For those of you who have a partner on shifts & DC how do you make it work?

[NormaSknockers]

I'm currently a SAHM, DD is 3 & DS 1. I got made redundant when DD was 1 week old but worked out ok & have been at home with the DC ever since. DD goes to nursery 2 days a week & DS is home full time, we'll look at him starting nursery once he's turned 2.

DH is talking about me going back to work, we're not broke, we're managing. Things are tighter then we would like but we manage, the bills gets paid, the mortage gets paid, the DC don't want for anything & I do a few things here & there (like selling the kids old clothes in eBay) to give me a little of my own money. In itself getting a job is not an issue although I have no idea where I would get a job but my issue is this;

DH is a PC & as such works shifts, they vary frequently & can change at a moments notice, he has unplanned overtime frequently, works weekends, evenings, early mornings etc etc. Now if/when I return to work how the heck is it going to work? I'm going to have to into an interview stating that I can only work between the hours of 9:30-2:30 (to allow for school/nursery etc) I can't work weekends or evenings & I would need every school holiday, every bank holiday & every non pupil day off including the 6 weeks summer holidays - who in their right mind is going to employ me?

I don't have other family members who could help with childcare, it would fall solely on my shoulders to sort out so if one of the DC were ill it would me who would have to take the day off work, DH wouldn't be able to do that (well he might be able to but he wouldn't) if one of the DC needed picking up again that would fall on me, doctors, dentist etc etc would all fall on me. So I'm going to have phone in & take days off on these occassions, I'm a real catch work wise aren't I

DH is not listning to me, he is not hearing what I'm saying he's saying I can go & work in Iceland or something as their rotas only work 1 week in advance (our local one does anyway as DH used to work there) but why shouldn't I be able to go work somewhere that I actually want to work? Or is that being to selfish? Should I just work wherever I can & shut up moaning? Is anyone going to employ me knowing how infelxible I am?

How do you make it work?

[Nicola10]

Unfortunately in my experience, it does not get easier as the children go to school. I have 2 ten year olds. They go to a village school where there is no before or after school club, and there is only one childminder whose books are permanently full. In the last year my husbands job has changed so that he now works anywhere in the country on any day of the week for no extra pay. His pay is not fantastic. Put it this way, we only just miss out on working family tax credits. I used to work evenings and weekends, but now cannot even do that. We also have no family to help.

I do avon to bring in extra money but this really only amounts to pin money.

Everybody's circumstances are different, and nobody can judge somebody for not working outside the home for an income.

[mustrunmore]

You're in a very similar position to me. And it really gets to me when people say that I'm deliberately finding it hard because I dont actually want to work! ds2 is in nursery another year, and it really doesnt add up to pay childcare while I work, especially if I had to pay for both of them at one end of the school day or the other. And chances are I'd have to travel a little to get to work, so would need more hours of childcare than I'd be working iyswim.
We are seriously skint, have taken out another loan on the mortgage to cover our overspend each month, but thats not going to last till next October.
Dh is on a shift pattern, so is out of the house either 5.50am-5.30pm, 11am-11pm, or sometimes 9am-8pm. He also works weekends, and gets overtime at short notice. He also has to do some nights now, so is out 3pm-7am. He cant change shifts except in a huge emergency, and then only if there's someone else on site to cover him. And he cant turn down overtime. We have no family here. And when I looked before, I couldnt find a single childminder that would do odd and varying shifts, and definitely not weekends.

I started a thread on this ages ago, and got shot down in flames and told I was making things harder than they were, and that if I needed a job I'd just get one. I'm so adament that my children wont be passed from pillar to post; we have one friend in particular whose son used to be with 4 or 5 different people during the course of one day, and he was so confused, poor thing. Routine and stability is so important, especially when children are so young. But alot of people on my old thread thought I was using that as an excuse.

[NormaSknockers]

Blue I thought about that as thought it would work really well, DH pulled the face - shall have to push a little further on that issue & find out what the face is WRT! Your name made me btw as DDs fav book is about a Blue Kangaroo!

[BlueKangerooWonders]

Instead of going out to work, could you work from home as a childminder? It won't pay much, but you'll always be available for your dc when your dh can't be.

[NormaSknockers]

sleepy - I've never ever once said that I don't think I'm lucky. I know exactly how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my DC & I would never take for that granted. I am incredibly lucky to have been at home for this long & know full well it's solely down to DH working all the hours that he does & keeping us afloat on his own.

