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AIBU?

to have let DP oversleep and miss his football match?

66 replies

LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:09

It is a long standing gripe of mine that DP sleeps so much at the weekend and eats into the family time he could be spending with our DDs. I appreciate that he works very hard during the week, but actually his lie ins are more down to the fact that he doesn't come to bed until 3am or 4am on Friday and Saturday evenings. Whenever we have plans as a family, or even as a couple, I have to wake him several times before he will haul his arse out of bed, rather than fall straight back to sleep.

So today his team's football match has an early kick off. I only know this because I happened to be in the room when the captain rang him the other day to confirm that they all needed to be at the club by 1pm, which would require DP to leave our house by 12.15 at the latest. It is now 1.05pm, and he is fast asleep upstairs. Any second now the captain will call to ask where the hell he is.

So WIBU not to wake him, given that he had not deliberately made me aware of the early kick off, he did not set his alarm, or do anything else to make sure he got up on time? I'm hoping that the grief he'll inevitably get off his team might finally be the kick up the backside that I have failed to get across, that he needs to take responsibility for his own time-keeping at the weekend, rather than relying on me to mother him. However, ten other men are about to be let down by his absence, for which I feel a teeny bit guilty.

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ChippingIn · 08/10/2011 13:12

Oh based on the fact that others would be let down I would have woken him - BUT not waking him will hopefully teach him a lesson.

Him not spending time with the kids/me due to staying up until stupid o'clock then sleeping in for half/most of the day would be a major deal for me though and we would be having proper/serious shape up or ship out conversations.

ChippingIn · 08/10/2011 13:13

Anyway, it's too late now to worry about it. He has already let the others down, let the captain ring him and bawl him out.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 08/10/2011 13:14

You're not his mother. It's not your job to get his arse out of bed.

caughtinanet · 08/10/2011 13:15

Not unreasonable at all, your DP hasn't told you about the time of the kick off. You're not his mother, no need to worry.

caughtinanet · 08/10/2011 13:15

x posts with Hecate

MrsGaff · 08/10/2011 13:17

He sleeps at the weekend till past 1pm then takes himself off to football. And this is a regular thing? When do you get a sleep in and time to yourself?

Go chuck a bucket of iced water over him.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 08/10/2011 13:17

Yes. It's not a good idea to take charge of someone because if you don't - they will be letting others down. They never learn to take responsibility for themselves and to actually ensure that they don't let others down.

Of course, when he wakes up, he will of course blame the OP for not waking him. In his eyes, it will be her fault that he has let his team mates down. Not his for ensuing that he sets an alarm or actually takes responsibility or anything.

purplewerepidj · 08/10/2011 13:17

Footy-mad DP says he's being a bit of a tosser. He says you shouldn't be so soft on him - if he was that up for it, he would be up and raring to go. DP wouldn't want him on his football team if that's his lazy attitude!

Hth

purplewerepidj · 08/10/2011 13:19

When the captain rings, politely say "I'll just see if he's available"

Then take the phone, kick your DH, and hand him the phone. Refuse point blank to take any responsibility for another adult's failure.

Eglu · 08/10/2011 13:20

YANBU. Sleeping in until after lunch when you are parf of a family is not om.

LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:20

In fairness, I don't ever get a lie in, even when he offers (which he does), because DD2 is only 3 months and BFing, plus is at the stage where only mummy will do, and she screams for hours on end if she doesn't know where I am. So I just accept that, while I'm on maternity leave, I don't get lie ins anymore, but the pay off is not having to be out of the house by 8am Mon-Fri.

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LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:21

And he won't blame me for this because I will lie deny all knowledge of the early kick off.

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HornySwoggle · 08/10/2011 13:22

haha excellent!! YADNBU!!

HornySwoggle · 08/10/2011 13:23

Just to add, as someone else has pointed out, him staying in bed until lunch time and then going to football etc is rather selfish of him isn't it. If it's a regular thing I wouldn't be putting up with it.

GypsyMoth · 08/10/2011 13:23

Any movement yet?

I'd feel bad to be honest. How does he usually get up?

baskingseals · 08/10/2011 13:24

yanbu

this is so annoying. i know it well.
be neither guilty nor defiant when sleeping beauty finally decides to grace you with his presence.

just act like everything is fine. pehaps hum a bit.

sometimes i really really wonder exactly what is the point of men.

valiumredhead · 08/10/2011 13:25

You are not his mother! It is not your job to make sure he is up! He should've set his alarm clock ffs!

ShroudOfHamsters · 08/10/2011 13:26

YANBU.

Your response: 'Wow, I thought it was just us that you chose to let down all the time...'

HippyHippopotamus · 08/10/2011 13:27

YANBU!

I'd have done exactly the same if I were in your position

NinkyNonker · 08/10/2011 13:27

A grown man with a family sleeping till gone 1pm? Amazing.

Neverever · 08/10/2011 13:28

Yadnbu, this used to annoy me too!

WitchesBroomForMyChin · 08/10/2011 13:28

YADNBU my dp also plays football every Saturday but on the understanding that he does the early feed with dd and that I get to have a nice relaxing bath while he looks after dd. He certainly wouldn't be having a lie in and playing football in the same day. You need to spend time together as a family and you need a bit of time to yourself too.

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AnyCorpseFucker · 08/10/2011 13:30

I would have done the same

Except I would tell him, with the reasons why

Your husband sounds spectaculaly selfish

Sleeping in till 1pm when he has a family ?

That is teenager behaviour and I wonder why you are tolerating it

oldraver · 08/10/2011 13:31

I think I would be out of the house when he gets the call, tempting as it may be to watch the fall out.

LisasCat · 08/10/2011 13:32

He would usually just wake around about now (often aided by DD1 jumping on the bed due to boredom while I make lunch), and then hotfoot it out of here, making it on time by the skin of his teeth.

There's been no contact from the captain yet, making me think that they know DP far too well to risk putting him down for the starting line up. Unfortunately, I think he is one of their best players, so he knows his place on the team is fairly secure.

Several of our friends regularly tell him he's a lucky bastard for having me, as I'm so laid back about how much time he spends playing football, and he often acknowledges this and tells me how grateful he is. I really don't mind that bit, it's something important to him, that also means he gets to spend time with his mates. So he doesn't then go out drinking with them at other times, despite the fact that few of them have DCs and so they're out all the time.

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