Will I Upset My Nursery If I complain??

[Madie]

DD is 2.5 years now and going to her nursery for 3 full days a week. She seems to be happy enough there but I want to raise a few concerns with my nursery - but I am afraid of how to put it as I don't want the workers to get annoyed, as I can't help thinking they might treat my daughter differently.

The main problem stems from my nursery not giving any information on my daughter each day. Eg I would like to know how she has ate, slept, played, what she has played with etc etc. I notice that when other mums pick up their kids they never seem to ask. I sometimes feel that if I ask about anything that some of the workers seem to get irritated.

I don't know how to tackle this so any advice would be appreciated. I have tried not to ask at all but the way I am I just HAVE to know how she has been.

Thanks ...

At our nursery they give you a sheet each day with details of nappy contents, activities, sleep times etc, but I still ask what they have done and what food they have had to eat - so don't think you are alone in asking/wanting to ask.

Perhaps you could speak to the senior nursery nurse in dds room, and say could they tell you each day what she has done, as you don't like to keep asking all the time.

I have found that the staff seem to know which parents want to know more, but IME you do have to ask them - they don't just tell you automatically !

This is not going to help you at all. Sorry. But when people started making complaints at our nursery they received letters telling them that if they continued to "upset" the staff their children's places would be withdrawn. I saw one of the "incidents" that was supposed to have upset the staff - it was a perfectly polite parent asking about staff ratios in the classroom. Unfortunately none of us had the get up and go to...get up and go. Nursery places in our area are like hen's teeth and the management have us over a barrel. We generally like the nursery, so we have learnt to keep quiet about the little things that we might not agree with. As I said - no help to you at all. Sorry.

Madie, I am like you, and when I raised it, they started a notebook just for my ds. I take it home every evening and bring it back in the morning, and his keyworker writes in it every day. I pay a hell of a lot for nursery, and sacrifice other things I might buy, and I deserve to know these details of his day, eg exactly what he ate, and exactly how long his nap was, even if other parents are not interested. It also helps with discipline, when your child knows that Mummy will know exactly what he has been up to, and you can give him praise or discuss bad behaviour.

Got no advice to add really ... just want to say that I think you have a right to know what's been going on each day. I get a sheet every day for dd saying what she ate, what time she slept, how many dirty nappies she had and what activities she has taken part in. I always get told whether she has been good/happy/naughty/grumpy or whatever and this is very important to me.
Have you tried asking other parents if they feel the same way? Maybe if you find someone who is like-minded, you could tackle the staff together?
Good luck ....

feedback is an important part of any childcare and any good nursery will recognise that - and it works both ways eg parents should inform the staff if there are any changes which might affect their child's behaviour eg new baby, moving from cot to bed or just a bad night's sleep. some of the information at our nursery is on the walls for all to see eg menus, planned activities, but we still get feedback. this changes over time though eg in the baby room you'd be more interested in poos etc whereas in a 2 yr old you'd probably only want to know if they hadn't been! Pickup time is often very hectic for everyone and only the basics get passed on - so maybe you could request a more formal feedback session if there isn't already one in place, where you'll be told about some of the milestones and whether your child has reached them. this can help with eg reading, type of toys you use at home and planning days out with topics they might be looking at in the nursery.
Janinlondon, I'm shocked at what you've said and feel sad that you're all over a barrel. who runs your nursery? maybe they prefer a more formal approach than directly through the childcare workers (who are pretty low-paid and usually have no say in the running of the place).

I'm quite surprised your nursery doesn't already have some kind of information exchange mechanism as this is a requirement under Ofsted (do they take 3 & 4 year olds?). If they haven't already had an Ofsted check, it'll be coming quite soon.

While Ofsted isn't prescriptive in what they demand, they suggest:
regular discussions
maintaining and sharing daily records
displaying posters or notices
using the key person system
the use of a suggestion and concerns box and questionnaires
open events

And I have seen reports (when I was checking reports prior to finding a nursery for dd) where they insisted daily records were instigated.

I'm not suggesting you bring Ofsted up as this might annoy them but the senior staff should know that this is something expected from their profession.

Janinlondon - have you thought about complaining to Ofsted? I imagine they would be happy for the complaint to be documented as anonymous.