We're going through a blib as DH has been moved to a different role which means he doesn't have any O/T at all available to him which means things have gotten so tight we can barely breath so this was posted in a panic moment as I thought 'oh crap. I need to help us out of this but how?' so wondered how on Earth others managed it! My DC are 3 & 1 and far to young for holiday clubs, I haven't worked in over 3 years since my company closed down & I was in that job 5 years almost straight out of collage so the propect of starting a new job is daunting enough without trying to figure out I'm going to have my children cared for.

Fortunately it's looking like if DH hangs tight for a while we'll be ok but I will still be looking for work once DS starts nursery so I'm still going to have the childcare issues & just wanted to know how other families in this situation got around it. I think I'm going to go for a supermarket check out job as the one local to us works on a weekly rosta so I should be able to work around DHs shifts, it's a far cry from my previous job but needs must & they'll be flexible enough (hopefully) for my needs.

Mithered - yes he's entitled to parental leave but he's only able to do that if it's a job he can leave in the middle of. He can't be half way through an arrest, or giving evidence at court & say sorry I have to go now. He's a response driver so is very often on the road so it would be near impossible to rely on him to collect one of the DC if they were ill. I would love to turn the card making into a business but it just wouldn't work, I wouldn't make enough profit so will keep that as a hobby

[littleducks]

I know the feeling, dh is currently working shifts between the hours of 7am and 7pm which vary on a six week rotation, but due to traffic when he is working more 'normal' times he spends much longer going to and from work.

I am a SAHM atm and have been for the past 4yrs, i want to go back to uni in sept but when looking at timetables etc i just cant see where i would send them (again no friends and family) i really dont want them shifted from pillar to post

I am starting to think that when you start researching childcare and start actually doing it that you learn how to juggle it all and it isnt as daunting as it seems (or heres to hope at least)

[sleepychunky]

I work full time and DH is a security guard at the airport, working very random shift patterns (he's on nights at the moment but then has 7 days off before the next 4 nights). We know his shift patterns 6 months in advance and DS goes to a childminder 2 days a week regardless of whether or not DH is working. The other days if DH and I are both working we are lucky enough to have family who can help out, although that's gone to pot a bit recently and I've had to use annual leave on some days.
If you really need to work then you find a way of making it work (we both need the fulltime salaries), but given the choice I don't think either of us would work full time.
When I go back to work after mat leave it's going to be a lot more difficult as we'll have 2 children to pay for, plus our lovely childminder is retiring and DS1 will be starting at pre-school, so it won't be whole-day care and we'll need to look at how that works. Can't think about that yet though!
I think you're lucky in that you don't have to go to work to pay the bills, but I understand your frustration at not necessarily being able to do a job you actually want to do. I see it as one of the sacrifices you have to make when you have kids though, and in a couple of years' time it will be easier and there will be a lot more flexibility in terms of what you can do.

[SquIDGEyeyeballs]

I work 16-22 hours a week, spread between 0815 and 1745 Monday to Friday.

My DH not only does mad hours but is away for weeks/months on end (he's in the military). We have no family to help out.

We manage because DD2 is at school and goes to breakfast club if I'm on a morning shift (ie starting at 0815) and is picked up by a CM if I work an afternoon shift (ie finishing at 1745). DD3 is in nursery which is open 0745-1800.

I think it boils down to whether you really want to work (or really need to). If you want/need to work then you make it feasible. If you don't really want to go out to work then you look for barriers.

[shinyshoes]

My DP works shifts, 36 hour week.

I have to fit my 19.5 contracted hours around his shifts.

His shifts vary week to week and consist of 3 shift patterns over a 20 week rolling rota.

7.am-3pm
3.pm-11.pm
11.pm-7.am

Its a bit of a PITA but we manage, I work around him I have too.

Luckily i've been with the company 7 years and am flexi working time so I tell THEM wwhat days and hours i'm available.

unless you have a good support network in the way of childcare or flexi working hours you'd find it a struggle.

I also enjoy my job which helps.

[sausagesupper]

have you investigated tax credits to pay towards child care costs? worked for us, paid most of it, worth a look?

[Mithered]

Can I just say that as a PC he is actually entitled to parental leave as well so if a child was ill he could finish work early.It depends on how much you and he want to make it work.

Good luck with the cards though - probably the best option for you and something that you really want to do

[NormaSknockers]

Thanks Brams

[Bramshott]

Wow Norma - your cards are fantastic!!

