How much maternity leave for for working (full-time) mums?

[uwila]

I am currently sturggling with the reality that I can not financially afford to take as much leave as I would have liked. It seems that everyone around me manages to take so much more. So, I just wondered for full-time career dedicated mums, how much time did others take? I am currently planning to take only what my company provides as paid leave (six weeks) plus another two weeks (maybe three) as holiday. This seems rediculously short to me. But, the truth is I can not possibly afford to go without even a couple of weeks of pay.

So, if you work full time in a career that you are dedicated to, how much time off did you take? And, how much was paid (at a minimum of 80% of your salary) time off?

[LadyPenelope]

Hi uwila
Didn't see this thread earlier. I'm in similar circumstances to you although for different reasons. I'm currently breadwinner in family and we live overseas so the maximum maternity leave in my company is 12 weeks, although it is on full pay. I took 14 weeks with my dd, and I am now 39w + 3d, and still working so that I will get to spend maximum time with baby #2 decides to make appearance.
I really sympathise with you. Even 12 weeks is a very short time, but as you know from the first time around it is managable ... especially if you know there is no altenative. Doesn't stop me envying friends who have longer... 6 months would be my ideal.
Hardest thing for me at the mo is keeping going at work until the end. I'm so exhausted. Much more than last time. I've now pursuaded boss that I can work from home this week, but if baby is late (and in all liklihood doc thinks it will be), then I'm not sure I can continue to work from home next week. We'll see. Good luck with finding a new nanny, but think you've made a good decision and hope the 4 day week works out. I worked 4 days for about 6 months in my last job and loved it. Sadly not practical in current job

[uwila]

Hi everyone,
I just wante to say thanks for your advice and support. And laso I wanted to say that situation has changed a bit. Nanny and I had a little dispute last week. It seems she feels it is her place to choose what DD eats and she also wishes to choose DD's outfits each day. I sort of reluctantly agreed to the food thing, but I'm not budging on the clothes. I think this all boils down to the fact that she is over qualified for the nanny postion for which she was hired. She has a degree in health/nutrition and wants to exercise her knowledge. So she is not happy when I tell her how/what to feed to DD.

In the end, I have decided that I am not willing to allow my employee to tell me how she she is going to feed/dress MY child. I even offered that could have more control over the choice of diet if she would write down for me each day what she feeds to DD. And she replied "Why can't you write it down. I will tell you." This response seems to me to be rather inappropriate for someone who works for me.

Anyway, I have decided to let nanny go when I begin my maternity leave, and not having her on the payroll will allow me one more month of maternity leave. So, that brings me to 3 months (12 weeks to be precise). And I can settle for that without being too terribly distraught about it. I'll have a nice summer with my kids. I missed this with DD because I returned to work shockingly fast. So I am looking forward to spending the summer with her too.

Thanks again!

[uwila]

Sorry, forgot to say that I'm due 29 May. My plan is to work until 22 May... hopefully.

[uwila]

Sinclair, I do have a some gripes about my nanny. But, I think there are a lot worse out there. I trust the safety of my children with her. And, with such a young one, at least I know who she is. If I were to replace her, I would be starting all over with who knows what. My biggest gripe is just that she doesn't inform me much -- it isn't that I actually think she does a bad job. However, there is going to be a contract review and a change in duties for her. If she refuses again to write down the day's food intake then I may say good-bye. But I will let that be her choice not mine. Also whe does some light housework that will be removed from her scope with the arrival of a second child, so perhaps she will be happy to accommodate.

Annh, it's actaully not that big of a difference on my day. In order to work 10 hour days, I might have to add half an hour to each day Mon. - Thurs. And while that is precious time to be taken away, I get a whole day to spend with them in return. That's trading 2 hours for an entire day. Good trade for me. Also, nanny has expressed reluctance to go to activitie with two of them. So I was thinking that I'll sign DD up fpr agymnastics class I've been wanting to get her into and I'll take them... just to show her it can be done.

[annh]

But fitting 40 hours into 4 days a week is not going to reduce nanny costs if she is increasing the length of her days accordingly to accommodate this? Also, as your days are quite lengthy already, would you be able to see your children at all on those 4 days? It's a real pickle but I'm sure the collective wisdom of mumsnet must come up with some solution!

[sinclair]

Hmm. I know from other threads that you have niggles with your nanny - if you get your 4 day week that could be another reason to find a replacement. IME lots of nannies are interested in 4 days. And then if that saves you money so you don't need to go back till baby is 3 months all the better for you too. What is your timescale Uwila - when are you due?

[miranda2]

Can recommend the 4 day week! I work full time, but because i work Sunday i get a day off midweek (i take Friday), so ds is only in nursery 4 days as dh can look after him on Sunday. It seems a really good balance. Hope they go for it!

