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AIBU?

To ask DH to have the snip?

66 replies

mad4mainecoons · 22/09/2011 18:15

im after your - or actually your Dh / DP's experiecnces on this front actually.

i have come to the conclusion after years of trying different hormonal contraceptives and having two children, that i will not put any more artificial hormones in my body. It does not seem to sit well with me and i feel 15 years of trying to find something that works, and suffering pretty miserably as a result is ENOUGH!

so im asking DH to have a vasectomy as condoms are darn expensive! and frankly, horrid! but after doing some basic research im wondering if im BU?

some of the side effects are pretty grim and apparrently they are more common then men are led to believe.

so of the men you know, who have had it done? was it ok for them?

i want to know if im BU to ask him to risk it?

OP posts:

Report

Gonzo33 · 22/09/2011 18:19

My Dad had it done and was fine, my husbands Dad had it done and conceived my husbands brother, so had to have it done again.

We decided (due to my husbands work commitments) that I would be sterilised because neither of us wanted any more children. I had that done in April and everything is fine.

Shakirasma · 22/09/2011 18:21

YANBU to ask him, but you must respect his choice if he refuses.

My DH was one of the unfortunates who did not find it a walk in the park. Its not always straighforward, though it mostly is, and must be the sole decision of the individual going under the knife.

SnapesMistress · 22/09/2011 18:21

My dad did it, me and dp are far too young to consider it. I think the health aspects are secondary here, its a pretty safe procedure. I would be more worried about the emotional reaction he may have. You also have to prepare for the possibility that you may (remote possibility) still concieve after he has it done.

Blatherskite · 22/09/2011 18:24

DH was done after the birth of our second child. The only side-effect was a bit of oozing. He said it wasn't even particularly sore. He was in and out within 10 mins!

stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 22/09/2011 18:25

DH had it done and after the initial soreness wore off he was fine and it was the best thing we he ever did. having said that he was keen to have it as he felt it was an easier op for him than it would have been for me to be sterilised but had he been reluctant I probably would have gone for it myself.

Andrewofgg · 22/09/2011 18:36

His body, his decision. End of. Same as you are the final arbiter about your body.

UsingMainlySpoons · 22/09/2011 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummysleepy · 22/09/2011 18:40

Have you tried a copper coil? No hormones and very effective contraception

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 22/09/2011 18:44

You've got a right to ask, and he should give it serious consideration and not just dismiss out of hand.

Mirena has worked well for me (no periods, YAY!) , though some on here have not got on with it at all. If that was no good, I'd be out of options. I know I'd worry about my DH having a vasectomy, but I'd hope he'd look into it seriously.

cheesypopfan · 22/09/2011 18:47

DH had it 18mths ago. It was a difficult procedure and DH was very bruised for about 10 days, but all is fine now and its made life so much easier. I was like you, OP, in that hormonal contraception really didn't suit. What does your DH think, though, because, ultimately, its his decison

dealer · 22/09/2011 18:51

Personal experience with all contraception is a nightmare I'm afraid. I don't get on with any hormone based things, they make me mad and depressed. So I had a copper coil, which fell out a few weeks later, they insisted this was unusual so a new one was fitted and checked a few weeks later (all fine) a fortnight later it fell out again and I found out I was pregnant.
Had horrendous pregnancy with hg and spd, so determined not to fall preg again. Male sterilisation is lower risk, and with my history there's no way dh would have let me go under the knife. Unfortunately he has been left with permanent bollock pain and no sex drive. The thing is though, we'd completely run out of options so if I could go back I don't know what I would have done differently.

AnyoneButLulu · 22/09/2011 18:56

DH had it done and did have very painful side effects for a couple of weeks, which I felt very guilty about. Bless him, he didn't tell me about the risks of it going horribly permanently wrong, which his consultant divulged to him.
All fine now and as he so rightly says, having seen my labours and recoveries, he's still had the better end of the deal overall. But I would counsel caution against pushing your DH into it against his wishes, because it could well go wrong, which would be awkward if it wasn't his free choice in the first place.

cabbagesoup · 22/09/2011 19:00

Dh had is done at 38 years old - I was exactly like you fed up of the pill etc - he was in and out in 10 minutes and right as rain in a day or two. Really simple and has made a huge difference all around. We both know we don't want anymore and it's like a weight has been lifted knowing the risk of pregnancy is almost 0..

