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to expect money gifts before baby not after

(81 Posts)
grumpydopeysleepy Tue 09-Nov-10 17:18:08

DPs and DPILs were overjoyed to hear they were going to be grandparents, and said early on they'd rather just give us money so we could get what we needed. Due date has arrived and we're all ready for baby.

We've had to just go ahead and buy everything ourselves (mostly 2nd hand) as neither offer has materialised. I'm sure once baby pops out they'll get round to it and I'd never dream of mentioning it, but it might have made a difference to what we could afford. I don't mind 2nd hand but would have liked certain things new, especially as we hope to go on to have more children.

Am I allowed to be just a bit miffed?

BooBooGlass Tue 09-Nov-10 17:18:53

yabu and ungratefl

overmydeadbody Tue 09-Nov-10 17:19:45

No you are not allowed to be miffed.

nickelbangBANGbang Tue 09-Nov-10 17:19:57

YANBU - the whole reason for them offerign the money was so that you could buy what you need - it's no good having to wait until the baby's born to get all that stuff.

Maybe they didn't really mean their offer?
maybe you should bring it up with them (and you should have paid on the credit card, so that if the money arrives later, at least they could still pay for the stuff)

mjinhiding Tue 09-Nov-10 17:20:17

Message withdrawn

ConnorTraceptive Tue 09-Nov-10 17:20:19

I can see your point but I'm sure you will be told you are unreasonable.

Obviously you can't mention it but don't worry there will be plenty of things in the future you can use the money for once baby comes

nickelbangBANGbang Tue 09-Nov-10 17:20:50

am i the only one who thinks yanbu, then?
I don't see the point of them offering money for the baby's stuff if they're not going to give it to them in time to buy the baby's stuff.

badfairy Tue 09-Nov-10 17:20:58

Totally unreasonable.

belgo Tue 09-Nov-10 17:21:07

Of course YABU. The baby will grow and you will need more and more, use the money for later.

classydiva Tue 09-Nov-10 17:21:13

In the old days you never bought anything into the house till the child was born. Am sure there be a card with cash awaiting you when you get home from hossie.

ConnorTraceptive Tue 09-Nov-10 17:21:30

It is true though that most stuff you buy for baby ahead of time can actually wait until after baby is born

AMumInScotland Tue 09-Nov-10 17:22:37

Why haven't you mentioned it to them? It would be easy enough to say "We're heading off shopping for the baby next weekend. You said you'd like to help towards it, would now be a good time?" Some people may not buy much before the baby actually appears, so they may not realise you are facing the costs up front.

expatinscotland Tue 09-Nov-10 17:22:46

YABU to expect any gifts at all, much less money.

loonies Tue 09-Nov-10 17:23:06

I can see your logic but I think that you are being a bit ungrateful. I'm sure they'll be lots of stuff you'll need to buy after the baby is born.

mrspear Tue 09-Nov-10 17:23:25

ungrateful - think of it this way babies always need something so put the money away and use it as when you need to buy something. Write a note who gave what (in terms of amount), send a thank you note for the money then when you spend it send another note saying what you got - we even used ours to cover bills as i lost 2 months wages as our DS was prem. Our relatives were glad they helped.

Guitargirl Tue 09-Nov-10 17:25:18

YABVU and I wouldn't worry about it: there will be plenty of things you will need extra money for in the coming months/years...put any money you get aside for future purchases.

jamaisjedors Tue 09-Nov-10 17:27:13

You don't NEED to buy anything before the baby is born (and you will shop better once it is here so that you know what you need).

Surely you haven't gone out and bought everything already?

You will still need nappies I imagine?

saffy85 Tue 09-Nov-10 17:28:01

YAB abit U you have a point but like mjinhiding says you could have bought it all after minus the absolute must have bits.

Did you drop a few heavy hints about what you wanted to buy? Which pram/cot/grossly overpriced nursery decor? Maybe they wanted to pay for a specific thing?

Maybe one set of GPs only offered because the other set had and they didn't want to be thought as tight? My dad offered to pay for the pram (which he did) and that set MIL wanting to write cheques left right and centre as she didn't want to be upstaged. Was a very lucrative pregnancy wink

saffy85 Tue 09-Nov-10 17:29:07

Oh and if you get it now it will come in handy unless you have bought everey single thing baby needs for the first 5 years of it's life.

taintedpaint Tue 09-Nov-10 17:29:15

Bloody hell. YABVU. If nothing was specified at the time, I would think the gifts will come after the baby has. You are also being very very unreasonable to use the word 'expect' WRT any gift.

grumpydopeysleepy Tue 09-Nov-10 17:29:16

nickelbang, yes its mostly on credit card, so can do that.

I know it was a genuine offer- DPIL suggested early on we use it to get travel system, but admitted we'd know better what would suit us.

grumpydopeysleepy Tue 09-Nov-10 17:34:05

taintedpaint- its them who offered and keep mentioning that they'll send a cheque. Just hasn't happened.

jamaisjedors- cloth diapering, but I see your point.

GiddyPickle Tue 09-Nov-10 17:34:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaDuggar Tue 09-Nov-10 17:40:07

You need an awful lot of things after a baby is born - surely you havent bought everything it will possibly need til age 5? hmm

jamaisjedors Tue 09-Nov-10 17:47:55

We used cloth nappies but we didn't buy the whole lot at the start. You will need some second stage nappies or some extra ones probably when you get into it.

Actually I am slightly biased in my accusation of yabu by the fact that my in-laws made various noises about getting something "for the baby" pre and post each DS but never got anything.

My mum hung back not wanting to tread on their toes until 2 weeks before the birth and then bought us a cot (only thing we got in advance apart from a few cloth nappies).

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