[uwila]

Thanks, Sinclair. I had actually considered and then discarded the thought of letting her go. I decided not to because I'm not comfortable with leaving a 2-3 month old baby in the unsupervised care of someone I don't know at all. And, DD really likes this nanny too. I'm not sure I would want to yank her away. (although she also loved the childminder and quickly forgot her when we got a nanny). I am now, however, reconsidering it because it would buy me an extra month of leave.

I guess the problem can be reduced to keep existing nanny or get another month off. I like this nanny. She is good with DD in terms of nutrition and education. But, I also have some problems convincing her that she works for me. I have trouble getting her to inform me of what DD eats, what they do in the day, etc.

I have also just put in a flexible working request to work my 40 hours per week in 4 days when I return, hence giving me a full time pay cheque but allowing me every Friday to spend with my children. This would also allow me to pay the nanny for 4 days instead of 5, which would help the finances a little bit.

[sinclair]

Poor you Uwila you are between a rock and a hard place. Could you bear to lose your nanny and find a new one 3 months later to save some cash? If you could see your way clear to taking 3/4 months I think you would reap the benefits when you do go back IYSWIM. My other idea is to go back at 8/10 weeks but do 2/3 days to start with- it's a cut in income but poss not as much as you think cos of how tax works. But be warned the 3 day week is highly addictive

[uwila]

Mean to say that even in an ideal financial situation I would not take more than 6 months off anyway.

[uwila]

Unfortunately, I was fool enough to bow to the powers of persuation and sign my name on some of the loans. About 70% of the debt is in his name, but so is about 60% of the income. So, even if I refused to take part in this bail out plan (which is going to amount to a Debt Management plan -- so it could actually be worse), it would still balance out when they split the household expenses and debts and so on.

Afraid I'm just going to have to accept this as it is. But, what I can do is stop agreeing to bad decisions. We just had another little dispute tonight on whether payoff a credit card that is in my name only. I stood my ground and it will be paid so that we can keep it. (when you file for debt management you have to give up every credit card on which you owe money)

Anyway, back to the original topic. I am considering just saying stuff it and taking another month or two off. I'm really not asking for the moon. I could be happy with 4 months off of work. And even in an ideal financial situation I think I would take more than 6 anyway. Ho hum.... Thanks everyone for your advice and support. Much appreciated.

[Nemo1977]

hi
i took 10 weeks leave when i had my ds due to money constraints etc as my dh was finishing writing up his phd at the time. Was a nightmare as i got 90% for 6 weeks then 100 a week there after. Not far when I was picking up 1700 a month.
was stupid to go back so early was ds was 8 wks old and i didnt finish work until 39.5 wks. Try and take as long as possible even if it means you are skint for a while
good luck

[serenequeen]

uwila, i'm very sorry to read about your situation. i think it is such a shame. i urge you to do anything you can to take longer off - agree with those who have said make it your dh's problem. i know these things are far easier said than done, but i really hope you can get something worked out. good luck.

[tribpot]

Uwila, I don't think the fact you're married makes a difference as much as the fact you have joint loans (which makes you jointly liable). Bit of a minor distinction possibly! But if the debt were all in his name your credit rating would be unaffected.

I hope you do discuss this with dh, I really don't see why you should have to give up on this special experience if you don't want to. Obviously we're all having to make compromises between what we'd like ideally and what we can afford but yours seems less of a compromise and more of a complete shafting, excuse my French!

[Blu]

tbh Uwila, that is something I think you should consider (making it his respnsibility).
I took 3 months off on full pay, then went back half-time, still on full pay, for one month, then was back f/t. In advance, I thought this would be LOADS (and I wasn't a MN user then, so knew no better!).
Going back when DS was 3 months was awful, and I think contributed to depression which set in insidiously over the next year or so. I was just so tired and busy and innundated all the time. And DS was still waking more than once or twice during the night.
Release some equity in the mortgage?
Don't think you will be eligible for the new tax-free childcare voucher scheme that comes in, will you?
Get DH to flog a load of his rashly bought posessions on e bay?
Sorry, can't think of a serious suggestion - put it in DP's court!

[uwila]

Thanks, Kaz. Yes, the situation sounds very familiar. Except I am guessing that as you say DP you guys are not married and therefore his negligence won't pull down your credit as well.

Well, no more spending. I just have to be strong and say "no". If I don't, then that is my fault.

I am now seriously considering telling him that I am taking more maernity leave, and he can sort out how that impact his budget respobsibilities.

