Your tips please to a happy household when working ft...

[YouSmegHead]

So recently went back to work ft and haven't found my stride yet. What top tips do you have for keeping me sane

[OneLittleToddlingTerror]

And yes to ocado shopping too. It probably helps about the ironing bit that my little one is a toddler, and that neither me nor DH wear suits to work. There are lots of clothes option that don't require ironing.

[TheOnlyPersonInTheRoom]

Slow cooker
Clothes and bags ready the night before
There are some things you should ALWAYS have in the house: e.g. spare birthday cards, stamps, milk and bread in the freezer, a tin with pound coins in
Be organised - have an address card system, a calendar with birthdays/holidays/visitors/visits on it, a drawer of takeaway menus!
Don't have a pet that consumes a lot of time and makes a lot of mess! (i.e. a dog) bitter experience
Short commute
We shower the night before [filthy]
Deal with the post when you get it
Direct debits for everything you can
A second car seat (for DH's van) has helped me us no end.
If either of us get some time at home alone it goes without saying that it is spent ironing/cleaning/vacuuming/washing

I am 3 months in and really struggling - we both work full time, we have a 1-year-old and no family around. We don't have a cleaner or an ironer (and we have a LOT of ironing... like Mandy I don't understand how people can get away with not ironing). There is no supermarket nearby but online shopping takes just as long. I have a CM but she only works 8-5.

We don't help ourselves either as we 'make' extra work for ourselves. If we are all at home on the weekend with no visitors (rare) then the spare time will be filled with something dull like doing the accounts. DH is a tradesman and will end up picking up jobs at the weekend if there is something going. If our family visit they create work rather than helping us out.

Our house is going to rack and ruin as is my body, our relationship is suffering, I for one am completely exhausted.

[Way2Go]

Stop going on about cleaners Or, even housekeepers

The OP has said she can't afford a cleaner at the moment.

[Xenia]

Oops, sorry well I did say we had a period where certainly no cleaner (in fact allbaby clothes second hand childcare cost more than one of our salaries). In those days we divided tasks up their father washed all the nappies - no good disposable in 1988 or they were too expensive so he did 100% of the ashing of those (andwe had 3 in nappies at night at one point) - in other words share tasks between both of you.

TheOnly, well it will get easier. We had no family around either. With little children it is full on as soon as you get in at the door (with 3 under 4 and both of us working full time it was),. All I can say is that now they are much older - three have graduated - it was definitely worth keeping working if you look at what I have earned over the next nearly 30 years. It was massively worth putting up with those very few years which are hard and they are hard whether you aer home with babies all day or working all day.

I agree wth TheO's points too. I remember doing a lot of hoovering with the screaming baby (she didn't stop crying for 4 months) strapped on my front as that was a way to keep her calm - boy movement and sound of hoover and it keeps you moving.

I can remember a period of having a shower every 2 days not every day although I accept not everyone would find that acecptable. I don't think I smelled.

[pleasethanks]

I'll caveat this with saying I don't work full time, but I do work full days on a Mon to Wed. But what I have found helps is;

• cooking on a sunday so we have dinner for that night and Tuesday night ready
  

• putting something simple in the slow cooker on a monday morn for dinner that night (I pull out DD's when we get in from nursery and then our dinner is ready once she is in bed for the night). It is not my favourite meals, but so handy for a monday
  

• bit of batch cooking at weekends and freezing
  

• eat out or takeaway on a fri or sat night
  

• DH gets in from work just in time for bath, so he does bath and I run round tidying up etc and then I do bedtime and he takes over any tidying etc. Knowing I am just tidying for 10 mins or so focuses me and I just get on with it and it means I can relax a bit more once DD is in bed
  

• Get DD (2) to help me as much as she can - emptying dishwasher, clearing up toys etc. Feel it is good to instill this in her
  

• iron only what needs to be done. Tend to do it on a tues night when DH is out and I would just be lying on couch anyway
  

• accept my standards are probably lower now and that is fine as I love spending time with DD and DH

[OneLittleToddlingTerror]

TheOnly I'm nearly a year in now. I think you have it harder because your DH is self employed so it sounds like you have to do the accounts after work hours. That is like holding a full time and a part time job at the same time.

As for online shopping taking just as long. That's why I specifically mention Ocado. It takes just as long if you use any of the other other supermarkets. Their website all sucks. Ocado is very fast because, well, the website is very slick and you don't have to browse through lists and lists of items to get what you want. I can do a weekly shop in 10-15min. And I don't repeat cook the same every week. So it's a new basket everytime.

Also I don't see why you need to iron. Your DH surely doesn't need to wear a shirt? (Females always have the option to wear other things with suits). It sometimes called lowering your standards. What are you ironing specifically?

[TheOnlyPersonInTheRoom]

OneLittle yes I need to rethink my ironing stance I think. DH doesn't have much (I just fold his work clothes) but me and DD seem to generate a lot of ironing. My wardrobe is very disorganised, I need to streamline it (need some help there) and I think my life would be simpler. I need to know what materials I can get away with not ironing and only buy clothes made of that material!

