My feed

to access all these features

Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Women being submissive is 'a sign of strength'

14 replies

quizzywizz · 13/04/2013 14:22

In ?My Foot is Too Big for the Glass Slipper,? she writes that ?to truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and ? look out, here it comes ? submissive.?

?I think the idea of living with a partner is ?How can I make their life better???? Reece told Natalie Morales. ?So if I?m the woman and he?s the man, then yes, that?s the dynamic. I?m willing and I choose to serve my family and my husband because it creates a dynamic where he is then in fact acting more like a man and masculine and treating me the way I want to be treated."

OP posts:
CognitiveOverload · 16/04/2013 20:50

Women are sometimes submissive to other why not to men? Being submissive sometimes is the best strategy. ...I think/hope thats what she means.

monsterchild · 16/04/2013 21:07

I think as lifestyle for individual couples its fine, but to say you have to be stronger than any other style of relating is just crap talk. If you're married to an overbearing rank ass, being submissive is probably easier if you're going to stay.

NiceTabard · 16/04/2013 21:23

The clue is there as soon as the word "feminine" is mentioned!

Being female and being "feminine" are not the same things by a long chalk. If you want to be "feminine" then there is a bunch of attributes attached to that which she is reflecting in what she writes (I assume - not read the link!). Of course a man can also adopt these behaviours if he wants to be "feminine" the same as women can adopt "masculine" behaviours if they wish.

For most normal people of course simply behaving as feels natural to them is the best course of action irrespective of such labels.

CognitiveOverload · 16/04/2013 21:25

I don't agree behaving as feels natural is the best course.

NiceTabard · 16/04/2013 21:25

I guess when you get someone female whose personality and preferred behaviours ties in closely with the stereotype of "feminine" they cannot understand why anyone would be anything else.

I have managed to behave as comes naturally to me - which is not terribly "feminine" - with no discernable negative impact on my life Grin

NiceTabard · 16/04/2013 21:27

Barring criminal or hurtful activity, why on earth not?

We are talking about "femininity" and "masculinity" here remember, please don't veer off into talking about bestiality or something.

Kiriwawa · 16/04/2013 21:32

I find it interesting that men who are submissive don't feel the need to write books about how great it is to subjugate themselves to their female partners.

Why is that?

NiceTabard · 16/04/2013 21:36

Also women who are dominant in relationships (not in a pervy way!). There are loads of couples where the woman is in the traditional "masculine" role and the man meeting the definition of "feminine" better and strangely no books about that either.

Bottom line is compatibility.

NiceTabard · 16/04/2013 21:38

And I guess in most relationships both partners show a mix of behaviours which (hopefully) complement each other and don't put either of them firmly in the "masculine" or "feminine" camps.

The dearth of books in that area is again something of a puzzle.

Or maybe there are - I don't spend my time looking at relationship books (what with not being terribly "feminine" and all Wink)

grimbletart · 16/04/2013 22:09

What a twat.

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 16/04/2013 23:56

Prescribing a style of behaviour, based on what works for you and what you enjoy, to an entire gender is pointless, but seems to generate media interest.

Encouraging individual self respect and confidence and then behaving however you want within that security in your relationships is better but boring.

LazarussLozenge · 17/04/2013 23:09

I would say providing both partners have, and nurture in each other, respect and confidence (in ones self and each other) everything else is pretty much up to them.

It may seem a different lifestyle/choice to you, but it isn't wrong.

LazarussLozenge · 17/04/2013 23:24

Oh, to add.

In the past maybe these roles were polarised, but in my case...

I get up early (she has a lie in), feed the kids, shower, wash the kids. In that time the dish washer is emptied (she/we fill it through day), dryer/line filled and washer started again.

I have her breaky ready for when she surfaces.

On the flip side, my lunch is sorted, my dinner is ready as I walk in through the door.

I do bath time and we share bed time.

It's all give and take.

EldritchCleavage · 18/04/2013 11:06

I skimmed the link. It does rather come across as a woman mythologising her own rather mundane marriage for self-promotion and profit.

I don't know, and she doesn't explain, why being 'truly feminine' is intrinsically a good thing.

But if:I?m saying, ?Hey I?ll lift up my side, and I?ll do it happily,? and also the expectation would be, or the hope would be, that he comes with the same attitude. Is it a form of service? Absolutely. But I think it?s the place I can express that part of myself and my personality means she thinks both parties should submit to the idea that the marriage and looking after each other, reciprocity, is more important than the individual man/wife, then I have less of a problem with it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.