[Kaz33]

Uwila, my DP sounds very similar to yours - he has no idea of what our incomings and outgoings are and always spent to the limit and beyond. We have had substantial three figure income over the last three years but managed to save zero. I have had the row about money with him so many times, we have put in place budgets which he then immediately ignores. I can't take away his credit cards as he travels a lot with work.

BUT, he has got better - I got voluntarily redundancy from work and am now at home with the kids which has slashed our income but also our outgoings as we no longer have a nanny. For him being made to take on the responsibility of the sole bread winner has focused his mind and now he has slashed his spending and started to concentrate on earning more money

[sweetkitty]

I went on 2 weeks holiday prior to starting maternity leave though DD was boen during these 2 weeks so I wasn't even on official maternity leave. Anyway I got full pay for 6 weeks (the months they worked it out on also included my bonus so it was more than normal) then I got 90% for 8 weeks then SMP for the remaining 12 weeks. This month is the first month I have had nothing so to speak.

I was planning to go back after 6 months but we are relocating back to Scotland now so I'm planning to resign at the end of my 12 months. Also the company have had another reshuffle and I actually don't have a job to go back to! I would have to reapply and go through an interview process, fingers crossed they don't have any jobs for me then I will be made redundant.

I saved every penny from when I found out I was pregnant and then all my child benefit/tax credits which has given us a bit of breathing space coupled with no travelling expenses and not wasting money on lunches etc at work. I used to spend spend spend and am actually quite proud of how little I'm spending now. Things are going to get a whole lot tighter though as now I only have child benefit/tax credits, with only DP's salary we won't be able to make ends meet in this house although once we downsize and move it should get a bit better.

Uwila maybe by being really tight with money between now and when you need to go back you could stretch out your leave. What about a remortgage offering a payment holiday or reduced payments, maybe only pay the interest for 2 years, look at your outgoings and see where you can trim spending. Good luck x

[uwila]

Bozza, your assesment of my DH is accurate. He is better than he used to be. And, he thinks he does all the housework. He does do some. But, if I added up the childcare and housework and who does what I would rate it at about 75/25 split (you can guess who gets which number). I should probably add that he has improved a great deal over the last few years. But, I tink I'm just plain fed up with it. And I am bloody pissed off at the lack of maternity leave. I have half a mind (today anyway, tomorrow may be different) to just take 4-6 months off. The consequeces would be 1- we would default on our loans (but still manage to pay rent and utilities) and 2- I would have to let our nanny go. :-(

The good thing is that I would get to spend some time with new baby and DD (2 years old), and I could get back into shape and lose weight before I return to work. Ohhh... it's tempting. As for what DH would think of this, he probably wouldn't like it. I don't think he regards our situation as his fault. And, to be fair, I played a part in allowing myself to be persuaded to sign for loans and such. But, one time he even took out a loan in my name, signed for it, and told me later... Ooooohhhhhh does that make me mad now. I look back and think, why the Hell did I let him do that?

My DH believes wholeheartedly in Jam today. When he wants something he wants it really badly and he must have it now. Later never comes into the equation. Well, it's later now.

[lisalisa]

Message withdrawn

[miranda2]

Haven't read whole thread, so apologies if I'm repeating. I didnt' get any paid leave last time as I was a student; we used all our savings paying for nursery so I could continue studying, worst of all worlds in some ways, but it did mean I kept on track and am now employed! This time my employers have just (!) implemented a maternity leave policy, so I will get 22 weeks on full pay - I'm taking 6 months by adding on some holiday. Don't forget you continue to accrue your normal annual holiday allowance during maternity leave, so can add this on.
Someone near the beginning of the thread said they had to take 5 months off (unpaid) due to caesarean complications, which made me think - what about sick pay? I would assume that if you go back at 6 weeks, it would be relatively likely that after a week or so you could get a doctor to sign you off sick for a further period - would this be on full pay??? If so it may be worth doing!

[elliott]

no worries MI, you weren't being crass! I just hate admitting defeat about anything and perhaps my bitterness still shows - and I did try sooo hard!! Anyway I did keep up some bf till 9 months which was just fine for us both.

[tribpot]

Thanks for the advice MotherInferior - and Elliott, thanks also for the reminder that expressing isn't possible for all. I'll have to play it by ear I think.

[motherinferior]

Elliott, I apologise, that was a crass way of me to put it. Some women can express and I happen to be one of them; and I had no option about returning to work because I had to fund all my time off myself (financial lack of brilliance on DP's part meant yes, all myself). But I completely agree, and didn't mean to sound as smug as I did.

[Bozza]

Agree that I would be unhappy with your husband Uwila. It does seem (through having read quite a few of your posts) that he doesn't take much responsibility for your DD/family life. Although I may be wrong here because that is just a general impression I've got. What does he think about you having such a short leave?