I probably don't need to iron DD's stuff at all but I just feel better if she goes out in the morning looking 'pressed'. My DH does more than his fair share - if he gets an early knock-off he tackles the entire pile and does a lot of stuff round the house.

His accounts build up and I tackle them in one go so it's not too bad, but the thing with him being a tradesman is he is out of the house a lot (working but also doing quotes in the evenings and picking up stock at the weekends). He also goes away to work sometimes so can be away for a week or so. I feel like a single parent trying to work full time.

[BoffinMum]

"If either of us get some time at home alone it goes without saying that it is spent ironing/cleaning/vacuuming/washing"

I would set a timer and have both adults do an hour's intensive cleaning up, and then stop when the timer bleeps, otherwise it will eat into every moment you have. Any home can be dealt with in 4-6 hours a week, that's 2-3 hours each, and that should include your laundry and ironing. Seriously.

"I am 3 months in and really struggling - we both work full time, we have a 1-year-old and no family around. We don't have a cleaner or an ironer (and we have a LOT of ironing... "

I suggest that either you get a large tumble dryer, or you only iron things you wear in public, and avoid ironing bedding, table linens, pyjamas, and anything you can get away with just shaking out and hanging up. Also are you leaving it in the washing machine too long, or filling the washing machine too full? Those are both things that generate a lot of ironing. If you accidentally do this, it is better to halve the load and quickly re-wash it rather than struggling on.

"There is no supermarket nearby but online shopping takes just as long".

Set up a regular order and just eat the same stuff each week. Many online supermarkets have a facility to refill the basket with your regular items.

"We don't help ourselves either as we 'make' extra work for ourselves. If we are all at home on the weekend with no visitors (rare) then the spare time will be filled with something dull like doing the accounts".

That is family life

"DH is a tradesman and will end up picking up jobs at the weekend if there is something going".

Fathers do that. It's called supporting the family.

"If our family visit they create work rather than helping us out".

Visit them instead?

"Our house is going to rack and ruin as is my body, our relationship is suffering, I for one am completely exhausted".

My darling, you need a holiday. Any chance of one?

[BoffinMum]

Another good tactic I do sometimes is take a couple of days' leave from work, and then sort out my wardrobe, catch up with my mending and errands, give the place a good clean and do a big freezer shop. Helps no end. DH does that sometimes as well.

[OneLittleToddlingTerror]

TheOnly poor DD never look "pressed" . She doesn't seem to mind, yet!

[BoffinMum]

Clean is good enough, tbh. Pressed is for best!

[TheOnlyPersonInTheRoom]

Boffin I wasn't complaining about him working weekends! I realise why he does it! It is just one of many things that eats into 'time available to accomplish things' is all :)

Family (both sets) are a 5 hour drive away - that's 10 hours I could be ironing!

Great tip about the washer/dryer thank you

[pleasethanks]

Also, I only wash my hair on one out of my three work days. I just dry shampoo and spruce up with the straighteners on the other work days (but shower). Saves me 10 mins in the morn. Every little helps!

[mommybunny]

Not getting the whole 5x school shirts thing - my DCs (7 and 5, admittedly not teenagers yet) have 2 each, one to wear and one to wash. DS has 2 pairs of uniform trousers and DD has 2 uniform tunics. 5+ pairs of socks/tights though.

Teaching DCs to look after themselves as early as possible is a very good coping strategy too. DS (the 7yo) dresses himself, makes his bed, tidies his room, lays the breakfast table and feeds the fish before he's allowed to play on his Wii in the morning, I'm trying to find a similar inducement for DD (the 5yo) as she couldn't care less about the Wii...

[ChicMama25]

haha Xenia "Go on a mental health course to remove whoever conditioned yuou into thinking ironing was necessary"

amazing. my mum comes over on a friday takes DD to ballet and does some cleaning and ironing... but I have to tell her not to iron b/c she irons bloody TSHIRTS and SHEETS when there are like 5 million actual work shirts always always. She was a SAHM so doesnt get that you dont need to iron pillowcases...

want an aupair but cant afford it yet and also prefer to have the house to ourselves....

[StealthToddler]

I have 3 DS under 5 and am expecting DC4, and work full time commuting into central london.

I too am a slovenly beast and shower/wash my hair at night - usually when 2 DS are in the bath (I am right next to the bath and watching them) and whilst the other one plays. Then all change and other one in whilst I get dry and dry the other 2.

At night I get school bags ready (fortunately no packed lunches to make) and uniform out for DS1.

I second a good cleaner - by the time the kids are asleep it is 8pm, and I then have to cook dinner for DH and me so I don't want to do housework as am exhausted and need to go to bed early due to morning sickness, and DH gets up at 5am every day for a long day.

Also doing the main shop online for the same delivery time every week has been a godsend. We don't drive to a supermarket, so this way I can take advantage of the multibuy cheap but heavy things (nappies, washing liquid, loo rolls etc) so it more than offsets the delivery charge (I sign up for a year so the delivery charge is very economical.

