Wife of Y? Mother of X?

[MarianneSolong]

I jumped in towards the end of this thread.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2131130-AIBU-to-be-annoyed-at-girl-judging-our-family-dynamics?

How comfortable do most people feel here describing themselves in terms of their partner and children?

I think I would only do this when ringing my daughter's school, because the person on reception needs to know that it's a parent/carer/guardian making the call. Ditto at a GP's surgery.

I'd never ever do this in a social context i.e. I wouldn't announce 'I'm married to X. In more formal, professional situations if I was out with my Spouse I wouldn't object to being introduced as 'This is my partner/wife Marianne'.

But if I was out at a party meeting people, I just wouldn't think of bringing in my family life at an early stage in the conversation. I just don't see why it's terribly interesting, if you see what I mean.

[AMumInScotland]

If I'm meeting people who know DH but not me, I'd introduce myself as his wife. If I'm meeting DSs friends, I'd introduce myself as his mum.

But equally if people know me rather than them, they would introduce themselves as AMIS's husband or AMIS's son.

So I don't think there's anything inherently sexist about it.

If we were all meeting a new group of people I might 'sketch us in' as a family group - 'That one over there's my husband, and our son is over at the bar' etc, but just to give them some sort of context for the random collection of people they were meeting. To me, parties are often just a sea of faces and names and I prefer to know if some of them have some sort of connection to each other. 'I'm Jeannie's next door neighbour and this is the dog sitter who helps us both out' etc

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

children/ages/how many children they had

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

ON recent FB event thingy I fond it quite interesting that most people mentioned their children/ages. how many when people introduced themselves actually. BUt maybe it's because we all "met" via MN?

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

I would introduce myself as x's parents or Y's wife if the person was someone who knew my partner or child first. Or if it was in some way relevant. But I can't think how it would come up if that weren't the case? Or do you mean even in the hypothetical "partner's works Christmas party" scenario?

[MarianneSolong]

That's funny Buffy.

Though I'd be inclined to think it odder if someone spent loads of time at a party talking to their own partner.

I am wondering whether there's an element of - old-fashioned word coming up - class in this all. Or is it to do with education>

I tend to feel it's a bit naff/limited to go straight into chat about partners, children as an opening gambit with people you don't know. (Sort of implies you really don't have many interests or topics of conversation up your sleeve.) Unless you're in a very particular situation like the school playground where 'Year 4 is very late out. I'm waiting for my daughter X' is probably an easy way to start a conversation.

[CaptChaos]

I don't like it, but I'm used to it.

We were a military family, and the military is incapable of seeing spouses as anything other than wife of/husband of. You lose your own identity.

I have it back now, with a vengeance.

[ballsballsballs]

I'm not a mother, but am married. I very rarely describe myself as 'mrballsfirstname's wife', unless I'm meeting people who know him, not me. We went to a party last night and I introduced him as X, my husband, because I knew people there.

I didn't take his name, so I know that if anyone calls asking for Mrs Ballswife they're a spammer...

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

I almost never introduce myself as wife or mother, usually only do it if I'm talking to one of DHs friends that I've only met once, sort of a reminder thing. I do get introduced by other people as "Mr Homeworld's wife" sometimes though - he's pretty well known in the area, comes from working at the local pub, and we don't share a last name, so I guess it makes things easier. It bothers me though, I'm a person in my own right and shouldn't have people being nice just because of who I married (it does happen, and it's bloody annoying when I can't stand the person!)

OTOH, I don't mind being called "Mrs MiniHomeworld's Mum" by DS's friends. I think it's quite sweet.