I probably shouldn't start to rant here; but I was annoyed over lots of little changes and when I raised these was told 'that's the way it is'. This is why despite fighting to get a place for DS I am now removing him. Like you, I did not want to kick up a big fuss incase he might be treated differently for having an 'embarrassing' mum. I just bit the bullet, of course, I can do this for a few months as I'm off work. All I can offer is my sympathies and encourage you to ask what you want to know. Some of the carers are of course better than others, perhaps you could strike up a closer relationship with one of these.

We should not be intimated for wanting to know what our children are up to for most of their waking hours while away from us.

Funnily enough they did have an OFSTED inspection a couple of months ago. The nursery asked for feedback then from the parents as part of this OFSTED inspection. In that, I actually suggested a daily or weekly record for each child (I didn't realise OFSTED recommend one). One of the nursery staff then phoned me to discuss it but I can't remember what they said about why they don't give daily reports.

Although I have resorted to asking everyday how dd is (I agree we shouldn't feel intimitaded) - I guess I felt self conscious as I realised I seem to be the only Mum asking about her day everyday! Also i ahve noticed that acouple of staff genuinely don't seem to mind being asked - whilst the rest unfortunately seem to be a little irritated.

I know exactly where you're coming from Madie - I'm the same too ! My dd has recently gone from having daily sheets to weekly sheets - and I really miss the detail ! She's also gone from having a sleep to having a "rest" which I wasn't very happy about as I feel she still needs a sleep, but they said she wouldn't go to sleep anymore !

Anyway - I also quiz them every day about eating, sleeping and toileting and like you have sometimes been treated as though I'm making a fuss and being overly protective - dd is only 28 months though !

I've also found annoyingly that they sometimes get it wrong these days - for example they'll say she's had no accidents today - then I'll find a bag of wet clothes on her hook ! It's just a bit annoying really - but I guess they feel she's growing up and away from the need for such detail ! (I don't though)

Finally - sorry I can woffle for England - I also see other mums who drop off at 8am and pick up at 6pm who don't even speak to the staff - just pick their child up, sign them out and get in the car - maybe they're just more confident about judging what's gone on from the way their child is ? I don't know - I couldn't do it that way myself.

I totally agree about the little fibs. Just to get you off their back, they'll say anything. Went in last week to find he had no nappy on (OOh, probably taken it off himself, big boy etc!!) only to find the damn thing was around his ankles because it had been put on so loosely. He had probably been like that for 3 HOURS!!
Am Getting worked up now and I'm due to pick him up anytime now and don't want to look too cross.

Just to add my 2p here, I really think nurseries should let you know what your child has been doing all day. Absolutely. It's part of their job, surely? Ds was at a Jigsaw nursery for a while and they provided a daily sheet/chart thing for parents information. I do reckon some of it was made up though, I have to say! Nurseries aren't cheap and parents have every right to ask questions, make suggestions etc - there's no way carers should treat any child differently just because that particular parent cares and is interested in what happened while they weren't there. Staff are religious about filling in accident books (or at least, they should be) so why not the same for a tick list of what's happened? And for what most nurseries charge I would think 5 minutes at the end of the day for a chat is completely justifiable as included in the cost.

When ds was under 2 we had a daily sheet sent home. Now over 2, we don't. However the staff are very informative when you pick him up and are happy to answer any questions you have. They also have a board for sleep times so you can check the length of sleep if any. They also hold open evenings for parents to discuss child's development etc.

Madie, I am sorry to hear of your problems with nursery giving you feedback on your dd's day. Our nursery is excellent, good OFSTED inspection recently, low staff turnover, used as an example by the Borough's Early Years Centre, etc, but their achilles heel has always been daily written reports. We've never had them.
I got round this by always making sure I see his keyworker every day and having a brief word with her. We do find that some staff like to convey the impression that we are fusspots if we ask too many questions, but I've always put that down to a mild personality clash with the (otherwise excellent) nursery nurse in question.
I think you are doing the right thing in politely persisting, and like you, I'm astonished at how little interest some of the other parents seem to have in what happened during the day. We are definitely the only pre-school parents who bother.
I think your dd's keyworker is a good place to start. Because written records are being kept of your dd's progress and that person will be compiling them.

Our nursery has little slips the staff fill in for each child saying what they ate, when they slept, No. & type of nappy changes etc, they also write on the back some info on ds's day - how he's been, what he's been doing. This saves long explainations when the staff are busy handing over children to parents, and allows you to better predict the child's needs in the evening.
Perhaps you could write to the nursery manager suggesting such a system to save staff's time at handover and help the parents. If they're any good they shouldn't be annoyed at a constructive suggestion.

