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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Receptionist in 'unprofessional' clothes. Am conflicted

83 replies

bagelbaby · 04/12/2017 11:04

Love to hear your opinions as I'm conflicted.
Just dropped my car off for a service(decent car dealership- think free coffee, papers etc).
Was greeted by a young woman wearing heels so high she could hardly walk, a short extremely tight shirt and a shirt so tight it gaped showing her underwear.
It was all in black, so some thought about professional wear at work.
But it didn't feel right to me. I don't want to body shame. She has the right to wear what she wants.
But it just felt 'off'
I first hoped that the male dominated environment hadn't told her to wear it and then again I hoped she didn't feel that it was exactly what she should wear at work and had no choice.
I call myself a feminist and am finding myself conflicted.
I found myself looking at the heels and then spotting the bra. I thought 'Jeez if I'm doing this, then I guess this young woman is getting similar and worse all day from men?'
Love to hear your views

OP posts:

Report

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 00:03

No, there are no words missing, but that's twice you've been stumped by the obvious.

Arguing on aibu is not fighting anything, its pointless time wasting. Maybe get down to M&S and picket them if you actually want to do anything, rather than sitting on your sofa being a keyboard warrior? That would be fighting your fight. You could do a sad face for the Daily Mail, they would love you.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:18

No, there are no words missing, but that's twice you've been stumped by the obvious

There are better battles to be had but you do you

This makes no sense. Try reading it. There are better battles to be had. makes sense- the words "but you do you" don't.

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 00:21

"you do you" is a really well known phrase to any English speaker who doesn't live under a rock.
Have you heard of "google"? Try that.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:29

Arguing on aibu is not fighting anything, its pointless time wasting

Unlike what you are doing here ?

Maybe get down to M&S and picket them if you actually want to do anything, rather than sitting on your sofa being a keyboard warrior?

Unlike what you are doing here? I haven't picketed them. I have e-mailed their marketing department to say I do not think M&S should be normalising the concept that women's clothes should be described as "modest".

You could do a sad face for the Daily Mail, they would love you

I very much doubt it. I think the Daily Mail would far more lkely ridicule any one who objected to the that type of marketing as a loony feminist.

There were some excellent posts setting out just how anti- feminist and anti- women the concept of "modest clothing" is on the AIBU thread. You might benefit from reading them since you seem to be struggling to understand what a loaded and judgemental expression it is.

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 00:32

Unlike what you are doing here

No, exactly the same. I never claimed to be doing anything other than pointless time wasting!

I very much doubt it. I think the Daily Mail would far more lkely ridicule any one who objected to the that type of marketing as a loony feminist

I'd say they'd love it. "Muslims taking over Marks and Sparks, is nothing sacred?"

You are "fighting" (arf) FOR women to wear what they want but AGAINST calling it what they choose. If you can't see the problem there I can't help you.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:33

"you do you" is a really well known phrase to any English speaker who doesn't live under a rock

My you really are delightful. It is a slang expression which I have not heard; However by applying the rules of English grammar your post is gibberish.

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:40

If you can't see the problem there I can't help you

If you can't see what is wrong with the expression "modest clothing" likewise , I can't help you. I'm actually quite shocked that a poster on FWR doesn't get it.

CheeriosEverywhere · 05/12/2017 00:43

Ah, you're one of those posters, should have known. The reason most people stay out of FWR: only one opinion is acceptable and if you don't share it you haven't understood and you aren't welcome.

I get it, I think you are entirely wrong. And patronising, and culturally inappropriate, and out of touch.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:47

Sorry Grandma, to anyone under 90 it is a perfectly normal thing to say and is grammatically fine in and of itself.
Gibberish it is not, don't lash out because you can't understand modern english

Better and better. I'm enjoying this. A nice bit of ageism is always welcome.

Christmascardqueen · 05/12/2017 00:48

sex sells cars??
does anyone like the way a top feels when that middle button is ready to pop? is pulled so tight it sits sideways? just wondering.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:49

I'm genuinely interested in what you think is "culturally inappropriate" in what I have said?.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 05/12/2017 00:51

And patronising

That is hilarious given what you have been posting.

GuardianLions · 05/12/2017 08:15

lass you are being controlling and judgemental - telling other off other women for their feelings. Even telling women off for feeling 'conflicted'. People feel conflicted when experiencing internal, unresolved contradictions. This is very different from the kind of 'I've made my mind up and this is what it is' certaintainty behind being 'judgemental'.
I agree that the concept of modesty - especially only for women - is worrying and sexist and suggests a cultural lurch towards religious conservatism, but I do not think this issue is about 'modesty' - well not for me anyway.
In a male dominated environment like a garage women can feel uncomfortable entering, perhaps because of the historical seediness of girlie calendars on the wall, being treated like you are stupid for being female and likely to have them try to rip you off, generally feeling like your custom isn't appreciated, and vulnerability, because of a mild leery sense of threat.
Although things have improved dramatically for women customers since those days, to see ua woman, incongruously dressed in a sexually provocative way in that situation could suddenly bring it all back for a customer - the whole seedy, pervy, sexist garage thing - that makes women feel uncomfortable. It could flood your mind with questions.

This is miles away from your mischaracterisation of people's concerns of as "urgh immodest! Cover up woman!".

Oblomov17 · 05/12/2017 08:26

I think we have all seen a women, at work, in clothes too tight, too revealing etc, that we just 'know' isn't right.
The social worker going to the prison is classic.

Zoomaa · 05/12/2017 08:26

what should women wear then?

Not allowed to shop for "modest" clothes, but can't wear anything too short or tight fitting......

A sack? Nothing?

ferrier · 05/12/2017 08:28

you do you

Translation please. I won't be 90 for a good few years and I haven't a clue what it means.

ferrier · 05/12/2017 08:30

And as regards the op, to my mind it is the garage that should be putting a stop to anyone wearing clothes unsuitable for the environment. I'd probably take my custom elsewhere if a garage was populated with women dressed in a way so obviously designed to attract men.

Backingvocals · 05/12/2017 08:31

Professional clothes. That’s what women should wear in the workplace. Are men showcasing their body in the workplace? If not you shouldn’t either.

Zoomaa · 05/12/2017 08:43

What are professional clothes by that definition Backingvocals?

The lady in question was wearing a skirt and shirt - how is that unprofessional?

Backingvocals · 05/12/2017 08:49

Not overly revealing or sexy. Same for everyone.

TaylorTinker · 05/12/2017 08:52

I'm intrigued by "you do you"!

Missing point of thread I know.

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drspouse · 05/12/2017 08:52

It means you are free to carry on being and doing what makes you, you.
I had never heard it before and understood.
I would be extremely worried about the female SW upthread. She is a professional and it is unprofessional to dress in a way designed to attract the sexual attention of clients. Just as unprofessional as if she'd licked her lips and said "gosh I was told you're a big boy". That's the nature of the client-professional relationship.
For the garage receptionist, I'm of the opinion that she thinks this is how people do "professional dress". It's not uncommon. She'd have a fit if she went to work at my local (chain) garage where everyone wears branded fleece gilets and baggy chinos. She might think that they were not respecting themselves by not dressing attractively.

TaylorTinker · 05/12/2017 08:54

"You go ahead and do your own thing then" ?

When I read it the intonation wasn't there to make sense of such a pithy remark.

TaylorTinker · 05/12/2017 08:55

Tbh it looked like an error.

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