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To ask about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

(105 Posts)
MrsRyanGosling15 Sat 07-Jan-17 09:37:17

I know this is in the wrong place but I don't care, just hoping some wise people will see it and point me in the right direction.

I have had to take in a 12 month old baby who, it is clearly obvious has FAS. This child is so distressed and has nothing like a routine at all. She literally sleeps in 20 min blocks and must be clinging on to you. We have had her 1 week and input from Social services has been shocking really. They just say wait and see if parents get in touch buy they are still drinking heavily and have no intention of getting in touch.

This child doesn't make a sound at all, except the most ear piercing cry I have ever heard along with a really fast flapping of her arms. Even my 11yr old has asked what is wrong with her. I have no experience at all of a child like this and I'm afraid I'm going to stress her more r do her more harm than good. It's only been a week but I'm at breaking point. I have 4 other children in the house too and I have noticed they have all been acting up this week. Giving her away is not an option at all. I have to start her in a creche next week as we need to go to work.

If anyone has looked after a child like his do you have any advice? Especially on how to get her to go in her bed and sleep. Or any good online advice or resources? My 2 year old hasn't had a nap all week as I have just been sat on the sofa with the 1yr old crying and nodding off. I feel so bad I can't cope with this.

endofthelinefinally Sat 07-Jan-17 09:41:05

Have you rung your health visitor?
I would do that asap.
I am not sure who you could contact on a weekend though.
So sorry- it sounds horrendous.

Trifleorbust Sat 07-Jan-17 09:41:19

After 1 week she is probably still quite confused and distressed at the change. I wouldn't get any fixed ideas about the type of baby she is at this point - just keep providing her with affection and routine. No experience of this specifically, sorry. flowers

PotteringAlong Sat 07-Jan-17 09:43:12

You need to talk to social services, sort out carers leave from work and then speak to your health visitor and go from there.

PotteringAlong Sat 07-Jan-17 09:43:59

Have you got her registered at a nursery to start next week?

PotteringAlong Sat 07-Jan-17 09:45:25

And these people may be able to help you if you haven't already contacted them.

Delatron Sat 07-Jan-17 09:48:11

It probably is more to do with the environment she has come from and the change, at 12 months she would have an attachment to her parents (however unsuitable they are) so the move will unstettle her. I think it is this though more than FAS? From what I understand (though no experience) FAS would present with behavioural problems at a slightly older age?
So yes, continue providing lots of affection and establish a good routine as I am sure you are doing. Must be so hard though. I am sure she will settle in time.
GP appointment and health visitor support would be a good idea as soon as you can.

NormaSmuff Sat 07-Jan-17 09:51:18

gosh is it fair to the creche?

step away from the diagnosis i agree, and concentrate on coping with the behaviour. Agree with HV.

Fredmitten Sat 07-Jan-17 09:52:22

There are brilliant people with experience of FAS on the adoption boards on here, get yourself over there pdq and lots of love and luck.

MiscellaneousAssortment Sat 07-Jan-17 09:53:37

Have you taken her to a GP?

Sounds like she needs a raft of social worker, health visitor and medical care, rather than a fob off by SS and nothing more.

Do you have a nursery sorted out for the baby to go to? Or is this an existing setting the baby is already settled in? I hate to put more pressure on you, but even a settled, healthy and attached baby will need introducing to a nursery setting slowly and do settling in sessions etc. I can't imagine how distressing being left out of the blue at a nursery with presumably no expertise in FAS or generally in traumatized babies?

Oh dear, this must be a terrible situation for you. I hope you can get someone from health or social care to actually help this poor little thing sad flowers

Keeptrudging Sat 07-Jan-17 09:54:32

I would also look at attachment disorder. If both parents have serious alcohol issues it's highly likely there has been neglect/needs not being met.