Maybe I'm an old cynic, but when I took a sneaky peek at the day reports for some other children and compared it with my daughter's on the same day, they could have been photocopied! For months I had been thinking how sweet it was to hear that she had "chased so and so" around the garden or that she had "a special friend in X". What a dunce I was!LOL I should add that it was a different nursery from the one she's at now. (We have TRIED to get it right!! LOL)

I am quite shocked to read some of these stories. My nursery gives us the daily sheet and the staff are only too happy to tell me in detail about dd's day. The staff seem keen to discuss how all the kids are getting on, (just as I find it useful to discuss my projects with my clients, everyone needs feedback and to know they aren't working in a vacuum.) It must be demoralising for nursery staff to think parents aren't even interested in how well their little angels are being looked after. My dd's key worker takes palpable pride in telling me about dd's little achievements, new words etc. Equally she and I can share any worries or concerns about dd. This all makes me realise that no nursery is perfect, but that mine isn't at all bad.

My nursery also gives me a daily sheet - details of each meal such as what they had & how much (all/half/none); time of wet nappies & dirty nappies; time of sleep; what toys they've played with (I take this bit with a pinch of salt!). But I do think it's very important to know what's happened in the day.
We also have annual 'parent's evenings' where you meet with their key worker for a chat, & see a scrapbook which each child has right from when they started nursery, with all of their achievements & some of their paintings etc in it!
I agree that it's often hard to complain, but I have plucked up the courage to do so on a couple of occasions now, and have got a result from it.

Funnily enough yesterday when picking dd I was notified that there was going to be a parent's evening in 2 weeks time so I'll definately bring up wanting to know about dd's activities then.

DD's key worker unfortunately though - we have a personaility clash. She hates telling me anything - I think it stems from a few months ago I complained when I picked up my daughter and found she had been left in a dirty nappy and consequently had got a painful sore bottom. I end up asking another girl who is the head of DD's room and she is forthcoming in her information. I figured well - if they won't give written reports then they shouldn't object to being asked as if they didn't want to be botehred with parents asking they should provide a report.

I'm reluctant to move DD out of the nursery for this only reason esp as DD does seem to be happy. Also I feel if I was to move her she'd invariably get upset with the change.

When I was discussing it with my Mum she said 30yrs ago when she used to send my sis and I to a nursery the nursery staff used to actually forbid Mums from asking - saying that as the child was in their care they would do what was necessary and there was no need to worry. They even wouldn't allow parents to pick their children up early unless they were phoned ahead !!

So I guess in this sense nurseries have changed for the better. But considering this - I still feel the need to know (even though some parents obviously don't seem to mind)

I don't think it's at all unreasonable to ask for daily info. dd gets a daily sheet for nappies, food, sleep etc, and there is one posted on the door of her room with details of what the whole room has done that day. DD also got a "school report" the other day- she's 9 months! The girls have no problem talking - When I picked dd up today i spent about 20 mins talking to them whilst dd decided whether to let me put her coat on or not, and tehy are all really nice and friendly. Having said that, I think our relationship might be helped by the fact that they reularly receive the spoils of my weekend baking sessions

The creche that dd goes to provides a sheet each day with drinks/food eaten, nappy changes and sleep times. If it is busy at pick-up I don't find out anything else but if its quiet and I manage to chat to one of the girls I usually have a specific 'leading' question in my mind to ask. I've noticed when dh picks up he doesn't ask anything and they don't volunteer it either. Every week I try to ask 2 or 3 questions like...is she using the soother much these days...or does she play with the other kids much or keep to herself....or does she cry much / is she easy to put to sleep etc. I find that asking one of these questions usually leads to them chatting about her a bit and I love that. Its lucky to get 2 or 3 chats a week though.
I too would find it hard to complain. I hate confrontation and I also wouldn't want them to not like dd as much beacause of it. I did have a time when for 3 or 4 days in a row dd had a dirty nappy when I collected her and consequently a very sore bum. I was pretty annoyed at this but resisted 'complaining' as such. Instead I tried putting it to them as a problem I wanted help in solving. I asked them to keep an eye on her nappies as she gets red v. easily, I brought in extra nappy rash cream etc. It took a few days of saying it to work but by day 3 they were checking her every hour and writing it on her chart (in fact I think one day they misunderstood and changed her nappy every hour !). But I didn't use an accusing tone like 'You left her in a dirty nappy that caused this' but rather asked for their advice 'gosh, she really gets red easily - what do you suggest ? Would it be too much trouble to have a quick check every hour...'.

