to ask why the cat attacked my anus

[Corygal]

So I settle down to a snory night with an equally snory tabby. While in my eyes it is a tiny helpless scrap of fur, to the uninitiated it may strangely appear as a 30lb feral tom.

It traditionally gets me up by scratching me gently on the elbow. But this morning, as it 'patted' my arm, I let rip a massive fart. The next thing I feel is a bloody great hairy arm shooting up the nightie.

It lashed out under the bridge. Three times.

Shrieking 'Paws not claws' repeatedly, I finally got free of its flailing, slicing claws and staggered to the kitchen where it got its 3 breakfasts, drink, milk, snack and so on.

I am now feeding it its post-supper treat but my arsehole still throbs.

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

Weeping. Now of no earthly use whatsoever.

[AlphabetiSpaghetti]

Oh that's funny. Painful, yet funny. And you win the award for best thread title ever.

[GeraldineAubergine]

That is unfortunate op. maybe he mistook the sound of your trumptons for an angry Tom and was merely facing off against a hitherto unseen enemy. Pants might not go amiss next time :)

[Remotecontrolduck]

I'm actually crying

[ravenAK]

Glad it's not just me fighting off the cat's rearguard attacks. They really don't seem to like being farted on.

[PropertyNightmare]

Oh fuck that made me laugh . Get better soon OP's ringpiece

[FairPhyllis]

Steel knickers on in bed from now on.

[Grumpla]

Is it officially Fart Day on MN?

[GrimAndHumourless]

oh GUFFAW

one of my late cats used to wake me by standing on my heid and hooking into my nostrils with it's claws. Didn't help that it was polydactyl.

[GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob]

Oh Jesus, that is so funny.



Hope you can sit down sometime soon.

[Corygal]

And I've got an anal fissure.

[whois]

V funny!

[cheekydevil]

That is the first time I have ever laughed at a thread title (hard to make laugh
Oh dear, poor you. Put some sudacrem on it :) silly arse!

[BerryLellow]

:o Ouchy

An old boss of mine once told me their new kitten had bitten his wife's nipple in bed one morning. I didn't need to be told this.

[GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob]

'tis true Grumpla, op elsewhere on mn there is a suspected fart related pregnancy.

You appear to have come off better with a little light shredding.

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

Stop. Pleeeease stop....

I have to take a very serious phone call in a minute and I'm in no fit state

[EyeoftheStorm]

The threads have been getting funnier and funnier today and this one just tipped me over the edge. DS1 wants to know why I'm wheezing. I can't explain - he's only 8. Plenty of time for arse-attacking pussies when he's older.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

I am, for once, speechless.

[BitBewildered]

! Get well soon OPs poor arse!

[PersonalClown]

Am hyperventilating trying to tell this to DP.

He says you've violated the cat!

[Corygal]

Tell your DP my little prince seems fine, in fact in a rather good mood.

[susiedaisy]

'Paws not claws'

[HeirExtensions]

Oh your poor arse

[KenLeeeeeee]

I am now a weeping, guffawing mess! With wine all over my computer

DH has begged me to stop reading him MN threads about arses!

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

There are no words.

Which is why I just scared the cat by laughing. Luckily, he didn't go for my arse.