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I can't stand it anymore! I need to know if i AIBU?!

(134 Posts)
SmallBump48 Wed 14-Nov-12 17:23:13

Every week we see my Inlaws, we go for a meal round there and at least one other visit during the week for a cuppa/Visits from them.

MIL also rings DH every other day at around 10pm at night and then moans if he doesnt pick up When we are in bed together

So the last four days went like this...

Saturday: Spent all day with them.
Sunday: Spent half the day with them.
Monday: 2 hour phone call to DH from MIL.
Tuesday: Visited for about 3 hours in the evening.
Today: Another 2 hour phone call to DH.

I talked to DH about needing some time to ourselves in the evenings/weekends as he works 8/10 hour days. He told me that we do spend time together... "Sitting watching TV" and says that he would find spending the day just me him and our DD "Boring".

Ever since we have been together me and DH havent been out just to two of us and i have dropped plenty of hints that i would love if he planned a trip to the cinema and a couple of drinks after just me and him one weekend, Again this would be boring to him.

So this evening i told him that i do not want to visit nor want any visitors for the rest of the week as i want to just spend time with me, Him and our DD. He thought that i was being extremely unreasonable "Pushing his family away".

I see my family once a week and this is enough for me as i think we have our own family now and need to make time for us but DH cannot do anything without mentioning his MIL and is always saying that he wants us to go over there to see them and if i dont want to he starts a big arguement about how unreasonable i am being because it would just be a "Quick visit" But it always turns into a 3 hour one

I am sick of seeing my Inlaws so much, I do not get on with them anyway as they have voiced how i am not "Good" enough for DH as i am not at all academic and i am not intelligent enough And not as skinny nor pretty as his previous partner which his sister voiced when she met me but i am always kind and considerate to them.

It has become to much now, DH wants to see them 4 times a week and i just think that it is way to much! An example of how much he values them is when me and DH were watching a film, Just put DD to bed and were cuddling on the sofa when he gets a text from MIL saying ring her, She would love to hear from him. I told him to ring her tomorrow as we were spending time together and he got so angry with me that it turned into an arguement, He eventually sat down After telling me how unreasonable i had been and about 5 minutes later said that he was going to the loo. An hour later i find him on the phone to MIL whilst sitting on the bath!

AIBU to want some space and for DH to make more effort with spending time as a family?

nickelrocketgoBooooooom Wed 14-Nov-12 17:25:29

our DH needs to cut the apron strings.

you are totally right - it's just weird that he needs to spend so much time with his mum, and finds being with just you and your DD "boring"!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Wed 14-Nov-12 17:26:22

You are married to this man child and you have never been out alone together??

I didn't read any further than that, because I find that unbelievable!

Your DH needs to cut the chord, grow some balls, and try to find puberty.

Floralnomad Wed 14-Nov-12 17:26:46

Your DH is being completely unreasonable , has it always been this bad ? Perhaps you should suggest he go live with them if he finds you and your DD so boring !

HullyEastergully Wed 14-Nov-12 17:26:49

It wouldn't matter if you didn't mind, but you do, so it does.

But I don't know how you can stop him wanting to be with them...

OrangeLily Wed 14-Nov-12 17:28:49

Wrong wrong wrong and somewhat creepy! If you didn't have your DD I would say run!!!!!

Thisisaeuphemism Wed 14-Nov-12 17:29:05

Crikey, he sounds like a big baby - with apologies to big babies.

Shakirasma Wed 14-Nov-12 17:29:24

YANBU. Although I can't help but wonder how you found yourself married to, and parenting with this mummy's boy.

Tbh, it is a bit late in the day to be complaining about this now. You never even went on a date so surely you knew what you were getting when you said 'I do'.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 14-Nov-12 17:29:42

YANBU. It's not normal for a grown man to want to spend so much time with parents when he's a family of your own. Why is he so excessively dependent on them and what does he say to defend you when they pick holes in your unsuitability as a DIL? Tell him no-one likes a Mummy's boy.... then make some plans for interesting things to do at the weekend.

EricNorthmanIsMyMaker Wed 14-Nov-12 17:32:07

How long have you been together? My mil drives me insane & I only see her every few weeks. I'd have completely lost the plot spending as much time with her as you are with yours.
As the others said! And he needs to get his priorities sorted.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 14-Nov-12 17:34:04

"says that he would find spending the day just me him and our DD "Boring"."

