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WIBU to hand my friend the dustpan and brush...

(94 Posts)
blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 14:37:17

Ok, to give me some perspective just want to ask the MN jury this...

A friend came round a couple of weeks ago and gave lunch to her DD 31 weeks - a blw lunch of broccoli and tomato. Didn't ask if it was ok but we have wooden floors so I didn't mind too much thinking there would only be a tiny bit going on the floor, obviously it went EVERYWHERE completely covering my dining room floor, she looked very perplexed when after sorting her DD she just sat down and carried on drinking her tea. I got out the dustpan and brush and said d oyou want to use these? She hadn't offered to clean up, nor asked for anything to clean with, nor said I'll do it in a minute.

She hasn't been round since, nor has she initiated texts to meet, up until this point it was a weekly meet since my DD was newborn. Was this rude of me? I would fully expect to clear up DD's mess if she made any at someone elses house so didn't think this was out of the ordinary, but seems she may have taken offence...

I'm not overly fussed as if she'd left the mess without offering I probably wouldn't have been best pleased and not text her - but AIBU?? Really?

schobe Tue 27-Nov-12 14:38:56


Does she bring cakes with her? If not you've had a very lucky escape.

lisad123 Tue 27-Nov-12 14:38:58

I don't think you were, but then again I wouldn't have left it but would have cleared away all mess.

squeakytoy Tue 27-Nov-12 14:40:03

YANBU at all.. her childs mess, so she should deal with it..

Have you texted her since or just not spoken to her at all?

EverythingsDozy Tue 27-Nov-12 14:40:13

Don't get me started on this! YWDNBU

mamamibbo Tue 27-Nov-12 14:40:57

we blw and its not usually that messy but i always clean up anyway, even in a cafe which some people think is wierd

FeckOffCup Tue 27-Nov-12 14:44:26

On the fence on this one, if my DD made mess in someone's house I would definitely offer to clean it up so I can see why you are miffed that she didn't but at the same time you have to expect a bit of mess from a weaning baby, even from older toddlers too tbh. My DD's friends have often left after a playdate with a trail of raisins/biscuit crumbs across the living room floor and I wouldn't demand the parent of the child who helped make the mess clear it up, i would just get the hoover out after they left, it's not really a big enough thing to lose a friendship over.

putonyourredshoes Tue 27-Nov-12 14:44:50

Not sure but I think I think YABU.

She's a friend, she's come to relax and enjoy time with you. Not spend her whole visit chasing around and making sure your house remains perfect.

Children make mess, you're going to have to put up with it yourself and see how much you would enjoy being expected to clear up after them every where you went.

If you go to a cafe and your child makes a mess do you expect to have to get down on your and knees there and sort it out?

I say this as someone who is anally retentively houseproud with no finger marks to be seen. But that is my choice, I accept if my friends come round with small chidlren that I am going to have to do a fair bit of clearing up afterwards.

schobe Tue 27-Nov-12 14:46:40

No but at the very least you do the insincere asking where they keep the mop/dustpan/floor cloth, all the while hoping they tell you to leave it, put your feet up and shovel more cake in. Those are the rules.

fishybits Tue 27-Nov-12 14:48:03


I clear up DDs mess at friends houses, cafes, restaurants anywhere that doesn't have dogs

Kveta Tue 27-Nov-12 14:48:08

so she did nothing to tidy up after her DD? not even wipe down the table/chair?

anyway, you know my feelings on the matter - I would have cleared up after my kids if they dropped obvious bits of food, but would be unimpressed if handed a dustpan and brush to do so! but if friend started using dustpan and brush to clear my child's mess, I would try and take over from them. if that makes sense?

putonyourredshoes Tue 27-Nov-12 14:49:45

You clear up anywhere that doesn't have dogs?

WTAF does that mean?

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 14:50:32

Personally I would ALWAYS clean up after myself and my child - even in a Café putonyourredshoes

SqueakyToy We have spoken once or twice and arranged a playdate in the park which unfortunately I had to cancel due to car ishoos!

A bit of mess would have been fine, but she'd brought too much food put it all on the high chair tray and as a result my lovely solid oak floor looked like it was sprouting broccoli grass with tomato flowers from the door to the hall to the door to the kitchen - 10ft or so's worth of broccoli mess!!

putonyourredshoes Tue 27-Nov-12 14:51:38

blondiedollface - I too would clear up or at least offer to.

However, I wouldn't lose a friendship over it.

ChaosTrulyReigns Tue 27-Nov-12 14:52:11

Is this your PFF?


fishybits Tue 27-Nov-12 14:53:43

putonyourredshoes dogs make excellent hoovers smile

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 14:54:01

Kveta She wiped down her DD and her DD's tray, wiped the food accumulated in the seat IYSWIM onto the floor then sat down and finished her cup of tea!! I think the reason I didn't start clearing myself is that I knew she wouldn't offer and I didn't really fancy getting Broccoli all over my clothes when my DD had not partaken in destroying of said vegetable :D

BonaDea Tue 27-Nov-12 14:54:30


I bet you anyhting that when she does BLW at her own house, she has a floor covering to catch all the mess under the high chair so that she doesn't have to crawl around on hands and knees with a dustpan and brush after every meal to tidy up. That being the case, why wouldn't she bring something with her, or if she forgot it at least ask for newspaper or something?

Unless, of course you have M-U-G tattooed on your forehead in which case you are definitely BU grin

McKayz Tue 27-Nov-12 14:55:42

PFF? Precious First Fed?

I would be offended but as I offer to clean up it wouldn't get that far.

StuntGirl Tue 27-Nov-12 14:56:53

What the hell is blw?

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 14:57:37

Of course Chaos did you need to ask?!

WilsonFrickett Tue 27-Nov-12 14:58:03

Oh come on, she wiped the tray and chair? I think YABU.

Vodkapleasenurse Tue 27-Nov-12 14:58:53

puton I think fishy was joking and that a dog would eat the bits of food on the floor.
I always clean up after ds has finished eating weather at a friends house or a cafe .

putonyourredshoes Tue 27-Nov-12 14:59:14

fishybits respect! excellent and is making me laugh!!

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 14:59:35

BonaDea At her house she just leaves the mess on the kitchen floor until she cleans after DD has gone to bed. However when at her house I helped myself (with her permission) to a cloth and kitchen towel to clean up my DD's purée and finger food mess!

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