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Feminism: chat

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Feminism: chat

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Just going to celebrate my DF's birthday. Bet it's my DH who gets offered a drink.

40 replies

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/08/2015 15:36

What is this assumption that the woman is the designated driver? No doubt if I accept a drink and nominate my DH, DF will and claim he is under the thumb. Trivial bit annoying.

OP posts:

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Anniegetyourgun · 16/08/2015 06:51

So your DH takes advantage of being in a dinosaur household and suddenly decides that it would be ruder to accept an offered drink than to deny his wife the agreed opportunity. Hmph. I'd be having a few Words (a) before the event ("don't you even dare try...") and (b) after the event (when he bloody did it anyway).

XH didn't worry about this designated driver shit. He drank anyway and then drove us home. Embarrassingly, I went along with it more often than not. What was wrong with me?

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Anniegetyourgun · 16/08/2015 06:51

Ruder to refuse an offered drink, I meant, obviously (not quite woken up yet).

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JeanSeberg · 16/08/2015 07:20

He dumbs down to DF.

So your husband's the problem then.

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SanityClause · 16/08/2015 07:37

What JeanSeberg said.

You had agreed that your DH would be the designated driver (I think?) but when he was presented with a drink, he took that as an excuse to suddenly go back on the agreement.

He wants to rely on the excuse that somebody else made him do it? Is he 5?

Incidentally, if he had one pint early in the evening, followed by some food, it's very likely his body would have processed all the alcohol by driving home time. So, without being rude, he could have said "Thanks, but I'll switch to soft drinks after that - I'm driving."

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tribpot · 16/08/2015 07:46

Agreed, JeanSeberg.

Your DH should have simply passed the pint to you and said 'sorry, I'm the driver tonight', thus scoring a one-two punch of a woman drinking a pint an a man not having an automatic right to drink.

Not sure why you didn't decide in advance who the driver was going to be?

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 16/08/2015 08:17

We did have that conversation, but as expected, DF offered him the drink first, he took it, and I was offered tea or coffee. He then accepted a second and there was no way I was having him drive after that.

I didn't bother raising the issue again after we left as I have bigger gripes that are grating on me at the moment - this kind of teenage thoughtlessness is the least of it.

OP posts:

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JenniferYellowHat1980 · 16/08/2015 08:19

My dad is rude and judgemental too.

OP posts:

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BudgeUp · 16/08/2015 08:34

OP, this is definitely a thing that I've experienced in the past with alcohol being offered to various BFs/ OHs but not me so you're not going crazy.

In the past my DF also used to be far less forthcoming with the beverages and would constantly remind me that the limit was lower for women than for men.

However after years of me persistently nagging him for alcohol and rolling my eyes at any suggestion of self-restraint I'm happy to say that I've worn him down and he is now a proud father and enabler

The moral of the story is: if alcohol isn't offered to you demand it! It is one of the most beautiful aspects of equality that women can drink in public and without judgement. Your dad needs to get with the times because he's being a dinosaur.

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tribpot · 16/08/2015 08:36

So you'd already decided who the driver was and then he accepted a drink? That's the problem.

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BudgeUp · 16/08/2015 08:43

Also to deal with your DH's weak will, next time he is about to accept a drink when you've agreed otherwise just turn to him and say in loud theatrical whisper "darling you're on antibiotics for that UTI remember"

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clam · 16/08/2015 11:17

So perhaps the thread title ought to have been "bet my husband accepts drinks even though he's meant to be driving."
That's your problem. And you ought to have made him order a taxi.

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nozzz · 16/08/2015 12:02

Strange thread.

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Shakey1500 · 16/08/2015 12:08

I've never experienced this personally.

I agree with clam.

DH drives, I don't, so whenever we got out it's usually a combination of walking/bus/taxi and both having a drink.

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YonicScrewdriver · 16/08/2015 12:33

I agree that the h's response is a problem but so is the presumption of the family not to even offer her a drink!

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YonicScrewdriver · 16/08/2015 12:35

There's a regular on here whose family only ever offer the male eaters seconds; the family is still sexist in their offer even if the male recipients say "yes, and I'm sure my wife would love some more too"