My daughter perceives me as 'bigoted' re transgender issues.

[FunderAnna]

Two days ago I posted the following on Facebook

"A survey from employers asks 'What is my gender identity' and gives 4 possible answers.

1. Male (including female to male transmen)
   
2. Female (including male to female transwomen)
   
3. Non-binary (for example, androgyne)
   4)Prefer not to say.
   
   There is no option for me just to state that I am female."
   
   Within minutes I got a Messenger response - including screenshot - of this post from my daughter saying she couldn't see why this was an issue and she'd like to understand at some point.
   
   I messaged back saying yes we could discuss it at some later point and adding a bit of chat. I tried three times to send it and then realised she had blocked me.
   
   Yesterday after I'd emailed her she said that my posting that had made her feel incredibly upset and that she perceived the post as 'bigoted'.
   
   I think I'd find responses from feminist Mumsnetters quite helpful at this point. My daughter has just started her final term at university so it's best if I remain fairly calm about this one. We generally are close and get on well. As I only have a PAYG mobile, messaging each other by FB had worked well as a way of having the odd quick chat. Email feels more distant.

[OnTheList]

Send her an email; saying you what you meant was that you are female but have no gender identity, where is the 'a-gender' box. Or non-binary. As you do not have a gender identity, or it changes daily, then asking about 'gender identity' is a useless question for you unless they include 'none' rather than 'prefer not to say'. And that the people asking the question are the bigoted ones

[Jux]

There's a nice appeal to reason there, and suggestion she goes to M Burns on YouTube and so on, and then some idiot jumps in saying No! Your mother is filled with hate and anger! Do not appeal to her reason! She has none!!

FFS.

[Ereshkigal]

Just read this thread on a long bus journey. Fuck me that Reddit thread! "Lose your mum her job and she might think about the fact that consequences have actions".

[Branleuse]

That reddit thread is awful. Wow it really is like a cult.

[Nextloorejext]

“I used to think people with your opinion were bigoted (I’m 22) now I feel the same as you.”

Lemony - i only started questioning my former swallow the whole dogma (though tbf, i had never thought about it in depth) a few years ago and I’m 50 - you used your critical thinking much earlier. I’m convinced the majority of women would also come to the same conclusion. I saw the articles the other day about howcthe majority of folk are concerned about abuse trans folk might receive. Of course folk support that, i would help a transperson if i saw them being harrassed or threatened - the trans community seem to be celebrating this as a sign everyone is 100% behind every trans policy/demand. I don’t think that’s how it works.

[OlennasWimple]

Isn't it, Teacup? This is the Reddit GC discussion of it: much more reassuring www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/8dz3j9/my_27f_mum_60f_has_turned_into_a_twitter_terf_and/

[LemonysSnicket]

I used to think people with your opinion were bigoted (I’m 22) now I feel the same as you.

[Teacuphiccup]

God that reddit thread is depressing.

[Idontdowindows]

TRAs using all the old Stasi tricks eh...

[KreigersClones]

Wtaf?

[OlennasWimple]

OP - is your DD on Reddit by any chance?

np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8dw5g6/my_27f_mum_60f_has_turned_into_a_twitter_terf_and/

[PositivelyPERF]

Oh blimey. Lots of TRAs on here tonight!

[NobodyToVoteForNow]

I'm not sure what's happened to Mumsnet. Of course you're not bigoted!

We're fifty two percent of the population and we have every right to describe ourselves as we are, rather than as MRAs tell us to.

Unfortunately MN has been thoroughly infiltrated by those of the genderist, anti-biology faith.

[Terfmore]

thebewilderness -
ahh - I did write something more acerbic but moderated myself! Thankyou for the heads up.

[AssassinatedBeauty]

Not necessarily. What if you don't have a gender identity? Do you have to go with "non binary" or "prefer not to say"?

[TheHulksPurplePants]

Unless you generally have issues with reading, the choice was obviously #2. Your daughter is spot on.

[thebewilderness]

Supermatch has been JAQing off all over the forum for days.

[Terfmore]

SupermatchGame
As above - people do not and cannot change sex. The fact this is law and it is now supposedly hate speech to even discuss the problems this causes is why people are so pissed off.

If you have questions you wish to explore then start a thread and people will respond.

[thebewilderness]

It is frightening when our children adopt the teachings of a religious cult and call us bigots when we do not share their beliefs.
Women's rights were proclaimed to be anti men in the past and now women's rights are proclaimed anti trans.
Society is being forcibly transitioned from sex segregated spaces for safety, privacy, and dignity, to gender segregated spaces based on beliefs no one actually believes.
Eventually your daughter will discover that the result will be endangering or excluding her from the public sphere.
I am so sorry you are going through this with her.

[AssassinatedBeauty]

People who have legally changed sex have not changed sex. They have been given the legal right to be treated as the opposite sex, in nearly all circumstances.

[iamawoman]

We ARE females, we dont need to identify as one

[Idontdowindows]

They do legally.

Just because the law says so, doesn't mean it's real. The law does not trump reality.

[SupermatchGame]

Idontdowindows Humans do not change sex.

They do legally. And some humans identify with the opposite physical sex that they were born. And the basis for that gender identification likely has genetic, biological, environmental and cultural precursors.

[Terfmore]

My children (between ages 14 - 24) all know what I think. the three eldest broadly agree. My eldest says my "my discourse around the topic could be offensive" (she went to a posh uni and talks like that).

My youngest is being slowly peaked. She recently moaned about you tubers who are trans and they are as annoying as the ones with anorexia and just doing it because they think it glamorous. I didn't comment as she gets defensive but it struck me quite perceptive but at the same time unkind.

I am sure your daughter will meet someone at work or similar and will question her views.

[moofolk]

It begs the question of what the point in asking the question is.

Is it to know how to treat people, e.g. to know the ratio of kitten:football posters on the walls? In which case it's sexist.

Is it to understand people's backgrounds for equality monitoring? Then it's pointless as it can't distinguish between men and women.

Apologies, haven't rtft as it's a long one but in response to someone upthread saying the trans definition of not fitting in with sex assigned at birth there are two points.

1. Most of us don't 'fit' but want to make it better for everyone by challenging gender norms rather than jumping from one box to another.

1. Sex isn't assigned at birth it's observed.

OP this must be really hard for you re relationship with your daughter. Suggest some gender critical reading for your daughter and the assurance that gender critical feminism is good for everyone including trans people.

Miranda Yardley and Rya (sp?) are good for this as they are trans women who are also gender critical. Have some great YouTube vids on trans ideology and radical feminism.