MrsRyanGosling15 Sat 07-Jan-17 09:56:12

Thank you everyone, will get on to that website now. I have been involved with this family from before birth. I have always suspected FAS and alot of the facial characteristics are present. I got her health visitor out around 3 months but she didn't seem to know that much about it and just brushed me off. Mother is a long term and chronic alcoholic. She was taken of the at risk register very quickly which I was suprised at. I thought giving the history more professionals involved would have been looking out for this. To me it's glaringly obvious. If you Google pictures of it, it's like looking at her.

The parents have done a good job of keeping her under the radar. She doesn't even know how to play with toys bless her.

My mum is actually a very experienced health visitor who is also very concerned but isn't in the country this week but is going to contact a few people she used to work with for me. Im not very good with children at the best of times. It's just a bit overwhelming. And I'm also just so angry and ashamed of my family members to do this on a baby.

Disabrie22 Sat 07-Jan-17 09:56:47

How have you become the care giver? Is there someone who can help you?

NormaSmuff Sat 07-Jan-17 09:57:39

i really wouldnt worry about the diagnosis at this age, you will blinker yourself. just concentrate on the care imo

NormaSmuff Sat 07-Jan-17 09:58:20

and i think at 12 months it is far too young but I am sure someone who knows more can correct me.

P1nkP0ppy Sat 07-Jan-17 09:59:33

Is this a family member's child? I think you need to contact Children's services and get urgent support and see your GP.
You need specialist input op.

KayTee87 Sat 07-Jan-17 09:59:41

The poor soul sad I don't know anything about FAS but I agree with pp that the child shouldn't be going to day care next week. I'm sorry if that's making things impossible for you op flowers

Manumission Sat 07-Jan-17 10:01:52

So this is a kinship care situation?

Cynical of me but accurate to observe that if statutory services think they are going to be landed with extra responsibility or expense because of some kind of breakdown, they often step up.

It wouldn't hurt to make them aware that the current arrangement is fragile.

AndNowItsSeven Sat 07-Jan-17 10:02:42

Poor little one and it must be so hard for you. There is no way she can go to nursery though she needs to be with you she sounds traumatised.

MrsRyanGosling15 Sat 07-Jan-17 10:06:45

Sorry I'm missing posts out here. The creche is one that my youngest goes to. I am just back to work after 10 weeks off sick there is no way I can go off again.

My dh is in surgery all day Monday but has passed off some patients to try and lighten the load. We honeatly have no choice to put her in creche. it will be 2 days a week. Social services know this and said they had no issue with it. Social services said we were clearly a 'hard working and professional loving family' and therefore they were 'satisfied that all her needs in this time were being met' Its like they dont see the rush as they know she is safe. This baby is actually my sister. I'm so worried for her. I've never seen a baby act this way. Is the not talking/smiling could that be signs of stress at being removed? My Dh is a surgeon but has no experience with this at all and I'm a nurse but not a childrens nurse so I'm so over my head. I think we all just need good sleep and a clear head and someone to step in and take the lead on this.

Megatherium Sat 07-Jan-17 10:06:50

Are you getting your full fostering/kinship care allowance? Might that help pay for some respite care? In any event you need to contact social services urgently about setting up a full care plan. Lots of information here -

TeenAndTween Sat 07-Jan-17 10:07:39

Under 'Becoming a Parent' there are sections for both Adoption and Fostering where people will have experience of FAS. Some are also kinship carers who may be able to advise on other issues like how to make sure SS stay appropriately involved.

NormaSmuff Sat 07-Jan-17 10:11:01

has the lo always behaved like this op?

Bestthingever Sat 07-Jan-17 10:12:56

What a shocking lack of support from social services. I would also consider if the child has an attachment disorder, given the neglect from the parents. I worked with a child who had been removed at a similar age (she was 5 then) and there were a number of issues resulting from her being badly neglected. She was very challenging but her foster mum had lots of support. You also need that. You also sound like you have a lot of your hands and I wonder whether an experienced foster parent might not be better for this poor baby.

NoraDora Sat 07-Jan-17 10:16:43

OP I am assuming your mum is your adopted mum and your sister is your biological sister? What a mess for you all and you really sound d amazing for stepping up and helping this little girl.

I have no experience of FAS whatsoever but wanted to wish you well. flowers

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