In your situation you could try something like saying 'she doesn't eat/sleep that well in the evnings so i'd like to moniter her sleep/eating a bit more - would you be able to write it down for me'. You would be asking them to help out without being too confrontational. Or, as you said raise it at parents evening - but again, in a manner that doesn't alienate.

Thats all I an suggest but I do feel for you - I feel the same. If I see something small I usually say nothing (like chocolate sandwiches which I wouldn't give her but I turn a blind eye!) - its just if it really matters to me I will try and deal with it. Choose your battles and try to turn them onto a non-battle!
HTH.

Just read this thread and I'm horrified. Ds1 used to go to a big chain nursery where the staff didn't give a monkey's basically. There were a few pretty bad incidents and I didn't complain (one of their incidents was to tell him off for eating chicken nuggets and chips with his fingers- he was 22 months old- and dyspraxic- at three and a half he still can't use a fork- anyway since that day he's refused point blank to eat meat - or chips come to that- and he sobbed all the way home- and I still didn't complain - must have been mad). Anyway I kept him out of nursery until just under a year ago. We moved, one was recommended. And the difference- it is staggering. We get a book every day saying what he's done. I can phone/email whenever I want. I can talk to the staff when dropping him off (although often this is a bit of a chaotic time so would usually phone if I had a problem). My opinion is requested. They've had a couple of problems with ds1 and mealtimes recently and the way forward was discussed. I get told if he's had a huge tantrum. and why. I trust these people absolutely with him. The mananger has had me sobbing on her shoulder twice (ds1 has special needs and sometimes things get too much)- when she's stopped what she was doing and spent time with me and talking to me. She's backed up my battles with the LEA- she's chased up speech therapists the lot. I guess what I'm saying is don't assume there may not be a better place for your children. Ask around - you shouldn't have to feel guilty when asking for informaiton about your child- and you shouldn't have to play games to get that info. There are brilliant places out there.

DD just started nursery two mornings a week. In the beginning she cried and tried to cling on to me, but now she seems to look forward to going there. But from the start I found a few things rather odd: i.e. I have not yet (in over a month) seen any child in her group smile or laugh! They all look "neutral" if not bored... As I haven't returned to work yet, the main point of her going to nursery is to play with other children and enjoy herself and be taught through play by professionals with childcare qualifications; but somehow those professionals don't come across as very bothered about the children they are looking after... I too feel I have to know what dd did on those two mornings a week and what she ate and whether she filled her nappy etc. So far they have always answered my questions, even though they don't come across as very keen.
As far a complaining goes, I had to do that after just one month: last week I collected dd from the nursery, changed her nappy on return home, because she needed a bath after having more lunch on her than in her! The nappy had been put on very tight! And that was so tight that she had deep red marks on her. I contemplated for 10 mins what to do about it if anything, but decided to phone them up. They were very apologetic on the phone and promised to look into the matter. They told me a few days later that they had been very busy that morning and in the rush it happened but that from now on they would be very careful and also were looking for more staff etc.
I am kind of disappointed very much though, as on their brochure they promise: loving, caring and learning through play.
As far as the loving and caring goes, I'm just not convinced! They also don't do daily reports, only weekly ones; and what I read on there somewhat sounded made up. I even contemplated hiring one of those mini-cams, but they are awfully expensive...
May be I just worry too much. - But I really would like to know if any of you find it odd that in this group (2-3's) there aren't any kids smiling or laughing...

I am horrifed by some of these messages. You are paying these people's wages - you have a right to know what your child does everyday and make sure they are happy. I work in a prep school and it is our school's policy to be open door - sometime it is a pain and sometimes you may ahve to ask a parent to come back later, but they pay our wages so we have to specially nice to them. Even at dd nursery we get a reprot about what she has done, ate and what nappies they have changed. And she gets really exicted when she goes into the nursery. I wuld complain (nicely), because otherwize how can the nursery know if they are not doing a good job. Surley every professional wants the children in their care to be happy.