Turned down 4 days a week think I'm going to be jobless - help ! (longish sorry)

[Rookiemum]

I just had my return to work discussion, I'd put forward a proposal to job share but my boss doesn't want to consider it and I think its going to be refused. They are offering 4 days a week but I think thats too long for ds who will be 7mths at the time to be in nursery particularly as it would be for long days of 7.45 - 5.45. Plus I think I would find it too stressful as I'd effectively be doing my old job in 80% of the time on 80% of the salary. I did offer other options up to 3.5 days but again I don't think they are keen.

I've discussed it with dh and he is supportive, but the thing is we can afford it for the first year but after that we do need an element of my salary to stay in our house. There is a chance that another job may come up in the organisation as its a big one that would be job share or p/t but no guarantee.Also as I am fairly senior there are less opportunities for that sort of thing ( I'm finding out that it doesn't pay to do well in your career if you are a woman)

I know there are all sorts of grievance procedures I could go down but I don't want to go back on bitter terms as I think that would be unworkable. I'm also looking into childminders rather than nursery as if 4 days is the only option I'd feel happier about him there than at the nursery but tbh I just feel that for our family me working 4 days isn't the right option

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by sticking to my guns

[bootsmonkey]

Internet shopping & menu planning also a life saver!

[fennel]

have you considered a cleaner if you're going to be working quite long hours?

not that I'd let DH off the hook, you have to drum into him that he needs to do more when you go back to work (we have regular heated arguments on this subject in our house).

[Rookiemum]

It will be normal hours so I will be working roughly 75% of f/t.
Embarassed to admit we already have a cleaner 2 hours a week so I think we will be upping the hours. I like your suggestion lizziemum but unfortunately the kitchen is the one area I will try to keep to myself as DHs concoctions are either basically everything in the kitchen cooked in a curry sauce or the Delicous Exclusive £9.99 a pop M&S range so its easier to do it myself.

[lemonaid]

I agree -- before you go back draw up a plan for the next month of who is going to do what (you / DH / cleaner) and make sure you and DH both agree to it. I also agree that when it comes down to it and you settle in F/T work isn't too bad. The crunch for me is going to come when DS starts school as it's going to be that much more difficult to fit a F/T job around school hours (and I want to be able to drop him off and pick him up rather than rely on a c/m) so I am actively looking at other options for when we reach that stage, but at least I have a couple of years to pursue those opportunities (or possibly more. Um. I have to admit I'm a bit vague on when he will actually start school).

[whiffy]

Rookiemum - you have won yourself a good compromise and I think you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. They obviously value you to come up with anything other than insisting on 4 days. See how it goes. FWIW I do 4 days with very long hours and it works fine - the very big advantage is that other people in your organisation still treat you like a 'proper' employee wheras the people on 3 days are seen (quite unfairly) as not really interested in their jobs. A 4/3.5 split looks fab to me, and you can always ask to renegotiate if it doesn't feel right when you get back. the only thing to remember is to remind people again and again if they try to give you FT amounts of work.

Best of luck on your return to work. Home life has a habit of sorting itself out. And there are also advantages to going back to work that can make up for feeling so busy and compromised lots of the time (drinking coffee while it is still hot is my favourite) And remember that even partners who sleep REALLY heavily at night can manage to wake up and attend junior when encouraged by large elbow digs

[Rookiemum]

I have been thinking about this and have decided I am probably going to go for 4 slightly shorter days rather than the 4/3.5 option.

This is because I worked out how much time I would have with DS from all the various options and the 4 shorter days gives me the most also means I get to keep our relaxed mornings at the minute which I love. I get up DS do his feed whilst DH has his shower then he gives him a cuddle before he heads of to work then I get up and showered and have some fun with DS as he is so lovely in the morning.

I think part of the reason that I was stressing out so much was because I was frightened of losing that and it only seemed worthwhile doing it for 3 days in a week. This way I get to keep them & get home at a reasonable time as well. In fact in some ways it is better than 3 long days a week as people have said that the worst thing about work is the rushing about in the morning.

I think I am still worried that other people will think I have chosen career over kid whereas in reality it is trying to get a fine line of balancing both. However I will just have to see how I get on, I may try to push out the start date until DS is 9mths rather than 7mths but will have to see what boss says to that.
I'm hoping the childminder will be able to take him for a later start, fingers crossed for me.

Thanks everyone for your responses, it has really helped.

[Judy1234]

That sounds like a good compromise and 4 days looks like a better commitment to work anyway but you keep your mornings leisurely starts. It sounds like a good deal all round. I found it easier going back to work when they were younger as they were less used to me at home but then I had to balance that with expressing milk at work so I suppose there are pros and cons.

[Rookiemum]

Just wanted to update on this.

I am going for 4 slightly shorter days but not going back until 2 months later so DS will be 9mths old. Got a meeting with the childminder next week, we may need to pay a retainer for the delayed start, but I thought it was worth it because in the long run I am not going to regret delaying going back to work for a couple of months plus I will be earning more than I had anticipated so we can afford it.

I feel slightly sad that I didn't get the 3 or 2.5 days I thought would work best for our family, but at least I get reasonable time with DS even on the days that I am working and he won't have long days at the childminders. If I really don't like it after a few months then I can look for something more p/t within the organisation.

I wanted to thank everyone for their input I honestly don't think I would have got to this stage without Mumsnet and all the opinions that you have shared with me.

[mumofgrol]

Hello! Hope you don't mind me poking my nose in! It is my first time here! It is so good to hear that there are other working mums out there as I am surrounded by sahms, which is great but it makes me feel so guilty when they say "Oh I couldn't leave my child with a childminder or at nursery" but I really don't have a choice - I need to work so that my babies can be fed and clothed not to escape (ok maybe sometimes!) But I have a lovely lovely childminder with a little boy the same age as my eldest and I know that she will look after them aswell as her own.

