Scared of handing in notice

[mysterious1]

I have posted here for some support. I need to hand in my notice at work this month and feel a mix of emotions mainly fear. I am worried as I don’t know what to expect. They will either try to convince me to stay (which will make me feel very awkward) or they may get aggressive and demand to know why, where I am going, etc. which I don’t really want to disclose.

If they get aggressive and demanding does anyone have any advice on how to handle it?

[flowery]

Why do you want to keep it a secret where you're going? That would be highly unusual and it wouldn't be surprising if the secrecy didn't go down well. What about a reference?

[mysterious1]

Thanks for the reply flowery. I don't need a reference and I am moving to a competitor. I guess I am just reluctant as I had a VERY bad experience when a I left a company in the past. They were horrible and threatening and I just don't want to go through it all again.

[flowery]

Well it's good that you don't need a reference, although of course you may do in future.

I think in terms of minimising bad reactions, your best bet is to be open and honest about where you are going rather than refusing to disclose, to offer to do anything they may consider especially helpful in terms of handover etc, to thank them for the opportunities you had while there, and then leave it at that.

The best way to avoid aggressive behaviour is to take their feet from under them and not give them ammunition to paint you as unreasonable or uncooperative.

[mysterious1]

Thanks for the advice flowery, I feel a bit better now. I know that I am overthinking it and am making a bigger deal about it than I should!

[troodiedoo]

Try and remember you are the one in control here. The most likely scenario is that they will be sad you're leaving but wish you well. The worst thing to happen will be a bit of awkwardness like you say, and that will soon be forgotten. Practice what you will say if asked. Keep calm, polite and as truthful as you can be. Good luck and congrats on your new job.

[WellThisIsShit]

Agree with flowery's post. People remember and judge exit behaviour, and so you need to be super polite, efficient and proactive about hand overs etc.

I suspect you had a horrible time before, but that's not usual. I'd definitely take care that your behaviour doesn't come over as aggressive or defensive, as it will if you expect this employer to react the same as the last one.

It's almost a self fulfilling prophesy, so please take heart from this - you are actually in a positive to set the tone for these last few interactions.

For example, if you set the tone as professional and good natured, they will respond to that, and it's hard to respond with aggression or ill grace in the face of determined politeness!

On the other hand, if you set the tone as combative and unpleasant, they will respond to that as well.

It's a peculiar time when you resign, especially if there's a long notice period. Just remember that you are in a position of power here - you don't need anything from them, and the dynamic of 'employed person wanting to keep their job' has shifted.

Just a thought: I wonder if your last boss reacted nastily because of that power shift. Feeling like you've not got control over someone can really wind a nasty person up. It says a lot about them, not you... and equally, not much about your current employers likely behaviour either!

So really, the only thing you would like from them is the possibility of a reference in the future, and that will happen by following the 'determined professionalism' route in leaving.

Good luck!

[mysterious1]

Thanks for the advice everyone. When I think back to when I resigned from my last position, I was polite, offered to give a handover, also typed up a formal letter of notice. My boss reacted by telling me that I was making the biggest mistake in my life, told me that I should not leave and that I would never succeed and told me to leave the building immediately and that he never wanted to see my face again! He also crumpled my letter of resignation and laughed at me. It was horrible and they were not the best company to work for. Lots of people have left since (which is hardly a surprise). Leaving that company was the best decision I made.

This company are a lot nicer and I hope that they react well and don't shout at me and turn aggressive on me. Even if they do, I guess I will have to handle it like I did last time by being polite. I feel so much better typing this out to be honest. I guess I am so anxious/scared following the bad experience I had last time and have to remember that not all bosses/companies are the same.

[OddBoots]

If you are going to a rival company then depending on your role they may put you on 'gardening leave' (pay you the notice period but you no longer come in to work) but the way your old company did things was unusual and wrong, hopefully you wouldn't be that unlucky twice.

[troodiedoo]

Blimey mysterious no wonder you're anxious. That's terribly unprofessional. I'm sure it'll be fine this time.

[CadnoDrwg]

If you're moving to a competitor definitely come clean about who you're working for. It's very common to be asked to leave with immediate effect but on full pay for the rest of your notice in these circumstances.

Not disclosing this could cause more problems in the long run and may make you or your new employer vulnerable to legal action in certain industries.

You'd be very unlucky to have the same experience twice...I've never heard of anyone being treated like that at the point of resignation.

[mysterious1]

Just to update everyone, I am going to hand in my notice this Friday. Thank you for the advice, it really has made me feel more confident about it.

I still feel slightly anxious for some reason but know it has to be done. Wish me luck. I really hope that it goes down well and it doesn't end up being an aggressive meeting.

I was going to ask to sit down with my boss to discuss this. Would it be better to email him first to tell him that I am handing in my notice to see his reaction or do it face to face?

[TheSnowFairy]

If you are moving to a competitor then I think you will be asked to leave immediately.

And I would have a letter typed and ask to see him privately, then hand him that. He will know what it is!

[FunkyBarnYardBroom]

Hi there!

[FunkyBarnYardBroom]

Ooops sorry. Hope it goes well for you. I've just had an awful even a horrific experience that was much like your last..... so hopefully I've taken that hit for the week and you can go through yours Plain sailing!

Good luck