Ex and I split up last July. I am very glad we are not together - honestly, having spent the last 12 months on my own I have gone back to being the person I am happy with, not one who has to reform to fit him.
We have always said that new partners will be introduced to the children very slowly (i.e. when they are definately serious after 6 months or so) and that co-inhabiting is a step not to be taken lightly.
However he is now trying to change the rules. He has been wiht his girlfriend a couple of months, is in the throws of "young love" and wants her to be involved in everything he does with the kids.
I have said no for the minute, but tried to be diplomatic. Children are 4 & 2, and both going through change as it is (DS1 starts school in 2 weeks, DS2 will up nursery hours as my work pattern changes) Both are going through difficult developmental stages, and I am trying to cope with all of this already.
I have said I dont want her being introduced to them until DS1 has started school and is settled. I have also said that I want to be there the first few times they meet (I know her from old anyway, basically it was between me and her 7 years ago) as DS1 is very protective of me and asks a lot of questions.
I havent said no outright, just that I think we should hang fire - the relationship is very new, the children are not very good with big change, and with me being their primary carer I want to ensure their best interests (i.e. 1 on 1 contact with their father, no flitting girlfriends) are met
I've said I want to sit down and discuss it all when DS1 starts school (we're going together to take him and will have 2 hours alone till we need to pick him up) but I sense even though ex has agreed he is unhappy at having to wait.
AIBU to say hold fire? I know its all new and exciting for him, but I am pretty annoyed that he is yet again thinking of himself first and the kids last. He's moaning he doesnt get enough time with his girlfriend so wants to spend time with all of them - when he's unemployed and spends all day and 6 nights a week with her!!
I am so trying to be diplomatic here, but all he seems to have in his head is that I am putting barriers there because I am jealous and want him back, which is definately not true.
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AIBU?
to say no to kids meeting ex's new girlfriend?
66 replies
smokinaces · 18/08/2010 11:28
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