Setbacks after setbacks - will I ever be working again after DC1?

[uberconscious]

I've been in good professional jobs and have a solid track record, a robust up to date CV highlighting recent projects while on mat leave, got to final stage at interview and either job was put on hold or no feedback after reaching a point where I would expect an offer letter etc...

I'm limited because of childcare costs so can only apply for jobs that allow working from home / flexible hours as we cannot afford full time childcare fees even after my second income.

I've become deflated. This has been going on for over a year and it's turned into a pattern. I've looked at changing my thinking, attitude, (positive visualisation) I always got the job before and I don't understand what's going on. feeling low as a result and feeling defeated.

How long did it take to find a new job after first child?

P.S. I resigned from a very global role due to medical problems due to pregnancy.

Are companies secretly discriminating mums?

[N3wYear2016]

I wanted to add

Interviewing people takes alot of time and effort and may take months to find the right candidate

The employer will be looking for the most suitable candidate who will fit their requirements

The job market is very competitive

I think employers would rather wait to find someone who fits the job 100%, than employ someone who fits the job for a smaller %

-

Although you are offering to work flexible hours and at home
This may not suit the exact requirements of the job role

I think you are thinking what would suit you
Rather than what would suit an employer

---

Alot of people would probably like to work from home.
I know people who commute long hours daily or stay away from home & return at the weekend to their homes

[N3wYear2016]

When your husband comes home why doesnt he do the child care and you work

Or he works days, you work night

Or he works week days, you work weekends

Between you can you both work and find a way to share the child care

If not you are going to have to pay for child care

[JizzyStradlin]

Agree with posters upthread who are saying that as you're getting shortlisted, they clearly like you on paper. So either you're so utterly awful at interviews that it's putting every single employer off, or it's the stuff you're introducing after being shortlisted, ie the working hours. I'm guessing the latter, since you were evidently good enough at interviews to be given senior positions in the past. It's very, very 'out there', what you're asking. I can see that in theory you could get a 40 hour week out of early mornings, lunch and evenings, but aside from maybe an hour or two you're going to be effectively unavailable during normal office hours. While there are a few jobs where that might be ok, tbh an employer is probably going to shit themself. It sounds utterly exhausting, for a start.

Are you quite sure you can't afford any childcare at all? Checked out vouchers, CMs rather than nurseries, maybe an au pair for some of the week, the usual cost saving things?

[museumum]

The only way to achieve the working pattern you're asking for is to be self employed and work on an output basis. Something like copywriting or bookkeeping can be fit into evenings and weekends usually, though you would have to answer phonecalls from your clients.
Nobody will pay you a salary for the working patterns your asking for.

[Stillunexpected]

The responses you have received have got nothing to do with lack of compassion or understanding of your situation. People are just amazed that you think you can be paid to do a professional role while simultaneously doing another job - of looking after your child. If it was that easy, wouldn't we all be doing it?

I think employers have appeared to be accepting of your proposals either because they are so amazed that you think this can work that they don't know how to respond or they are afraid of being sued by you if they point out that you cannot work while looking after a child. However, they are never going to give you a job based on this plan. Your idea of your husband coming home to take the baby out at lunch time to the park is fanciful. Babies don't care about fitting into anyone's plans like that.

When you say you can't afford childcare, what does that actually mean? If, like hundreds of others on here, you are saying that childcare will effectively eat up all of your salary then that is sad reality for many working families. However, many of us chose to continue working for additional benefits like health care, pension etc, for career progression, not to lose touch with the world of work, adult company etc etc. There are a few years when it is really, really expensive but once your child goes to school then things become easier. I think you have to decide whether you are prepared to take the hit or not for this time.

[elfofftheshelf]

Basically what you are asking for - to be paid for working whilst also taking care of your child, is why working from home is often so unfairly frowned on for parents to genuinely have care plans in place for their children (as described, an au pair, a nursery place etc). As an experienced professional surely you can see that this is not acceptable or a reasonable request. I'm afraid its attitudes like yours that spoil the opportunities for others who genuinely have childcare covered but still want the flexibility of working from home / avoiding the commute etc etc. Wow.

[2ndSopranosRule]

I don't wish to sound harsh but if you want to work you are going to have to suck it up.

You're struggling because you are only looking for jobs where you can work from home. I have no idea what sector you work in but they are non existent in some lines of work and your mindset is incredibly limiting.

You might find that if you are paying for childcare you temporarily - and by that I mean a few years - working to cover costs only. But you have to look at the picture in the longer term. If you've been working you have at least clung onto the career ladder.

And I'll say again: is the father in the picture? Because if so, you aren't paying for childcare, you both are.

[DangerMouth]

Those sorts of perks you might get if you'd work for a long time already with the company and had proven yourself.

If you cannot afford childcare then you can't work. I can't actually believe though that a seemingly intelligent person would ever think this would work though

And l say this as someone who wfh and has two small dc and childcare.

[TheWildRumpyPumpus]

I cannot think of a single hiring professional I know who would seriously consider a candidate who suggested this kind of arrangement.

What would your child be doing while you were supposed to be working? I know mine were happy to sit in front of the telly for a couple hours as pre-schoolers but there were still numerous interactions required that would have made things like conf calls, deadlines, serious concentration impossible. And you can't sit them in front of the TV morning and afternoon everyday.

WFH is (meant to be) just that, working. Not childcare and keeping an eye on the laptop at the same time.

Can you cut costs elsewhere to enable you to send DC to childminder? How close are they to getting free hours at nursery?

[RB68]

Fundamentally you are trying to work whilst looking after a child - sorry but that DOES NOT WORK

I would suggest looking at an au pair or Mothers help that works during working hours and you have a separate office area where the child has no access.

