How to politely tell someone to butt out of your conversation.

[MrsAzul]

In the past I have asked my partner a quick question in front of his mum. Say I'm buying something for the house and want his opinion on price. So I'll ask "is this alright?" And show him my phone. He says yes or no and that's that. His mum will ask what we were talking about and then wants to discuss it. How do I tell her I don't want to discuss something with her? Or that it's just between me and my partner without sounding rude?

[threeelephants]

"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. Dont worry. (Smile) Did you watch call the midwife?"

[Sittinonthefloor]

Well, I guess if you don't want to talk about it with her, er, don't talk about it in front of her? Or text him.

[KnittingOnEmpty]

Wait till she's not around instead of stirring her curiosity.

[MrsAzul]

I've learnt not to talk about things I don't want to discuss with her in front of her. I can't even ask him a quick question in a quiet voice without her pouncing. She doesn't live near us so when she comes, she stays over and it's not always feasible to text or wait until we've gone to bed

[catkind]

"Don't worry MIL, nothing interesting/just household stuff." With a big smile, then change the subject. If she tries to insist, "no really, it's fine, I just needed DH to look at something a moment".

Is she around a lot? I wouldn't be dealing with stuff like that when MIL or my parents were here, I'd be talking to the visitors. But maybe you see her more than we do our families?

[Justmuddlingalong]

Unless you have a serious shopping addiction that takes up a lot of your time, wait until it's just you and DP before having these conversations.

[MrsAzul]

I could be talking about dusting and it would still stir her curiosity

[ShiftyMcGifty]

Don’t be rude by having conversations in her presence and excluding her.

[BertrandRussell]

Text him. Sorted.

And “don’t whisper in company” is a rule of good manners.

[MrsAzul]

@shiftymcgifty it's not a conversation, I ask my partner something that requires yes or no and we don't discuss it further.

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

You: whisper
Her: What is it?
You: Nothing, don't worry.
Her: But I want to know! What is it?
You: I wondered if he wanted a blow job tonight.

[AdoraBell]

Agree, don’t talk about it in front of her if you don’t want an open conversation.

[NotTakenUsername]

Is she not just trying to make an effort to be included?
It’s quite rude to have a conversation with only one person in the room when there is another present.
Maybe she is just trying to join in.
Maybe she is trying to gently highlight that you are being a wee bit rude?

[OliviaStabler]

it's not a conversation, I ask my partner something that requires yes or no and we don't discuss it further.

But you are still being rude by talking on front of her and not including her. Wait to ask the question until a more appropriate time.

[MarmaladeIsMyJam]

You’re being very rude. Don’t do it.

[catkind]

LOL mybrilliant.
So you say DP have you taken the bins out, what does she say?
Is she just a talker generally? Or is it more she's struggling to find things to talk about so pounces on anything anyone else says?

[MrsAzul]

We could be in a different room (preparing dinner or something), if she hears anything we say to each other, she will come and ask what we're talking about.

[coffeeforone]

If you need to ask in front of her, then i think it’s polite to include her in the conversation. Otherwise wait until she isn’t there.

[MrsAzul]

Would it not be stranger if I asked my partner to join me in another room to ask him a question? She's not on her own when she comes over. She could be chatting away to someone and leave that convo to ask what it was I asked him

[PencilledIn]

how's she supposed to know that she's not allowed to have an opinion or verbalise it when you raised the subject in front of her?

Just nod, smile and do what you were going to do anyway.

[NotTakenUsername]

Do you engage her in conversation when she visits?

[MrsAzul]

@catkind when she stays and we're getting ready to go to bed and I quickly ask him about putting the bin out or making sure home turned something off, she will ask about it and make it into a conversation. She has expressed in the past that she felt excluded that she wasn't involved in a conversation we had when she wasn't even here about what colour paint we chose for the living room!

[MrsAzul]

@nottakenusername I do engage. She usually visits for 2-3 days at a time. We're in the middle of redecorating so it's not always feasible to wait to ask him something

[BertrandRussell]

Just say “oh, I was just asking if X had taken the bins out” stop making a drama out of it!

[MrsAzul]

She's a talker generally. Everything needs to be talked about. I could blow my nose and I would then have to listen to how she blew her nose in 1973 and with what brand of tissues and where she bought them from