to think mothers who constantly use the 'daddy' threat need to grow a pair?

[crazyhatlady]

I seem to be surrounded by women like this and it bugs the hell out of me. One of the mums at ds's nursery must say it to her son at least 10 times during drop off , every single day.

Right that's it I'm telling daddy, come here right now or I'm telling daddy and so on. My sil is the same, her kids don't listen to a word she says as she is incapable of disciplining them.

I mean all these women are just reinforcing gender stereotypes surely. They are your kids too ladies, deal with it yourself and stop turning daddy into the big bad wolf..

[Mrsjay]

Do people still say that really I hate it I never used it it makes the mother seem weak and she needs to be an authoritarian too, Imo alot of mothers say it cos they dont want to be the bad guy which drives me up the wall too, overindulgence is a real bug bear of mine

[Mrsjay]

we aren't there. For us it's more about the matter being so serious that the other parent will be told.!

Yes I would do that if they did something quite naughty I would tell their dad but if they were playing up I wouldn't keep saying I am telling daddy over and over again iyswim

[FairiesWearPoppies]

My dd (5) is always saying to me " wait till I tell daddy what you done" gets me everytime!

[Pagwatch]

Reindeerjumper
That's what I said upthread - it is if different when it is used as an indication that the matter is serious and both parents will need to now about it. What the op is talking about is the parents at nursery threatening a young child with daddy.

[picturesinthefirelight]

I agree with Reindeer. In fact only the other night when ds hadn't got ready for bed when he was supposed to dh said you wait til your mother gets home , if she sees you there'll be trouble. (I had taken dd to a school concert.

I think the parent who does the majority of the care dies tend to use the other parent as a back up. It's like this is serious rather than everyday.

[ScumbagCollegeDropout]

Oh I'm guilty of this

Really try not to but it slips out every now and then...

[Mrsjay]

It is ok for the emergency back up sometimes scumbag but not all the time

[TenMinutesLate]

I don't threaten with Daddy....but I am that simpering idiot in the supermarket threatening no presents from Father Christmas. I know, I actually cringe inside.....

[ClaireMarathonFeeder]

Agree with pagwatch, depends how you use it, but I also hate these kind of threats, no matter who the supposed figure to be scared off is: policeman, waiter, OH.. I never "scared" my kids into behaving.

I admit to using the I'll talk to daddy phrase to buy me time when I'm not sure how to deal with a situation!

[Fenton]

My mother too often said "wait 'til your father gets home" or "he can smack harder than I can you know"

and sadly it did make me anxious about his return home.

I vowed I would never say it to my own children and make them fear their father, - he wants to be greeted by happy children not have them running for cover.

[Mrsjay]

it, but I also hate these kind of threats, no matter who the supposed figure to be scared off is: policeman, waiter, OH.. I never "scared" my kids into behaving.


I heard the other day If you don't sit down the BUS DRIVER will stop the bus at THE POLICE STATION and the POLICEMAN will take you away

I have also heard a few times , If you run away the MAN will get you

it isn't on imo

[Imnotaslimjim]

I'm in a similar situation as owedto DH can't get the kids to do much, whether he asks, begs, yells, whatever. All I have to say is "DS, do your homework please" and he does it. He says I undermine him, but sometimes he is very unfair with them and I don't agree with it

[GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob]

I hate it, I hate any kind of delayed threat and if the dad is at work all day then it just makes them dread him coming home which is shit, it should be something to look forward too.

I like to use it the opposite way though, store up some things that they have done well and then the promise of telling dad when he gets home and how proud/pleased he is going to be.

[GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob]

Yy Mrsjay, it's just lying to them and teaches them that you arn't to be trusted, also a pretty shitty lesson.

[Spatsky]

I take your point op but its not always as black and white as that.

Fr example I have used that phrase but in our house my husband always does the bedtime book. It is a much loved often favourite part of the day for the children and removing the bedtime book with dad is the ultimate punishment if behaviour is not good. He checks on how they have behaved before bedtime and the children know he does this.

So when I say I will have to tell their dad, it's not that he can discipline and I can't, in out case the implication, understood by all, is that they will lose that bedtime book with dad as their punishment. So I am still doing the ne withered authority to decide whether and how to punish ultimately.

[Justforlaughs]

My older DCs know that I will discuss "serious" issues with my DH so we can have a good laugh decide on a course of action. But in the main I am the one they listen to, it can be quite embarrassing hilarious to hear him tell them to do something repeatedly, while they completely ignore him until I walk in and say "now!".(I genuinely do wish they would do as he tells them actually.)

[Justforlaughs]

I genuinely don't understand why anyone would threaten a child with a policeman. I have always encouraged my DCs to trust and respect the police and to know that if they are in trouble they can go to the police station/ approach a police officer. Why would you want children to be scared of the police?

[valiumredhead]

Because police are authoritative figures and to be feared and respected in equal measures?

[tanfastic]

I say that, it works. My dh says "I'll tell mummy". That works too

[cheekydevil]

My dh uses me as the threat, he is a pushover

[Allonsy]

I use this often with ds, its not about fear its more that he knows dh will be dissapointed in him or will tackle things differently to me, dh also uses it about me if im not around, its just one of those things.

Bit like the police man will take you away, i used to use that with ds but he didnt care said he would quite like to go and see a prison

[BartimaeusNeedsMoreSleep]

"I like to use it the opposite way though, store up some things that they have done well and then the promise of telling dad when he gets home and how proud/pleased he is going to be. "

I like that, I'll try using that when DS is old enough to understand!
Although as we both work FT I'll have to see when I can use it!

[willyoulistentome]

Hell - I'm far scarier than Daddy. Daddy is just "Mr Football".

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

I do threathen to tell daddy if they wont listen to me but certainly not all the time and only when I am the point of screaming.

[nokidshere]

No point whatsoever in saying it here! I am definitly the bad guy in our house