[MargueriteA]

Though I am confused, haven't you just chosen a nursery for your child?

[MargueriteA]

I don't see it as a matter of people losing their compassion.

But realistically, the hours you are suggesting that you work are really those of someone working for themselves, either on a freelance or consultancy basis.

It is a big ask for a new employer to go for an employee who will never really work in the office. It sounds as though you get down to the final candidates because you have the skills and the personality to match the job and undoubtedly they like you as a candidate - but if everyone is turning you down, then your suggested working hours are just not what an employer wants.

Tbh, even reading a few posts I'm not clear how you are suggesting you can put in 40 hours work(?) a week. Is this working while caring for a child? Or just early mornings and evenings?

Can I ask how old your child is? Working from home with a young child might be possible. Working from home with a 3yo is probably not. Maybe some of the potential employers have children themselves and so know how unworkable it is to suggest working while also going childcare?

With so many rejections, it sounds like time to rethink what might be possible on the job front. Part time? Freelance or consultancy? Or using a childminder for some childcare, which can often work out cheaper and more flexible?

[titchy]

What wannabe said. No employer is going to say you were rejected from the job because of your caring responsibilities - that would be discriminatory. But your wants are ridiculous. You CANNOT work AND look after a child at the same time.

I don't see why you can't afford childcare tbh - most people manage to cover their costs even if on fairly modest salaries.

[mouldycheesefan]

I really can't see a toddler looking after themselves with the exception of meal and nappy breaks equivalent to coffee breaks. This statement shows that really you are deluding yourself as to the feasibility of your proposal.

[mouldycheesefan]

You say that employers have accepted your explanations re your working day, but none of them have offered you a job so I would guess that actually your proposed arrangements do not suit them. They are not going to say outright to you that your proposal is unworkable, but not being offered a job in a year of looking must tell you something.
I don't see any angry comments on this thread, just people explaining to you why your proposals don't work for an employer.
Can you explain why even in a senior role you can't afford childcare?

[wannaBe]

Fwiw I expect the managers haven't said anything because they're not allowed to talk about your childcare arrangements as part of the interview. Afaik it's illegal to ask a candidate about their arrangements for childcare, but given that you've asked about the working hours it's fairly evident why you want to work those hours. So they have to nod and smile and then just reject accordingly.

[wannaBe]

No decent employer would take you seriously if you want to work from home and look after a baby as well. It's just not possible to be productive while you have a baby, essentially, you want an employer to pay you to be a sahm.

Employers want to pay someone to do a job, not do a half-hearted job while looking after a baby.

It's one thing to do a job which involves working from home fitting around the children I.e. In school hours, but most employers would understand working from home to still not include the children being present.

You need to adjust your expectations. If you want a job working from home look to go freelance or self employed.

[nulgirl]

I am very surprised that anyone is considering employing you if you are in charge of children during working ours. That is an absolute no-no in everywhere I have worked (except if it is a one-off for child sickness) . I don't know how old your dc is/ are but you simply cannot be working properly whilst looking after kids and having your husband home for lunchtime is not enough. Do you really think that looking after a child is only changing nappies and feeding? Do you plan to shut your child in a room for the rest of the time?

With regard to the angry replies you have received. It may well be because we probably are working parents who have paid for childcare, take our jobs seriously and think that you are being unrealistic and giving other working parents a bad name.

[uberconscious]

And yes I am deflated because I am human trying to do superhuman things. I admire the other mothers out there doing it but judging from the angry tones in some of the comments from posters I feel that perhaps it makes people lose their human self in the competitive workplace where they are also being super human and finding it tough and therefore lose any sense of compassion for others

[uberconscious]

Why don't hiring managers just explain the cause of the delay? Surely the job market has not changed so much that decency and common courtesy cannot exist?

[uberconscious]

So I was not very clear before what I meant by my working hours is that in addition to standard working hours, I am willing to log in at early mornings for example at 5am to read global emails for exampole from the US which came in overnight and also continue staying logged on after normal working day has ended to cover Asia Pac regions because I am conscious that I may not be able to work as efficiently between the hours of 9-5 as I would without a child to look after (meals / nappies etc) which in my mind offsets coffee breaks and lunch breaks.

Also I have a supportive partner who would come hime for lunch to tace DC out to the playground. This is what I have proposed to employers and they have accepted this. I have been the final candidate so actually my point is not that my arrangement has been an issue to managers but that companies have put jobs on hold for months with no feedback as to why the contract did not come through. Seems there are lots of angry eelings in the comments which has not helped at all. What I am asking in other words is what is happening in the job market from the inside? Whe are people not decent enough to communicate?

[eyebrowse]

I don't think you can do good quality work (or good quality parenting if you are working in the house with preschool children so even to work at home you would need childcare.

[nulgirl]

I think you are being completely unrealistic. Why would someone employ someone with such a restrictive working pattern (WFH, early mornings and afternoons ) when there will be other candidates who don't have these crazy restrictions

If you are looking for a professional role then you should be able to pay for childcare. It is necessary evil to pay childcare and is what most working parents have to do. When my kids were both pre-schoolers, our childcare bill was more than our mortgage each month.

If you came into an interview with me requesting that working pattern I would try hard not to smirk but would instantly write you off as a serious candidate (and we'd probably have a laugh about it as soon as you left the room)

[mouldycheesefan]

Just to add I work in HR and have hired thousands of people and I would not agree to the shift pattern you suggest.
Hiring managers may be adjusting their requirements because they are impressed with you, but none of those conversations are translating to actual work .

[museumum]

Most jobs working from home or flexibly go to existing employees I'm afraid.
If you are applying for rofessional jobs then there must be a way to afford childcare. Have you looked at ft hours over 3/4 days?