[NormaSknockers]

IControl - oh yes, The Phonecall. I always plan my days with the fact that DH isn't going to knock off on time that way if he does (ha ha) it's a welcome suprise. Same here DH has loads of TOIL, about 2 weeks worth, all stored up that he just isn't able to take plus they've just been told that the O/T pot is empty so not to do any O/T - like that's possible!! He's a response officer too, that dreaded arrest 5 mins before the end of shift is just awful isn't it? His shift is currently 7 on 2 off which is pretty much how his has been since he started tbh!

murder - I do mamke cards (check my profile) but that's as a hobby, I toyed with the idea of making it a business but I don't think I would ever make enough to make it worthwhile IYSWIM? The plan had been for me to some courses once DS was in nursery as I wanted to get into freelance photography (I know that's unlikely to take off right away so was more then happy to start from the very bottom) but I don't know if that's going to be doable or not. I think I'm going to look in lots of different options & see what will work best - I'm still hoping a dinner lady vacancy will come up at the school!!

[murderonthemidnightexpress]

Could you do something where you work from home/make your own hours? Our DCs are in nursery 3 mornings a week. My DP is a contractor, so he has periods working f/t and periods not working at all. ATM he's working away from home. I work freelance, so I can take on more work when he's not working, going up to f/t hours, and can reduce them when he's not working. There are occasional problems at overlap times because I may have committed to something, and he generally needs to start a new contract pretty promptly, but generally speaking it all works out OK. If you could find something freelance like that you might find it could fit in around your childcare arrangements.

However, atm when not working f/t I am pretty much working to pay for the childcare. However, I need to stay in touch with the industry until the DCs are at school so that I can get back to more f/t work at a later date. You may have to look at things like that.

[IControlSandwichMonkey]

Our force has cottoned on to the fact that the shifts were unworkable and have tried new ones since April. DH has done tolerably out of them but response officers are working ridiculous shifts, worse than the old 4 on 4 off system. I know of a few officers that have had childcare issues as a result.

DH never finishes on time. Every day I await The Phonecall. You know, the I've arrested somebody with 5 minutes until the end of shift and I'll be home in about 5 hours. No overtime either so they get TOIL that they can't take. DH has about 48hrs of TOIL sitting there laughing at us. Funny old job.

[NormaSknockers]

Thanks all, at the moment it just seems impossible! Any money I make is going to be spent on childcare costs/travelling or a 2nd car so I can't see how we're going to be any better off!

I have tbh & say I really don't like the idea of having to cart the DC to holiday clubs, that's just me but I'm guessing I'm going to have no other option but I really am against that idea.

IControl I can count on one hand the amount
of times DH has knocked off on time Never thought of looking for a CM through the force though will look into that!

[Bramshott]

What do you want to do? Plenty of jobs don't involve evening or weekend work, and if you can work within school / after school club hours in term time, you can usually find a childminder or playscheme for the holidays. A specific job is usually much easier to get your head round than "a job" in the abstract.

Or you could look at working for yourself - Usborne Books / Avon type thing, or start your own business.

I'm sure you're not alone in being the only one whose job and hours are expected to fit around family life while your DH carries on as normal !

[SweetNiblets]

Hi,

My DH works 12 hour shifts. 2 day shifts, 2 night shifts and then 4 days off (although the first day is usually spent with him sleeping). As it is a rolling 8 day pattern his days are never the same from one week to the next. He also has fixed holidays and has about 2 flexi days each year.

I have been a SAHM since DS was born, as the cost of childcare, second car etc outweighed what I could have earnt. DS started school in September and I am now actively seeking work but I am looking for school hours as I don't know what to do about school holidays. DH will look after the DCs 3 days out of 8 but unfortunately childminders want retainer fees for those 3 days.

We seem to be in a no win situation.

[IControlSandwichMonkey]

My dh is a pc also and I am a SAHM. I was originally going back to work and I know from research then that there are childminders that work for police staff and advertise on their noticeboard so are more flexible in terms of understanding the nature of the job. That's just our force service though.

Has your dh btw ever, ever got off work on time?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

You either get a job where your hours are fixed. So certain days/shifts and get childcare to cover those times.

Or you find a CM who is flexible and only charges you for the hours you use, ratherthan insisting you pay 8-6 5 days a week even if you only work 16 hours a week. They do exist, I have a lovely CM who is fine with me using her for different days every week.

I work random shifts, DH has a 9-5 job and with a CM its fine.

[hercules1]

WHat FallenMadonna said. It's what most people do.

[NormaSknockers]

can't plan overtime