How can we help teen girls?

[almondcakes]

This is in a way a thread about three threads.

It has been in the news that there has been a rise in the risk of girls developing mental health problems, and only girls, which there has been a thread about.

There has also been a news story about how young people's mental health services are struggling to cope, and how youth services are usually about helping kids with anti social behaviour and exclusion rather than picking up on kids with emotional issues more generally. I'm pretty sure people will be familar with the school version of this where research shows teachers spend more of their time on boys than girls, often due to managing behaviour.

Yesterday there was a thread about girls posting on social media about self harm and coming out, which many posters considered to be attention seeking. I find this very worrying, as having worked with young people who self harm, it rarely is attention seeking, and it is not classed alone as a mental health issue. So it is quite ordinary for it to be an issue with which someone needs support, without requiring them to have a mental health diagnosis for it to be taken seriously.

Today there is a thread about if all teen girls are dramatic. While I appreciate mothers should not have to deal with this alone, if girls are seen as too dramatic towards their mothers, too attention seeking on social media, and second place to boys for attention in schools and the youth service, what are they supposed to do? Where do they get support with their own mental health or being in a peer group and supporting female peers who increasingly frequently have mental health or other issues?

What can we do as parents or as a society? Is this covered by an MN campaign and, if not, should it be?

[didyouwritethe]

We certainly wouldn't be offering advice to teens - god help them - we'd be trying to change our own generation's negative attitudes.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

Jump was started by a MNer, but not Boffinmum.

I think, personally, I'm less keen on getting involved with something else to change our generation's negative attitudes. Not that I don't think it's important, just I'd misunderstood what the thread was about.

[didyouwritethe]

Jeanne, the one certain thing about teenage girls is that they won't be lectured at. Surely that's a good thing?!?

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

I don't follow, didyou? Did you mean me?

I was the person who was saying we didn't want to lecture at teen girls originally.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

I really hope I haven't killed this thread!

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

So ... almond, I really, really want to get behind this.

[Sukebind]

Hello, I just thought I would come and add my support. I have dds - not yet teenagers but I am concerned for them, and for girls generally. Thinking about my own background as a teenager (a while ago and before social media really kicked off) I would not have been confident taking getting involved in a heavily teen-led initiative. I went to an all girls school and it would have been the popular girls who ended up organising it. (Direct quote: 'There must be loads of virgins in our year. Think how many sad [sic] people there are here!') As mentioned upthread, teenage girls fear the censure of other teenage girls almost more than anything. And there needs to be the safeguarding of the girls involved to be considered, too. And confidentiality issues where appropriate. I imagine that in the world of social media it can feel like almost nothing is private any more. I was wondering whether some sort of interaction between over 18 girls (say, university sort of age) and younger teenage girls (13-16, for instance) would be the thing to establish a role model situation, sort of a big sister thing?

[sausageeggbacon11]

I have never lectured DD, she has been able to make her own mind up (within reason) since the age of 11. From her first telescope to the physic lab toys she has had it has always been about ensuring she is encouraged to be different. She has kept up her martial arts training when her friends wanted to do make up and not get sweaty. As she has grown up I have become one very proud mother! The biggest disappointment for me is the lack of jobs in astrophysics in the UK and it looks like DD will have to move abroad to get on if(when) she graduates in a few years.

I have always been opened with all the kids and hopefully they feel they can talk to me about anything. Not sure that you can teach someone to ignore peer pressure completely though. Everyone wants to be accepted as a teenager, to stand out and invite bullying takes a whole level of confidence that most teenagers dont have.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

I've just had a lightbulb moment courtesy of buffy ... I think teenage girls do need to feel they're entitled to be bloody angry about the situation.

suke, I agree with you ... as a teenager I would have felt isolated from the 'popular' crowd.

I think this is why I disagree with didyou - I don't think we should just be leaving teenagers to it and concentrating on our own problems. I would like to be the kind of mentor figure I didn't have when I was 16/17, and really needed. Someone who isn't in a position of authority, but also isn't a peer.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

When I say that I think it should be teen led, I don't mean all the responsibility is with the teenage girls to sort out these problems. I mean there shouldn't be a huddle of older women to decide what the solutions are, said solutions imposed on younger women as education, intervention, whatever.

YY. This is what I think I would have wanted back then, and hopefully would be useful now.

[almondcakes]

Sorry, I am still here. I just was out all day at a thing.

I agree that what the issues are is up to teen girls, but how to resolve those issues is not all about them providing solutions. Some of that has to be about supporting funding for provision of professional services and looking at voluntary mentoring schemes, which means adult action and expertise.

I don't think it can be a standard 'ally' situation because teens don't have the work or educational experience to provide everything themselves due to age.

I think it has to have capacity for quieter girls to feel valued, and not mirror the issues I was mentioning with the Youth Service. I am going to look at Scarleteen for some ideas.

If we can think of some campaign, perhaps also getting young women who already act as role models to teens to support it.