How can we help teen girls?

[almondcakes]

This is in a way a thread about three threads.

It has been in the news that there has been a rise in the risk of girls developing mental health problems, and only girls, which there has been a thread about.

There has also been a news story about how young people's mental health services are struggling to cope, and how youth services are usually about helping kids with anti social behaviour and exclusion rather than picking up on kids with emotional issues more generally. I'm pretty sure people will be familar with the school version of this where research shows teachers spend more of their time on boys than girls, often due to managing behaviour.

Yesterday there was a thread about girls posting on social media about self harm and coming out, which many posters considered to be attention seeking. I find this very worrying, as having worked with young people who self harm, it rarely is attention seeking, and it is not classed alone as a mental health issue. So it is quite ordinary for it to be an issue with which someone needs support, without requiring them to have a mental health diagnosis for it to be taken seriously.

Today there is a thread about if all teen girls are dramatic. While I appreciate mothers should not have to deal with this alone, if girls are seen as too dramatic towards their mothers, too attention seeking on social media, and second place to boys for attention in schools and the youth service, what are they supposed to do? Where do they get support with their own mental health or being in a peer group and supporting female peers who increasingly frequently have mental health or other issues?

What can we do as parents or as a society? Is this covered by an MN campaign and, if not, should it be?

[almondcakes]

Yes, I think that is central - about listening to girls.

I think it goes beyond PSE which is more educational, and more about giving girls space to speak and be heard, which is both about an attitude and about facilities.

[didyouwritethe]

The thing is that every single one of them get hit with PSHE, whether they like it or not. And the boys too. PSHE certainly should be about listening to girls, but I bet it's not always done in the best way.

[almondcakes]

I can't really articulate what I mean. I'm not really thinking of PSE. I am thinking more along the lines of something like the 42nd Street Project (which actually isn't just for girls) where there are lots of individual support opportunities and not just for those who have a mental health diagnosis. And they also a 13-25 women's group, LGBT support, other group activities in a space for young people, and they go into schools.

I mean something of that approach in schools and communities, rather than the kind of weird, cool machismo approach that the youth service seems to adopt.

But I also mean a campaign like we believe you, about valuing teenage girls and listening to them in general in society.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

Hi, late to the party, but I'm very much on board about 'doing something'.

This is a big issue in academia (or my bit anyway) at the moment, and one of the things we are worrying about is how much has already happened, before university, that makes teenage girls feel they have to act in ways that actually disadvantage them educationally (and, I'm pretty convinced, emotionally/mentally).

I don't have children, so don't know that side of it, but I am really worried about it. I agree with sanity that teenage girls are constantly expected to be 'more mature' and often told how education has become 'feminized' (implying they should not be struggling), how boys have it hard, etc. etc.

I agree the central thing is listening to girls - and getting them a place to be heard.

I've posted about this before, but there is the 'take up space' campaign (fifty percent project), which is looking at encouraging women to take up the space they should.

I think teenagers must need this at least as much.

Are there mentor schemes anyone knows about, that might help? I keep noticing how much adult women depend on each other - I get so much support from other women and it's extremely powerful.

[almondcakes]

Yes, and I'm not aware of anything that is out there specifically for that age group.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

Yes, exactly buffy. It would be very good to have that network reaching out to people earlier on.

I agree about the competition issue, too. Or there is the perception that it is admitting to a weakness if you admit to needing gendered support.

I think a lot of us had that experience of feeling insulted that anyone should think we might not succeed as well as boys, because after all, feminism is over and we don't need it any more (a message reinforced by the stuff about 'feminization' of education, which is rooted in an important point about boys doing less well academically, but which doesn't think about other issues).

[Jackieharris]

Other than homeschooling and banning screens I don't know what else would be very effective!

[HapShawl]

i'm having a bit of a lightbulb moment here re performance of emotional maturity vs. actual emotional maturity

i agree about fostering supportive environments for girls, where they can trust that they will be heard. also about equipping them with understanding about the political/economic/social environment they live in (which in effect likely means "giving them a feminist education" i think, to arm them against living in a patriarchal environment). i know from reading posts on MN and comments from other women, there are a lot who say that when they were teens the bullying and belittling behaviour they experienced was from other girls, and they are reluctant to engage in all-female groups as a result. and that is something that could be valuable to engage with with girls, exploring that dynamic rather than dismissing it as "girls can be so cruel" or "mean girls" labelling iyswim. i had this problem (though i was bullied by boys too), but i now find that i crave the company of other women.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

YY, agree with that so much, hap.

[didyouwritethe]

Supporting one another is in itself a revolt against patriarchy, which young girls can easily grasp as a concept.

[didyouwritethe]

Teens "get" it on the level of "advertisers want you to hate one another, so don't".

[Peppermilk]

Hi Almond, I saw you on the third thread you mentioned....thanks for backing me up, by the way!! I appreciated that so much, especially as so many posters then accused ME of being dramatic when I just pointed out how I hated to see girls insulted en masse without any real exploration of their lives, circumstances, individuality etc.

Girls are being massively let down.

[INickedAName]

I think a campaign sounds like a good idea. I don't have any useful ideas, just wanted to add my support.

[didyouwritethe]

If it helps, there are loads and loads of feminist MNers who have teen dds. Many of those dds are, unsurprisingly, also feminists.

[Akire]

Might be useful if there was education on what was normal teen stress and what might need more support. Society lets teens just battle through it most of the time not sharing with others depression/self harming etc but there a lot of stigma s d confusion over who/what/if any help.
That goes doubly for parents/carers/friends who want to offer support but not sure what is really serious or not.
I don't think we will get enough money into the system for a long time yet but if they were more speciast GP/nurse who were first port of call at least would give better idea of numbers involved.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

Supporting one another is in itself a revolt against patriarchy, which young girls can easily grasp as a concept.

I like this.

didyou, how's the best way forward?

[nameequality]

How about seeing if @_TYFA would like to link up in some way. (Teenage Youth Feminist Army)?

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

Ooh! Do you think they would?

The only thing I am worried about is, what would not be good would be for us to come across as if we're offering advice from on high - and that would be a risk, right?

I have had really good mentoring (feminist and more general) from people a bit further on that me, and it's really valuable, but what isn't helpful is someone coming along and saying 'we have all these big ideas, let us impose them on you'.

[HapShawl]

it would be really interesting to know what they and any other teen feminist groups are doing and if there is anything we (or MN generally) can do to help. it has to been teen-led. i'm wondering about jump mag too? this isn't an area i know much about

[almondcakes]

Peppermilk, it was good you said something.

Hap shawl, it would be great if we could support something teen led.

[didyouwritethe]

I imagine the best thing would be to start a thread in Site Stuff asking what MN could do to campaign for greater respect for teenage girls, and suggesting TYFA linkage.

Then you could get input from MN as a whole. I can't remember the configuration of ages and genders, but Justine and Carrie must have at least one teen girl between them by now.

Wasn't Jump started by BoffinMum? Or some other MNer?