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To make the kids pay back the £10 they lost?

(65 Posts)
Lorenz Sun 12-Jun-11 12:59:38

So this morning, I'm covered in paint, needed milk, asked the kids if they'd pop to shop for me some milk and get themselves some sweets for when we watch a dvd this afternoon. I then realised I only had a £20 note. DS1 is 12 so I thought I could trust him and off they went after me telling them to be careful with the the money.

Then they get back and due to pratting around, arguining and messing around in the street they have lost a £10 note. I seriously CANNOT afford to just "Lose" £10 like this. I have sent them back to look for it (hardly likely to still be there if they'd dropped it however) and have said if they can't find it they're to go to the cash machine and get £10 out of the their own bank to pay me back the money (so £5 each).

AIBU?

Lorenz Sun 12-Jun-11 13:06:36

Or should I just make DS1 pay it back as he was the one trusted with the money?

ForeverNamechanging Sun 12-Jun-11 13:09:22

I think you should be mad at them and punish them but not by paying you back

You trusted 2 children with money

Why didn't you go to the shop with them?

And blaming just ds1 is mean.

Lorenz Sun 12-Jun-11 13:10:42

I'm in the middle of decorating and am covered in paint. I thought if they popped to shop whilst I made their lunch we could all sit down and watch a dvd this afternoon.

RoseC Sun 12-Jun-11 13:14:09

YANBU if you thought you could trust DS1 - you know what he's capable of after all. My parents didn't trust me with spending money (and they still give my sister the spare keys if we're splitting up when we go out) but were trusting DSis from age 8/9 with our joint spending money and she never lost it.

I think they should pay it back as it wasn't an accident per se - the wind didn't blow it out of their hands, another child didn't take it, they lost it through misbehaviour & arguing. Maybe dock their future pocket money or not give them a planned treat that equates to £10?

atswimtwolengths Sun 12-Jun-11 13:14:09

I think you're quite right. They need to learn that they can't mess about with money, especially when it's so desperately needed.

How old is your other child?

I think whoever was holding the money should pay it back.

I had a terrible time with my daughter when she was around that age. She lost everything - money, school uniform, her jacket, trainers, a card with £25 of vouchers. It was only when I started to claim the money back from her that she became more careful. I only had to do it once.

atswimtwolengths Sun 12-Jun-11 13:14:42

Forevernamechanging why should she go to the shop with a 12 year old, for god's sake?

atswimtwolengths Sun 12-Jun-11 13:15:47

Just re-read it - if they were both messing about, they should pay jointly. They will never learn otherwise. Even if you didn't need the money, you should make them pay for that.

OpusProSerenus Sun 12-Jun-11 13:16:47

I think it depends on your DCs reaction OP. I have made my DD pay me back when she lost £10 as it was through carelessness and she was a bit too "Meh" about it.

OTOH I remember being little and dropping half a crown (showing my age!) down a grid on my way to get chips for the family for tea and being so distraught my parents let me off although, God knows, they could ill afford it.

I would see how they react when they get back. Sometimes it is a good thing to teach them responsibility at an early age.

Lorenz Sun 12-Jun-11 13:16:50

The other child is 10 and apparently they were walking home from the shop, started pushing each other around and arguing, the bag got chucked on the floor and DS1 thinks this is when the money got lost.

I'm taking £5 from each of their bank accounts.

diddl Sun 12-Jun-11 13:17:01

I think that they-or maybe just he should pay it back.

Did he just stuff the change in a pocket?

AuntieMonica Sun 12-Jun-11 13:17:02

but everyone loses stuff from time to time, i think you're being a bit mean to blame them for it!

unless you are 100% certain they did it on purpose, it wasn't a 'behaviour' that needs a punishment is it?

sorry you're ten quid down, but if it was going to be that important, you should have gone yourself.

TidyDancer Sun 12-Jun-11 13:17:30

Yes, I think getting them to pay is probably the sensible thing to do.

ForeverNamechanging Sun 12-Jun-11 13:17:41

I didnt say she should atswimtwolengths I just asked why Perhaps re read before posting

nijinsky Sun 12-Jun-11 13:19:45

No, you've presumably given them a bit of a row - thats punishment enough. They're only children, it was an accident (have you never lost your own purse?) and its only £10. If you want something done properly, do it yourself.

Lorenz Sun 12-Jun-11 13:20:39

Their reaction was shit to be honest. DS2 didn't really react at all, was more interested in getting stuck into the sweets and DS1 just said "well just spend £10 less on groceries next week".

They don't give a shit.

When DS1 lost his ipod touch his reaction was "I don't use it much anyway, plus it's the 3rd generation and the 4th gen is out now".

When he loses his phone his reaction is "doesn't matter, I'll just use facebook to talk to my mates" because he can't be arsed to look for it.

He had his PE kit at school a WEEK after I'd bought it before the full thing got lost. He couldn't be arsed to look for it so his solution = "Just buy me a new one and I'll make it last 2 years so you don't have to get me one next year".

ForeverNamechanging Sun 12-Jun-11 13:22:01

So he loses thingsd oftern yet you still send him off with £20 you cant afford to do without?

Children lose things.

ForeverNamechanging Sun 12-Jun-11 13:22:17

things often even

Trills Sun 12-Jun-11 13:22:39

ForeverNamechanging you ask "Why didn't you go to the shop with them?"

Because she was busy and they are 10 and 12. Old enough to be expected to buy milk and bring back the change.

Do you really need to ask?

ilovesooty Sun 12-Jun-11 13:22:53

I'd take the money from them. They might learn a lesson from it that way. A hard one but it should stop them messing around in future.

Trills Sun 12-Jun-11 13:23:29

x-posts, if they are that irresponsible in general then it looks as if they cannot be trusted to buy milk and bring back the change!

LineRunner Sun 12-Jun-11 13:24:20

Hi Lorenz, my DS did this last year!

He ran home from the shop and the tenner must have fallen out of his pocket. I did the same as you - telling off, made him go back and search for it (to no avail). However, he really did feel guilty and he was clearly sorry, and I decided that was punishment enough, also because (a) I was the one who gave him a £20 note to go to the shop; and (b) I felt that he had learned a lesson about carelessness.

I fully respect your decision to take a fiver from each of your children if you think that will help them learn a lesson, and if you think they were messing around. What I would just ask is, were they sorry they lost the money? If they were actually really sorry, I would probably take pity on them. But then again I often wonder if I'm too soft.....

LineRunner Sun 12-Jun-11 13:25:20

Ah you've answered my question above, whilst I was posting it!

ilovesooty Sun 12-Jun-11 13:26:59

If they aren't even sorry they lost it and are generally careless I wouldn't even have any guilt about making them pay.

ForeverNamechanging Sun 12-Jun-11 13:28:06

Trills i asked because i just wondered why i guess

my 8 year old goes to the shop at the end of our street alone often but he is a CHILD and i wouldn't trust him with so much money- especially if they had a history of losing stuff

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