Groovee · 22/09/2011 19:06

YANBU to ask him but you can't force him. Dh had it done in 2008 5 years after he agreed he would get done. It was ok for him and he actually said the lead up was worse then the procedure. Being a tradesman he had a few days off work and rested. The bruising was a shock but we're happy that we have made this decision

mad4mainecoons · 22/09/2011 19:18

thanks, this is really helping

he is seriously thinking about it but i want to help him to make an informed decision as sadly HCP dont always give you all the facts.

i would go to be sterilised tomorrow, but the fact that we have 2 young DC's, i work part time and do the majority of the home and childcare would make it really difficult for me to be out of action. plus the fact that the failure rate seems much higher with female sterilisations.

thanks for the input, keep it coming

OP posts:

cricketballs · 22/09/2011 19:22

when every I mentioned the 'v' word to my dh he immediately put his hands on his crouch and said no! (he's also a tradesman and heard stupid stories on site, for instance that when they pull the tube your neck goes to one side as its all connected )

As I was the one who was so sure that I wanted no more than 2 children I was sterilised. I will admit that it was painful the next day (felt like I had been kicked by a horse) but after the initial pain everything is fine; just wish I didn't have to put up with having periods every month when there is no need.....

spookshowangellovesit · 22/09/2011 19:38

bf had it done 2 weeks ago. little bit of pain after bit tender for a week after. was good to go sex wise 2 days after and really really enjoyed it. think he was worried he might have ruined himself or something. so far he is almost back to normal and i am very pleased he has stopped wearing the oh so sexy jock strap.

PorkChopSter · 22/09/2011 19:54

DH walked home from his vasectomy. It's been brilliant.

highlandcoo · 22/09/2011 19:56

My husband had it done after quite a bit of thought, when our youngest was three. Really straightforward and brilliant not to have to worry about contraception since. Out of several friends who also had the snip, one suffered a lot of discomfort and the others were fine

whackamole · 22/09/2011 20:22

spookshow I hope you have been using alternative contraception!

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 20:29

my husband was fine, but OP i will warn you that it took ME along time to enjoy sex after as i kept thinking i would get pregnant

troisgarcons · 22/09/2011 20:33

This will go down like a ton of bricks .... if YOU dont want anymore children YOU get sterilised.

No one can legislate what life will throw at you - but YOU shouldnt stop your OH having the possibility of children in another relationship - YOU might fall under a bus tomorrow.

I chose to call a halt to our family. I chose to be sterilised. I dont ever want to be pregnant again. (Ok it was health reasons in the main) But I might die tomorrow. Who the hell am I to pontificate that OH should have had a vasectomy to save my health???

I know this is an anathema on MN - but you have to take responsibility for your own health; be that physical or mental.

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nethunsreject · 22/09/2011 20:36

Dh wanted to have one, but I vetoed it. It was booked and everything.

The risk of long term probs are supposedly small, but I just do not think it is worth it.

You can get condoms for free. Personally I like them and so does dh.

Is disliking condoms really a good enough reason to get a scalpel through part of your body? Maybe it is for some, but not for me.

I totally distrust most surgeons I know!

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 20:38

www.mariestopes.org.uk/RequestVasectomyPack.aspx

these will email you an information pack, you could read it together and make an inform decsion.

Hassled · 22/09/2011 20:43

DH was a complete and utter wuss about it but irritatingly, he was doing the whole "I'll pretend to have a stiff upper lip/pain threshold because I know Hassled has zero tolerance for people being wusses" thing. Which made me feel like a right cow, but also cross because I knew deep down he was being a right wuss and has no pain threshold, and that's clearly his fault.

Anyway, apart from all that, it was a piece of piss. No problems whatsoever.

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