[bran]

When I came back to work I asked for 3 days a week but was turned down. So I came back 4 days a week (which is what I was doing before I went on leave) and immediately started job hunting for something nearer to home. I was offered, and accepted, the other job and when I handed in my notice director asked what would make me stay, so I ended up getting my 3 day week (2 half days from home and 2 full days in the office). So you never know, there could be an opportunity to change the hours once you get back there and make yourself invaluable.

[Rookiemum]

Thanks bran, I am very much going back with the attitude of giving it a go and then reviewing the situation after 3 months to see how its working and then if its not seeing what other vacancies are available or worst case scenario going on a career break.

I think you are right about the making myself invaluable bit, I wasn't there for a long time so I haven't been able to do that and hopefully once I am back then I can prove my ability and be able to negotiate if it proves necessary.

Waves to mumofgrol - lots of working women on this site....

[Angela2005]

good luck!

[CurrantBun]

Have just read through this thread and there's been some great advice for mums returning to work. Rookiemum, I'm glad you managed to reach a satisfactory compromise, and hope things work out for you.

My baby isn't due until February, so ages away yet, but am already thinking about how long I'll take off work and options for returning.

I'm hoping I'll be able to do 4 days a week, with one of those from home. The question is, how realistic is that with a baby to look after? Losing one day's salary a week isn't too damaging to the family finances, but losing two days seems to make a massive difference. Nursery care is quite expensive (I'm not keen on using a childminder) so we were hoping to put the baby in nursery 2.5 days a week with my mum having him/her for half a day. DH and I would then both hopefully work a day a week each from home which would cover the other days. Just not sure how realistic this is - I think I could get away with it, as I could save 'menial' tasks for the day I'm at home, but not sure at all it'll work with DH's job.

Has anyone managed this successfully, or are we living in Cloud Cuckoo Land?

[Judy1234]

It should be fine. Good that both you and your husband will do the day at home too which makes it fairer. It can be hard to get any work done with a baby around but depends on the baby. I'm working all day today with a house full of small boys which is going okay because they're 7. Massive difference from when they were say 2.

[Hamandcheese]

currantbun: if you're considering working at home for 1 day with no childcare, I'd say definitely Cloud Cukcoo land. I work from home with childcare, and if I have problems with childcare I take A/L. I cannot work around the children. I have done this with a 18mo old and then again with two children. At very best I could do 3 - 4 hrs per day when I had only one child who slept in the day and I worked while he slept and then after he went to bed. Exhausting and not professional.

Everyone looses - you, the child, your employer...

I may have misunderstood your arrangements.

best wishes - it could work for you, but it would not work for me.

[CountTo10]

rookiemum glad to see you got a compromise. What I'd say is you've got to give it a go and then if it doesn't feel like its working out look for something that will. I went back when my ds was 5.5mths and his childcare was shared between grandparents and nursery. I do 1 full day and 4 mornings and it works out really well. I love my job and I love getting to spend quality time with ds on a regular basis. What I would say is you need to have the extra support around the house and with washing/ironing etc otherwise it can get you down a bit. You also need to think about whether you will ever need to do extra hours or making sure you stand firm on leaving times etc as employers can sometimes forget that you have a life and responsibilities outside of work!!! It is hard work juggling motherhood and career but I think its worth it!!!

[whiffy]

CurrantBun - I second every word Hamandcheese wrote and I suspect this may give your company grounds to dismiss you if they found out, unless they have OK'd it in advance. Only way I can see it working is if your hours that day are flexible and you are able to get in the extra hours lost during the day by working into the evening...but that won't be fun.

[berrycherry]

Currantbun, why do you not want to use a CM? imo if you get a good one, they are worth their weight in gold, and for under 3's a much better option (will probably get a lot of stick for saying that!)
my dd's had the same cm, and she was lovely to them. they had a nice home environment and lots of very tender care.

[Rookiemum]

Came back to this, glad that I am still getting advice from people.

Countto10 I totally agree re the extra support, although I am pretty demanding with staff at work, I think I am kind of embarassed about having a cleaner and tend not to specify what I want her to do, so I have already been plotting out lists to say exactly what i want her to do for the extra hours.

I have also spoken to my husband as we both have it easy at the minute as our DS is a delightful little fella so I have time to do majority of housework, cooking & ironing as well as childcare which I think is fair enough as I am off work but will definitely not be when I get back.He has said that he understands and will pick up the slack but I think there may be a few discussions about the matter, particularly as he is always looking for time consuming "projects" which to his mind constitute work but don't do the dull every day business. Anyway he always means well so hopefully it will be fine.

Currantbun - hate to tell you but I don't think it would be possible to work from home with baby there as it takes a lot of time even just dealing with feeding and nappy changing. I was keen not to have a child minder because I didn't want him getting attached to someone else, but now I have met her and seen the things she does with the kids I think he will have a great time there.

[Rookiemum]

Sorry one more thing countto10, one reason I am quite keen to go back to this department is they are very keen on you only working the hours you are paid to and I will only be expected to travel once every month or so which is quite unusual for the organisation I am in.

[qi]

Rookiemum, thanks for the post in nursery thread. There is a website called something like "where women work" which lists companies doing well in flexible working and equal opputunities, etc. It would be good to read, but I simply can't find it anymore. I'll see if I can get it when I return work, had it book marked at my work PC.

Glad to know you have solved the working situation. Get the mornings with little one almost perfect solution. All the best.