Maybe you need to start planning for life without him? He doesn't sound like he's really got his head around what it means to be married with children. He's the boring one btw...

neverquitesure Wed 14-Nov-12 17:34:23

Oh dear, you are living the life I would have had if I had stayed with & married my 'Mummy's boy' ex.

I'm resisting the urge to say RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN as you are married with a child and you still seem to like him. YA most definitely NBU though.

Somehow, somehow you will have to wean him off this near-daily contact. But how I do not know <helpful>

Thisisaeuphemism Wed 14-Nov-12 17:34:30

You really never went out together? How did you get to know each other?

FatimaLovesBread Wed 14-Nov-12 17:36:11

YASNBU! How long have you been together if you don't mind me asking? If you've never actually gone out together just you and DP.

I sometimes feel like we see my PIL too much, which will probably become even more often with DC1 due, but we see them far far less than you.

I would also be pissed off with the inequality between spending time with his and your family.

What can he even find to talk about with his DM so often confused

CatsRule Wed 14-Nov-12 17:36:11

When do you get time to see your family...does he accommodate as much as you do in seeing your family?

I can't see where he is coming from re private family time being boring!

I think seeing either family that much is total overkill..and I like my family but we couldn't live in each others pockets!

Trazzletoes Wed 14-Nov-12 17:38:04

In the nicest possible way... How were you unaware of this before you got married and had a DD?

Marzipanface Wed 14-Nov-12 17:39:56

This would drive me nuts. You need time as a family. If he is not happy about this then I would reconsider this relationship. It is totally disrespectful saying it is 'boring' without his family and for him not to listen to your needs and point of view.

FatimaLovesBread Wed 14-Nov-12 17:42:09

Sorry, I seem to have completely bypassed the fact that you're married from your OP (not sure how). How did you wind up being married to him with spending so little time alone together?

And him saying private time is boring, isn't that just what he's doing with his parents? He should realise that now he's an adult, instead of spending time as his Mum, Dad and him, he has now got his own family so he should be spending that time as him, you and your DD

SmallBump48 Wed 14-Nov-12 17:42:42

I have been with DH 4 years now.

We have been out together but we have never been alone when we do go out, He always invites his friends and it ends up being me DH and his friends as i didnt know others were invited, or they ring DH up saying "What are you doing tonight?" and DH would just invite them without thinking about spending time together alone. This has happened a few times and If you havent guessed already, we met through a mutual friend.

He moved out of his home when he was 16 and hardly ever saw his M, When he was at university he went over a year without seeing her even though it was an hour away on the train. It has been ever since we have been together that he wants to spend every waking minute around there house.

I just dont know what to do anymore, It is driving me insane as i am seen as the "Bad guy" with DH if i dont want to see them or the MIL when he runs off a tells them that i dont so he has to go on his own.

Spatsky Wed 14-Nov-12 17:44:10

YANBU but a doubt you are going to singlehandedly change him now.

I know this isn't very pleasant but you need to think about whether, if this continues, you are prepared to continue your marriage with him (sorry a kindly version of LTB I know).

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 14-Nov-12 17:45:39

That would drive me insane if it were my own mother let alone anybody else's

wordfactory Wed 14-Nov-12 17:47:27

On my word.
He finds spending time with you boring?

Seriously, how is there any way forward with that?

JackThePumpkinKing Wed 14-Nov-12 17:53:36

Christ, how on earth do you put up with this!?

I'd be arranging a lot of time consuming activities over weekends, and tell him to cut the bloody apron strings. If he doesn't like it he can go back and live with Mummy!

So.. you've never really spent any time alone without friends or MIL being there? Sounds like you don't have too much to lose!

OwlLady Wed 14-Nov-12 17:56:04

you have been with him for 4 years and have never been out alone together???

honestly that is seriously odd unless you are a teenager

and his Mum's behaviour sounds suffocating

LittleBairn Wed 14-Nov-12 18:01:12

YANBU in fact your DH sounds like the one who is a bore!
Wtf to him and mummy talk about for two hours after spending half the week together!
They sound unnaturally dependant on one another.

It doesn't sound like a fulfilling relationship, it's all about his wants, I would have a very frank chat with him about where you see this relationship going because it doesn't work for you.

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