Annoyed at boss's comment today

[ElanoraHeights]

I didn't know where else to post this so I've gone for the feminism thread. I feel that this comment that my boss said is sexist in that he wouldn't have said it to a man.

I was reviewing a report with him this afternoon and I corrected a couple of mistakes he'd made and he snapped at me: "you're so annoying; no wonder you're still single." I was taken aback and upset and didn't know what to say other than 'you shouldn't say things like that'. He wouldn't say that to any men in the office and he wouldn't say it to most women.

I am very private in work. I have a senior position and I always wear a suit and shirt. Hardly any other women wear a suit but I prefer to as it helps me with my professional image when I'm there. I got another job offer recently and I really wanted it but it meant moving further away and family reasons kept me in the area. My boss was begging me not to leave and offered me a promotion to stay on. I know he thinks highly of me yet, at the same time, feels he can make comments like that.

I'm really annoyed with him for saying it as I deliberately don't share many details of my private life in work. When I have had relationships, I've kept them quiet. I had an abusive relationship years ago, before I started there, which my boss knows about but that's all.

I know there's nothing I can do and I needed to vent, I guess. It annoyed me because it implies that I'm single because there's something wrong with me; that I'm defective in some way. On another thread recently, discussing Mrs/Ms/Miss, women (who were defending their right to use Mrs) were claiming that single women don't get discriminated against. Yet today I have one example of my boss saying something very inappropriate because I'm single. He woudn't have said it to anyone else.

He has said insensitive things in the past and has always apologised but he didn't this time and now he's on holiday for a week.

Thank you for reading if you got this far! I needed to get this off my chest.

[ElanoraHeights]

PS Sorry for typos...wish there was an edit button!

[WriteforFun1]

tbh it's not just the sexism - it's more that he felt it was okay to make such a horrendously personal remark and criticism.

if it makes you feel better, this happened to me - someone else in the meeting complained to HR as I was too young and scared to - and I got an apology.

Short version - I was given a project that was way above my capabilities but I was new in the workplace and didn't realise that. I did okay but I was nervous and my then manager decided to get someone else's opinion on my work.

that lady came in and said "Write's work is good, she's done everything I would have done". Instead of praising me, the manager then said to me "well that was a total waste of time - if you hadn't panicked constantly then I wouldn't have felt the need to get so and so to check it. As it is you have wasted everyone's time".

I said "well I've never done this, am not I allowed to feel underconfident" - and he said "no! and frankly I can see that being underconfident isn't just a problem at work, it's a problem in the whole of your life!"

then a few people shot him evils and he shut up. One person reported it to HR without telling me.

I realise his comment is very minor compared to what's been said to you, but HR thought his comment was highly unprofessional so I would hope your HR dept or any seniors to whom you can report this, would think the same.

I hope that makes some kind of sense. I think reporting it as unprofessional is probably more important than reporting it as sexism - we can't know for sure that he wouldn't say it to a bloke?