what are you teaching your girls?

[gillybeanz]

Hello, I rarely venture on these boards for fear that people will vilify me for being a sahm for so long. I'm working now as it suits me and family to do so.
So with this in mind I always used to think that I hadn't set dd a good work ethic (nor her brothers), how would they grow up? Had I done them a disservice by not working.

I'm sure it's about what you teach your children than rather what you do yourself.
Both my ds and dd can cook, do housework inc laundry and ironing.
They can work together as a team to get chores done. In fact the boys are older and much better than dd.

Anyway, I have managed to raise a dd who questions everything traditionally male, especially within music which is her chosen career.
She has made such a fuss and called teachers sexist for not allowing her to audition for the solo popular Christmas song usually sung by a choir boy, that they let her go for it and she got it. Her view, why can't a girl do it?

My point is due to so many women pushing through glass ceilings and having great careers, something I've never been interested in for myself I believed people when they said I wasn't setting a good example to my dd and worried about her future.
I really needn't have worried she is doing fine, just like many other girls/ women joining male dominated professions.
I know there is still a fight to be won in some industries/ vocations, but does anybody else feel that today's girls are finding it easier than we did and questioning more often?

[cocodidit1]

Its just so important to get it right isn't it?
We all remember having the rush of rages when we realised our position in the hierarchy. So therefore its important that the next generation don't waste time not realising this and challenge it from the off.
I have two DD and one Ds, i really hope I get it right with all of them.

[IAmAmy]

MrsJayy I couldn't disagree more. The OP's daughter saw sexism in girls not being allowed to audition for a solo, challenged it, proved her talent and got the part. She didn't accept girls couldn't do something and has now set a precedent and ensured girls in years to come can also audition and perform the solo. She did excellently at such a young age and should be encouraged.

[YonicProbe]

Y'all want the Jump book on ace women scientists. I'll dig out a link.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Scorbus - DDs (girls)school had Dame Jocelyn Bell Burnell as a speaker at their Science week one year - you can mention her to any idiots who don't think women can be astronomers! One thing she mentioned, which we do need to be aware of when discussing degree and career plans is 'imposter syndrome' - someone who'd made a very important discovery in her field and even she suffered from it!

My own DD has, I think, been aware of the need for feminism(though obv without naming it as such) since she was about 6 when she was told by a teacher that girls couldn't be builders. And now in yr 13 in the process of applying for an engineering degree, she's very aware how male dominated the field is still.

[Scorbus]

Thanks for that link Yonic especially as she is local to us, I will share with DD

[MrsJayy]

Op I don't think your Dd causing a fuss got her anywhere tbh it just got her the part to shut her up shouting sexism and getting your own way isn't what. Ring feminist is about imo

[Xenophile]

Or, you could maybe do some amusing sock puppetry where you state some randomly ridiculous thing as absolute fact and then name change and agree with yourself?

I'd have some fun with it before banning

[Xenophile]

I think you should try and get a few accusations of being man-hating femininazis etc and tell us all how shit we all are as human beings first though, don't you? I'm not sure trolls are supposed to be polite about it.

[ALassByAnyOtherName]

Oh I hadn't thought of that. Should not one of me now be booted off for being a troll !

[Xenophile]

I'd rather work out how to get rid of them. The vast majority seem to be trolling and it must be a real pain for genuine people who wish to post if they have to look like trolls for a while.

It might not work for you because you're posting from a known IP address?

[ALassByAnyOtherName]

I've been trying to work out how "User147s" are generated ( sad, isn't it)

I created a new Gmail account in a name that isn't mine, registered as a new member on MN with that name and address and was asked to create a username.

[Xenophile]

New frock there Lass?

Ah yes, I just read your last line. Suits you.

[ALassByAnyOtherName]

Women's magazines have got incredibly silly compared to what they were in the 1970s. My mother used to get the weekly Woman and Woman's Own which were cosy but real life and practical.

She and Cosmopolitan were monthly and a bit edgier but still very real life and practical with excellent arts and books coverage. I first came across Angela Carter via Cosmopolitan.

I rarely see women's magazines except occasionally in the hairdresser and I don't think they are "incredibly regressive and sexist " - more just silly and irrelevant- even to a clothes fanatic like me.

Oh and before I get accused of name changing for nefarious purposes I am the user usually known as Lass.

[IminaPickle]

No Women's magazines. I think as a society we're blind to their incredibly regressive, sexist messages and I won't have them in the house. Even newspaper supplements are pretty crass but at least they don't have 'stupid stuff for women' subliminally written over them.

[Xenophile]

MrsMorton

And I'm using international men's day to publicise men's mental health issues and suicide rates.

