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More of a WAS I BU, sonce it's done now and I can't change it.

(73 Posts)
DooinMeCleanin Thu 29-Sep-11 10:19:40

So this morning was as hetic as usual, but I wasn't at work last night so at least everything was where it should be.

Dd1 was dressed. Dd2 was upstairs getting dressed, DH was in bed sleeping angry. I was simultaneously making breakfast, making packed lunches, feeding the dogs, trying to coax the cat in and trying to convince dd1 to brush her properly.

Dd2 appeared nekkid in the dining room clutching her uniform and a towel she could only have gotten from DH. "Daddy said you have to put me in the shower before I go to school because my knees are dirty" I calmly explained I did not have time and I would wipe her down with a flannel before we set off, so could she please get dressed as we have to leave in 20 minutes. Nope, she was adamant she would not get dressed "Daddy said". 'Daddy' was still in bed at this point. I shouted up and asked him to tell dd2 to get dressed because she was refusing. He yelled down that I must shower her before I (as in me, of course) take her to school.

At this point I may have lost my temper just slightly and stormed out with dressed and breakfasted dd1 blush. I did yell up the stairs to tell him I was leaving dd2 so he needed to get up and sort her out and take her to school because it wasn't fair for dd1 to be late due to his sleeping yet creating more work for me.

Dd2 is only 4, so she wouldn't be missing as much or causing as much disturbance to the rest of the class if she was late as dd1 would do.

After I had stormed out I and dropped dd1 off I might possibly have gone to sit and have a coffee on the way home, knowing full well he would be struggling and they still wouldn't have set off. It is also possible that I then dawdled home rather slowly. They were just leaving when I got back at 9:35 hmm

NoobyNoob Thu 29-Sep-11 10:22:35

Were YBU? Fuck no.

He needed to get up and help you, simple as that. I think he was being extremely unreasonable and lazy not to do so.

I would've done the exact same thing in your shoes.

NoMoreWasabi Thu 29-Sep-11 10:23:12

Depends why he was in bed

loveglove Thu 29-Sep-11 10:24:31

Haha, go you! smile

PeneloPeePitstop Thu 29-Sep-11 10:24:39

YWNBU.... at all

DooinMeCleanin Thu 29-Sep-11 10:25:19

He was in bed because he doesn't have to start work until 10am so he can get up after we leave and the madness has ceased.

SpanishPaella Thu 29-Sep-11 10:26:20

two adults cant get two small children ready for school in the morning?


NoMoreWasabi Thu 29-Sep-11 10:26:39

Then ywnbu and he was an arse

DooinMeCleanin Thu 29-Sep-11 10:27:29

There was only one adult SP, the other was sleeping. I was managing perfectly well until the sleeping adult told the youngest child not to get dressed and then went back to sleep.

Flowerista Thu 29-Sep-11 10:27:56

Hahaha at might

No, ywnbu but I'd get your tin hat out for a row when DH gets back all hot and bothered and entitled.

Ilovedaintynuts Thu 29-Sep-11 10:27:56

Cheeky bugger. My DH wouldn't do that and expect to get away with it. However I would have immediately stormed upstairs and told him to get up NOW and help me.

Unless he has the flu, or some debilitating condition YANBU.

SoupDragon Thu 29-Sep-11 10:28:00

You were being a teensy bit unreasonable from the point of view that it wasn't fair on your DD2. I would have stormed upstairs and shouted at him to stop being a lazy wanker though.

SoupDragon Thu 29-Sep-11 10:29:30

And you do know that your DD2 will tell everyone she is late "because mummy took DD1 to school and left me behind" don't you?

DamselInDisarray Thu 29-Sep-11 10:30:04

Definitely not unreasonable. You know this. You also know that your DH was utterly unreasonable, and particularly so since he didn't bother to even try to get your DD to school until he was leaving for work anyway.

If he insists she needs a shower, then he can shower her. If he doesn't want to participate in the morning routine, then he has no right to decide how you do it.

Scholes34 Thu 29-Sep-11 10:30:05

Who sent her to bed with dirty knees??

seeker Thu 29-Sep-11 10:30:14

I think you were both behaving like 13 year olds. And being very unfair to both children who were caught in the middle.

redskyatnight Thu 29-Sep-11 10:30:51

Sorry I think you handled the incident badly. You either tell DD2 (in a way that she doesn't argue with) that she will be sponged down and dressed ... or you have a calm discussion with DH (that doesn't involve shouting up stairs) where you explain that you don't have time to shower DD2 and if he thinks this is really important would he be able to help.

However I'd also look at rethinking your morning routine if it's normally so hectic - possibly getting up earlier, doing lunches the night before (either you or DH), can't the dogs wait to be fed till you get back from school etc. If you weren't so stressed showering and dressing a 4 year old with 20 minutes to spare is not really so impossible.

Why is DH in bed? If it's because he worked overnight or does lots to help at other times of the day (so mornings are accepted as your job) then it's ok. If he's just being lazy, sound like you need to discuss.

Tianc Thu 29-Sep-11 10:31:22

YWSNBU shock

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 29-Sep-11 10:31:41

Utterly reasonable in my view. If he thought she needed a shower, he should have got up and seen to it himself. Maybe what you did will make him realise that getting a child out to school in the morning is hectic and stressful, and not easy at all - and is only made harder when a prat someone throws a huge spanner in the works as he did this morning.

Maybe you need to sit down with him and explain, in simple words, how insisting a child needs a shower, when there are only moments to go before you have to leave the house to get to school in time, is NOT helpful.

On the odd occasion where dh used to have to get the boys ready for school and walk them there, he used to start preparing for this the night before - doing far more organising than I ever did - because he knew how hectic it was going to be in the morning and that he'd need every bit of help he could give himself (if you see what I mean).

allhailtheaubergine Thu 29-Sep-11 10:32:28

Bit unfair on dd2.

Dh was being an arse though.

MrsRhettButler Thu 29-Sep-11 10:36:34

I want to know who sent her to bed with dirty knees too?

But ywnbu

CristinadellaPizza Thu 29-Sep-11 10:37:02

I feel a bit sorry for DD2 and I would have taken her to school on time. BUT I would have been furious with DH issuing instructions from his bed.

Why can't you take it in turns to get the DC ready for school or is that a dim question? <lacks understanding of dynamics in two parent families>

DooinMeCleanin Thu 29-Sep-11 10:37:20

She didn't have dirty knees Scholes, she had a bit of her supper around her mouth. Her knees were fine, she does get washed/flanneled each moring and showered every other night.

nomoreheels Thu 29-Sep-11 10:37:24

If DP tried to dictate orders from his bed I would explode. That is incredibly rude. And grubby knees can be sorted with a flannel.

SnakeOnCrack Thu 29-Sep-11 10:38:34

TOTALLY reasonable. Anyone saying "well you obviously don't manage your time correctly if you're rushed in the mornings" can get off their high horses too. She's already said they would have been perfectly on time but for her 4 year old refusing to get dressed on her father's instructions. My niece loves playing games like that herself so I've witnessed it first hand!

Also, I don't think you shouting up the stares is a heinous crime either, that sort of carry on would try the patience of a saint.

Him ordering you to put her in the shower is not on. Lazy arse!

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