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to think mothers who constantly use the 'daddy' threat need to grow a pair?

(66 Posts)
crazyhatlady Fri 16-Nov-12 08:16:08

I seem to be surrounded by women like this and it bugs the hell out of me. One of the mums at ds's nursery must say it to her son at least 10 times during drop off , every single day.

Right that's it I'm telling daddy, come here right now or I'm telling daddy and so on. My sil is the same, her kids don't listen to a word she says as she is incapable of disciplining them.

I mean all these women are just reinforcing gender stereotypes surely. They are your kids too ladies, deal with it yourself and stop turning daddy into the big bad wolf..

CaptainBarnaclesDaddyman Fri 16-Nov-12 08:20:43

It also undermines their own authority as a parent, as they admit to their children that they are not the "alpha" and invites rebellion as they make themselves look weak.

Pagwatch Fri 16-Nov-12 08:22:13

I agree

I also hate the 'stop doing that or <random staff member or stranger> will one and tell you off'
After years of promising myself I did say to a child 'actually that's not true. I don't care if you do that or not' when a woman in a cafe said 'eat nicely and stop banging that or that lady will be cross and tell you off'.
I was just getting up to leave though so it wasn't that brave grin

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:26:20

I never did it when ds was little but now he is older (11) I sometimes say "I will discuss your behaviour with dad when he gets in." Works a treat wink

44SoStartingOver Fri 16-Nov-12 08:28:52

I think if you are going to use male favouring terminology like 'grow a pair', you are falling into the same trap of male = authority!

Unless you meant a pair of boobs!

Pagwatch Fri 16-Nov-12 08:29:51

Authority boobs.

ThePerfectFather Fri 16-Nov-12 08:30:57

I'm a stay at home Dad, so to offer an alternative viewpoint, I do occasionally use "Wait til your Mum gets home" as a threat if I just want to mix things up a bit.

I like to keep 'em guessing.

Grumpla Fri 16-Nov-12 08:31:37

I must have a pair of those already. Most small children (and grown men) are naturally terrified of me.

Not my own though sad

bigkidsdidit Fri 16-Nov-12 08:32:04

I hate the phrase 'grow a pair'. Implies you can ony be brave if you're a man

Unless you mean ovaries smile

Otherwise I entirely agree

MrsWolowitz Fri 16-Nov-12 08:33:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:33:29

perfectfather yeah I'm not convinced it doesn't hurt to let kids know they are answerable to not just you. Keeping them guessing is never a bad thing imo wink

crazyhatlady Fri 16-Nov-12 08:34:23

Absolutely captainbarnacle that's what bugs me, they come across as weak to me so must do to their kids as well.

Fair point startingover perhaps backbone would have been a better choice of words!

Pagwatch Fri 16-Nov-12 08:34:45

Arf at 'I like to keep em guessing'

My dc, including the 19 year old, areaway more alarmed by 'I will need to discuss this with mum' than 'with dad'.
I am the finder of hideous consequences.

helpyourself Fri 16-Nov-12 08:36:41

Agreed. Not as bad as that seasonal favourite:
Santa won't bring you your pressies! boak and hmm

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:37:06

Weirdly I am too pag but because dh is very calm and has never lost his temper with ds yet - there's always the chance that today could be his unlucky day wink

Pagwatch Fri 16-Nov-12 08:37:34

In fairness I think it is different when you say to an older child 'I am going to talk to <other parent> about this. That indicates that the matter is serious to warrant further action.
Telling a small child 'I will tell daddy/mummy about this if you don't stop' is just an abdication of responsibility. And weak ass

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:37:41

We here did Santa so that wouldn't have worked in our house help wink

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:37:50

never

Peggotty Fri 16-Nov-12 08:37:54

Yes I totally agree!! And I also have a friend who says to her daughter 'oh stop doing that or peggotty will get cross' or 'peggotty doesn't like it when you do that'. I couldn't give a rats arse what her child does and now the girl looks at me like I'm I'm terrifying. It really bugs me!!

Pagwatch Fri 16-Nov-12 08:38:44

grin at Valium

That sounds a bit incredible Hulk...

valiumredhead Fri 16-Nov-12 08:42:18

grin

JazzAnnNonMouse Fri 16-Nov-12 08:42:23

I always thought grow a pair did mean boobs...
Does it actually mean testes?
Interesting! I suppose the link is 'get some balls' hmmmmmm grin

BartimaeusNeedsMoreSleep Fri 16-Nov-12 08:46:06

I agree.

On the other hand, when DS started being deliberately naughty (e.g. touching sockets or banging on glass - stuff he knows he's not allowed to do) when DH told him to stop or told him off it usually worked (well 90% of the time). When I did it he completely ignored me! I remember one day trying lots of different stern voices in an attempt to make DS listen to me DH was laughing his socks off

DS also listens more to my dad than to my mum hmm (they look after DS whilst I'm at work).

I've not yet used the threat of telling his dad (he's only 14 months) but it is frustrating that he will stop when his dad tells him to but not me.

So I go more for the distraction technique, or the "punishment" (1 minute in his cot by himself).

CaptainBarnaclesDaddyman Fri 16-Nov-12 08:49:35

dara o'briain's "the man" sketch

OwedToAutumn Fri 16-Nov-12 09:03:25

In our family, I am the main disciplinarian, so if DH tells the DC to do something, or not to do something, they often ignore him, until I back him up.

I think this has something to do with the fact that I am fairly easy going, but if I say something, I tend to mean it. My default position is "yes, unless there's a good reason why not" whereas his is "no, and I'll find a reason why not.".

I think the fact that I am less strict means I get better discipline when it's needed.

And I have a very fine if slightly saggy pair, thank you very much!

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