DH has had a breakdown through work related stress and reactive depression

[worryforhubby]

I posted the following thread in mental health after my husband suffered a work related stress breakdown, any advice would be appreciated.

My DH has been put under a large amount of stress at work over the past 8 weeks, he has a new area manager who is on some major cost cutting exercise and DH's work has increased due to not being able to have enough staff to cope. (this is a national company) it seems to me as though he is trying to pressure the older more experienced managers (who are on the most money) to quit, so far 15% of the managers have found it unbearable and have quit, but the area manager is quite clever in making it look like he is going by the books.

He had a meeting with DH 10 days ago and said the company is moving in a different direction these days and your style of management is 'old school' and not what the company want, he then proceeded to tell dh about the younger managers and its what they have to offer is what the company want, and what you have to offer is not longer required at your current level, poor DH has been in the job for 20 years and up until 8 weeks ago has always been let to believe he was doing a good job (3 monthly reviews proved this), DH asked him what he needed to do to change, but the area manager replied "what do you think you need to do to change" but as DH had always thought he did a good job, he needed guidance, but he did not get any.

Then he saw DH again a few days ago and suggested that he take a demotion with a 1/3 drop in salary, this would leave us very tight at home, and it sent DH in a bit of a panic, the area manager knew dh was struggling as DH told him, he then told dh yesterday he has a few days to make his decision and if he is staying on in the current role he wants a report on how he is going to improve things, and made it clear that if there was no improvement he would start disciplinary action !! dh was already not sleeping or eating properly and left the room and called me in tears, he was not making much sense, I told him to come home, someone else from work bought him home, dh walked in the door, slid down to the floor and cried uncontrollably for half an hour, I called the doctor who gave him an appointment, dh was in tears throughout the appointment, was babbling and not making much sense, the doctor said he was stressed and it has caused depression and anxiety, he prescribed ad's and referred him to counselling as well as signing him off sick from work.

Since we got back he has done nothing but lay on bed/sofa spaced out, having uncontrollable bouts of tears, he keeps saying to me and the kids he is sorry (its not his fault and we tell him that) but I just hate seeing him like this, I do not know what to do or say to him, I keep cuddling him and telling him it will be ok.

He has started the citalopram, he is feeling spaced out and dizzy today and disorientated.

I just needed let it all out so thanks for anyone who has read this.

When DH is better I think we seriously have to look down the route of making a formal complaint about his mistreatment.

[twentyten]

Thinking of you.

[worryforhubby]

Hermione,

The doctor has referred him for counselling.

I will speak to dh more when he is up to discussing work.

Will make sure detailed notes are written as soon as dh is up for it.

[HermioneWeasley]

You need to make detailed notes of all the conversations, especially where your DH has asked for guidance and not received any.

In the meantime he needs to remain off until he is well enough to discuss work. I would also push for counselling. Does his company offer any counselling or an employee assistance programme?

[kernowgal]

My dad went through similar when I was a teenager, although he was probably much older than your DH (dad was 50 or so) - in his situation it was three of them applying for two jobs - he got one of them but at a lower salary and with an increased workload. He ended up having a breakdown. I won't go into the knock-on effects but please get your DH to see a counsellor ASAP and make sure you have someone to lean on too.

My dad is now much better but had to take early retirement as the anxiety proved too much. I'll be honest, it was a fucking awful time. Also, your kids will be scared and wondering what's wrong with daddy so please tell them (in an age-appropriate way) that he's having a bit of a hard time.

[worryforhubby]

Thanks for your replies.

Action has definitely not started yep, it would only have started once DH put a report in place and then did not stick to it, it was made clear (without saying) that he will be watched like a hawk, and dh definitely got the impression that he felt like he was being forced into the demotion.

Its been game playing for ages, he called dh up and said there are some issues and we need to talk about your future, dh asked him what they were and he replied I will speak to you about it in person, then made DH wait 5 days until he saw him, that was the start of the stress and anxiety and its built from there :(

Today he has managed a bit of food, but just sat on the sofa, starring into space a lot of the time and having the occasional teary moment :(

I got him to write stuff down a few weeks ago when he was really getting stressed, I will get him to write the latest stuff down when he is feeling better.

[IfYouCouldSeeMeNow]

You'll want legal advice on whether disciplinary procedures can start while he's off sick. It is very dependant - in some cases they can. It may depend on whether it's already started or not.

I agree with documenting everything.

I hope he feels better soon. Something similar happened to me last year. In the end, I found something else and found that the idea of pursuing this through a tribunal was just too upsetting, I couldn't cope. I'm still on anti depressants and my anxiety levels are crazy but I've been working somewhere lovely for a while now. It worked out, for the most part.

[atticusclaw]

I'm an employment lawyer. They can continue with disciplinary procedures when he is off sick but this is not disciplinary this, if anything is performance/capability. Im dashing out but will come back later.

[TheDailyWail]

I echo that.

Especially as your DH has ASKED what he needs to do to improve and his area manager could not tell him.

Good luck to you and him. It will be a tough time for your DH and he needs some coping strategies. Maybe even walking away from it all is an option - a scary one though but his health is so important.

[twentyten]

This is awful. Citalopran is good - kicks in after a few days and will help. Sounds like he's got side- effects at the moment but it will help. Is he in a union?
As suggested he needs to document everything- and dig out all those reviews.
It's worth speaking to a union or acas. But first- he needs to get well. Get him outside if you can- even just sitting in the garden. Be kind to yourselves.

[Pheonixisrising]

I can't help much but I am sure they can't carry out any disciplinary procedures when he is signed off and that when he returns they should offer him support
He has a twenty years proven track record of doing a good job so let him hold onto that
Record everything , however small
If they want him to change they need to support and guide him , what an utter bastard manager x