Do homework at bedtime.

At lunchtime in the office I am super efficient doing all admin.

Batch cook (stews are good) and freeze.

We always eat out on a Sunday tea time as a family so that we have one evening where we aren't cooking, aren't doing washing up etc and can actually have an hour and a half of grown up time (DH and me) together so we actually feel like we spend some time together instead of just charging around all the time.

[harrietspy]

I'm working on stopping the laundry pile from getting big in the first place to save on drying costs and to cut down on the time it takes to wash, dry, fold, etc. (There's no way I could dry it reliably outside, the tumble dryer is expensive and we haven't put the central heating on yet). The boys' school sweatshirts and trousers always have food/mud on after a day's wear, so I've taken to keeping a bottle of washing up liquid and a sponge in the bathroom. I'll scrape/sponge the crud off the clothes while the boys are in the bath then hang up overnight. It only takes a couple of minutes but really keeps the washing down and they're not old enough to be sweaty so it really isn't as gross as it sounds. And they do get a proper wash after 2-3 wears.

My work lunch is a packet of oatcakes, cheese, dates and as much fruit as I can fit in a lunch box so it requires virtually no prep. Kids' lunches are uncomplicated too. Lay out breakfast night before including tea bag in cup.

Good luck!

[ChicMama25]

I also shower and wash myhair the night before whicih I hate but I leave home at 4.50am or 5.50am for work so no choice there really (I do cycle as well most days but when I do I shower at work (again) but takes too long to wash and dry hair there - could cut it off again but i am too vain)

my partner does cooking and housework in the mornings after I leave for an hour or so and it realyl helps. he then brings DD to school and I pick her up at the end of the day (630pm). I do earn more than him but it is more the fact that I do 12hr days and he does only about 9 or 10hr days, so yeah I'd say he does marginally more housework than me on balance. I generally do laundry and he does shopping/cooking. He cleans kitchen and I clean bathroom.

The best thing to do is prep meals in advance, we dont get home with DD till 7pm and then she always has a bit of hwk left and we need to eat and get her to bed (she has a shower in the morning now while DP does housework which helps)

the most depressing thing is cleaning on the weekend so we try not to do that and yeah the house is not always clean. we want to get a cleaner but always find new uses for the money in our budget like we want to decorate the house first...

[TheOnlyPersonInTheRoom]

I permanently carry a brunch bar or cereal bar in case I don't get breakfast, and I have food in my drawers at work.

I shower at night, sleep with wet hair (what would my grandma say??) and then bung it up in a clawclip for work. I am lucky to not have unruly hair though, I don't know how people manage when they have to faff about straightning and what not before work.

I never go to the doctors. I have my hair cut twice a year MAX (and I have to take half a day off for that if I'm not organised enough to bag a Saturday appointment). I can't imagine what it's like to get your nails done or be waxed, tanned, etc..

I buy all my clothes online and if they don't fit then I rarely find time to send them back so I just hang them up and wait til they fit me. I have countless things still with labels on.

As someone else said I do tasks whilst waiting for other tasks - unload dishwasher whilst waiting for kettle to boil etc.

I no longer watch soaps or, indeed, any television. I LOL when I think how many hours I spent playing Farmville pre-DD!

[OneLittleToddlingTerror]

ChicMama so true about SAHM and ironing. My MIL was a SAH and she ironed everything. (She doesn't now because of ill health). Sheets, pillowcases, t-shirts, socks, towels. It's insane. DH said she used to dust and vaccum everyday too.

My own mum worked full time so we never looked "pressed". I ironed my own school uniform, and that's it. I guess that's why I don't have a over-iron habit to break.

[ChicMama25]

JMO but don't agree with taking holiday to do house admin and stuff.. those 25 days are TOO precious to me! fit it in somehow and save hols for RELAXING STUFF and spending time with your kids

[SusanneLinder]

I get up an hour earlier than my youngest daughter so I can get sorted and have ME time before I need to chase her about.

Everyone has chores, and I expect them to be done.

Dinner-slow cooker, or something cooked at weekends and reheated in microwave. Or something with a jar sauce. While dinner is cooking, I tidy round and wield a duster.We have a dishwasher, and just put the plates in at end of day.

Ironing-I really thought I couldnt live without ironing :o.I just DON'T. I fold stuff as it comes out of tumble dryer and hang it up/stick it in drawer. I don't have work shirts to do as my DH is a nurse and irons his own uniform, but my mate sticks her DH's shirts up to Morrisons.£1 a shirt-sorted. Thinking about doing this with DD's blouses :)

And tidy up as you go along-you cant afford not to.

[YouSmegHead]

Way2Go

Thanks everyone loads of useful tips in here will not think about much easier it would be with a cleaner and someone to do the ironing

[YouSmegHead]

Btw I am a committed non ironer, incorrectly when I returned to it meant the start of ironing and dd start school [grr]

[Xenia]

(By the way I don't agree only Ocado have good on line shopping. Tesco takes me 10 mins only as we just go into our favourites each time. Very reliable.)