Article about rape culture and a bus stop interaction?

[BertieBotts]

I am looking for an article, or perhaps a blog post, I read a few years ago. I think it was linked from here.

The article spoke about how in everyday life women sometimes experience unwanted flirting or behaviour which makes them feel uncomfortable. I think the example given was a man at a bus stop who was perhaps a little bit drunk. The article talked about how she didn't tell him bluntly to go away and leave her alone but instead used subtle body language cues and lack of interest to try to communicate the same thing. (Or perhaps, even, she smiled and laughed to humour him). It also talked about the fact that if she had given an assertive, clear response it would have been seen as aggressive and unnecessary by other bystanders.

It then related this to women's interactions with men in more intimate settings and made the observation that we don't suddenly change our behaviour - we still act polite and we humour and we use smaller, subtler signals to say no, I don't like that, because we understand that it would be considered unutterably rude to actually be honest. And that people in general expect women to be demure and polite in everyday life but when there is a rape case, they contradict this by saying "Well she let him into her bedroom!" "Why didn't she tell him she wasn't interested?" "I would have punched him in the face" etc. That we aren't giving our daughters the tools to say no in the bedroom because we aren't giving them the tools to say no in the street.

It was really powerful and eye opening to me and unfortunately I didn't save it. Does anyone know the one I mean?

[TeiTetua]

The question about Huffington Post is valid, but the same article appeared about the same time on the Good Men Project. A better location?

[AskBasil]

IKR? When women say stuff like this we're told we can't expect men to know....