I don't understand it. Genuinely.

What is wrong with disagreeing with someone and saying so and giving reasons?

If you are secure in your choices/beliefs, what do you care what other people say?

If you have some doubts, why not hear the criticism/questioning with an open mind and perhaps rethink? Or become secure in your choice/belief as a result.

It doesn't make sense.

[Hullygully]

I have no idea what the &quot bit is!

[adeucalione]

YANBU.

[Hullygully]

Thank you.

I thought so.

[Tee2072]

I don't get it either.

[FreudiansSlipper]

or the respect everyone's opinion

why respect the opinion of someone who opinions I fundamentally disagree with and I think they are harmful to society

[Eskino]

Exactly. One should always be able to take constructive criticism with a modicum of good grace.

[badtime]

YANBU

If people are not allowed to challenge certain choices or beliefs, where does it end?

'Don't criticise my choice to hate people of other skin colours/ nationalities/ sexualities and to teach my children to do the same'?

I have noticed this often comes up (in other fora) as a freedom of speech issue too - 'I have the right to express my opinion'.

People have the right to hold any beliefs, or any opinions, but they need to accept that other people have an equal right to criticise these beliefs and opinions.

'Choices' are often circumscribed (e.g. someone might choose to do something illegal) as they can be actions as well as attitudes.

[Hullygully]

yy the "respect" thing. Why "respect" something that you absolutely don't "respect"?

[bigkidsdidit]

Yup

Like on Maury when a man keeps saying 'don't judge me!' when he's abandoned 7 children; what's wrong with judging

If he really had done nothing wrong he could explain.

[Hullygully]

yy "don't judge me" = let me do whatever I want and don't say anything.

[Justforlaughs]

There is a difference between disagreeing with someone and yet respecting the fact that they have valid reasons for those opinions and a right to hold them and completely dissing them as being stupid for holding a belief/ opinion that you do not share.There is no excuse or need for abuse and name calling, imo.

[bigkidsdidit]

It's like on the BBC when they give equal airtime to unequal opinions eg MMR in the name of 'fairness '

On evolution for eg the opinion of a bishop oS just not equal to that of a scientist. They should not be respected equally

[Hullygully]

I don't think anyone is advocating "abuse" and "name-calling"

If you "respected" the fact they had "valid reasons" for their "opinion," you wouldn't be disagreeing with it, would you?

Could you give an example so I can see what I think?

[gordyslovesheep]

I think it's fine to question and challenge beliefs and practices - other wise things wouldn't change (slavery for example)

I do dislike people (like my BIL) who constantly badger people for their personal beliefs when it has no impact on them and does no harm - that is bullying (and an entire new thread!)

[Hullygully]

what sorts of things gordy?

[dreamingbohemian]

Eh, I don't know

I feel like I usually only see people say that on here when they're trying to keep a thread from being derailed. Like, they want to discuss something related to private school or formula feeding, and no they don't want to hear how they should be breastfeeding or using state schools instead

I think that's fair enough.

[Hullygully]

That's a differetn thing tho, dreaming.

[mrsjay]

I feel so judged is another well sometimes people will judge your choices of 'whatever' its alright though if you think you are doing the right think then other peoples opinions dont matter do they

[valiumredhead]

Since when haven't we been allowed to criticize others' choices? Someone should have hold me!

[EldritchCleavage]

YANBU. It's a means of shutting down debate.

Religion is a good example: I can respect the principle that everyone is free to choose a faith, or no faith and respect (in the sense of not interfering with and accepting) people expressing that faith. I don't actually have to respect the faith itself.

E.g. being a Scientologist. I regard that as a rather sinister controlling money-making cult. I wouldn't go up to a Scientologist randomly and say so, because that's rude. But in a debate about religion (or on a Mumsnet thread) I certainly can say it. Though I respect the right of all Scientologists to have and express a different point of view.

[nickelbabe]

i think that's the point gordy - it's not "don't criticize my beliefs etc", it's "don't belittle me for them or expect me to change them just because you don't like them"

but that doesn't mean we shouldn't challenge harmful opinions when they're presented.

[valiumredhead]

told not hold

[Hullygully]

But it's not that you "don't like" someone's beliefs, it's that you think them WRONG

[naomilpeb]

Completely agree. FIL always says this, when he brings something up and then gets annoyed that DP and I don't agree. Since he is a sexist, racist, xenophobic Daily Mail-reading religious fundamentalist, this is not that infrequent. I do not see why he thinks he should be able to sit in my living room and spout views I find frankly wrong, and then get upset and huffy that I disagree with them. Yes of course he has a right to say it, but I have a right to disagree with him as vehemently as I have energy for at the time.

I also find it very annoying when you correct a misapprehension that someone has about a FACT, and are told that you need to respect their views. Of course you can hold whatever view you want, but I want to point out that fact x on which you base those views is actually incorrect. So there.

[badtime]

nickel, the problem is that many people take any criticism of their beliefs as a personal attack on them, even when it is very clearly the ball rather than the man that is being played.