Thank you, this is such an important topic.

[YonicProbe]

Scorbus, your DD may also like en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Athene_Donald

[YonicProbe]

Standing up weeing? Great thing to teach at school!

[IAmAmy]

Scorbus it's brilliant to hear if your older daughter's ambitions. The idea some careers are off limits or not ones girls should aspire to really gets to me, often careers in which women have been thriving for decades. There needs to be more awareness of the huge success women have had in so many fields and it's great your daughter has such an idol.

Completely agree on pink as well. There's nothing wrong with liking pink things or anything stereotypically associated with girls, but it shouldn't be something girls are limited to nor should there be seen as anything wrong with boys liking them.

[Scorbus]

I have two DDs and I have been bringing them up to believe they can do whatever they wish so long as it's not illegal/hurting someone!

I'm a teacher (quite high up the scale) in my DD1's school so she sees me everyday being successful and respected in work. This has given her a lot of confidence in her own decisions. I do not restrict her access to stereotypical "girl" clothes/toys but I also let her explore all the options just as I do with her younger sister. Pink is allowed but is not the only choice IYSWIM.

DD1 currently wants to be an astronomer when she's older and we are encouraging her interest in this area even if some do raise an eyebrow at this "because she's a girl". I point out the fabulous Maggie Aderin-Pocock who is DD's idol in the world of physics.

[Pizanfan]

Lass

Apologies, on re reding I think I took something out of context, the dangers of scanning lol.

'If I had a daughter I would not be telling her how terrible it is to be a woman and how everything is stacked against her.'

THIS ^ 100%!

The narrative that women are pathetic little abused victims in the UK is very damaging to young girls, they accept it as fact! More of us need to be standing up and saying that we are who we determine we are, and are treated how we accept to be treated, take no shit, take no prisoners, and live as fun and fullfiling life as possible.

[Susiesue61]

Doesn't your experience of being a woman later on depend on who you're with? I don't feel my life is 'harder' or more guilt ridden than DH's. We both do housework, we both take the children to clubs, matches etc. I do tend to look after some more traditionally motherly things, like their health, cooking, washing, but that's my choice. He is capable of doing them! So I hope DD will marry someone who treats her as an equal.

[Mrsmorton]

I can totally pee standing up... I don't do it too often these days though.

Just my "world according to Morton" on SAHMs that it's such a good position to show how women can do everything not just go out to work. Like DIY, budgeting, spin all the plates at once, and so on and on and on.

Heart warming to read this thread.

And I'm using international men's day to publicise men's mental health issues and suicide rates.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Nobody is saying anything about not letting children make their own decisions.

I commented on the "typical boy's humour" apparently being displayed by a 6 year old girl as the child in question is merely displaying typical 6 year old humour ( from memory very silly and likely to feature smelly stuff)

I have also commented on similar threads where proud MN mums of "tomboys" tell us how much their daughters hate "pink shit" - denigrating something just because it's traditionally for girls is sexist too.

If I had a daughter I would not be telling her how terrible it is to be a woman and how everything is stacked against her. I was brought up by my mother and maternal grandfather who encouraged me to go to university because I was clever (at a time when less than 10% of the population went) It didn't occur to them that being a girl was relevant in any way.

I would tell a daughter to aim for being financially independent and keep her name and her bank account.

I would also tell her that statements on FWR about how terrible it is for women in the workplace ( you'll be the one taking notes, making coffee, passed over for promotion) sound like something from Mad Men and bear no resemblance to my experience of a law office , either as an employee or an employer nor that of my female colleagues.

[Pizanfan]

OP

I'm not saying this is a factor, but do you think there could be, even 1% a correlation between your daughter aggressively calling teachers names, kicking up a fuss about being allowed to audition for a part, and her getting it?

The problem with reinforcing this behaviour is that the child has just learnt that if she doesn't like something a tantrum and name calling gets what she wants.

I would be outraged if I heard that my DD called her teachers anything, and wasn't educated by myself that when facing something you dislike, or feel isn't fair you follow through civil channells to assist in fixing a perceived problem.

[Pizanfan]

Caesium, ignore Pizan, she thinks she's funny.

You have to love the hypocrisy of someone telling another to ignore a poster on a discussion site!

'I think asserting there's such a thing as "typical boy humour" is bad for all'

You realise that there are scientific studies in primates that reinforces male and female tendancies that excludes social pressures.

I implore anyone to allow their child to make their own decisions on what they enjoy, toys, cartoons, friends etc, and by all means restrict mainstream TV and media etc.. but don't assert your own opinion on that child for the 'good of society', thats abuse.