Another vent about my father's wife... sorry

[Sunnywithshowers]

My father posted on Facebook today that he was horrified that men were in Oxford's cheerleading team. Wife posts in agreement because 'men should be men and women should be women'.

I tell dad that it's because cheerleading is a gymnastic sport and men tend to chuck women around (technical term :)). Cue dad saying thanks, he didn't know that.

This was her response: No

[MechanicalTheatre]

Tell her that in the USA, football aka soccer is a wishy washy namby pamby GIRLS' sport.

And yes, the George W Bush cheerleader thing.

[ajandjjmum]

'Just trying to educate you!' would be my response.

[Sunnywithshowers]

She's a sexist, creationist, anti-feminist homophobe and she's thick as mince. But she's pretty and defers to my dad (ha!) which is all that counts.

I can't be arsed to get the last word. I really shouldn't get caught up in this - she doesn't do reasoned debate, she does increasingly irritable bigotry.

Anyhoo, there were probably way too many long words in that article for her to read.

[MechanicalTheatre]

I fret about what we're going to do with women like that, come the revolution.

I start thinking about stuff like re-education camps, then I realise that maybe my feminism has become a bit...y'know.

[MrsGeologist]

If you do fancy having the last word, please let it be, 'whevs.'

[Greensleeves]

tell her she's just wel jel cos her boobs aren't what they were

it's the only language these people understand

[MechanicalTheatre]

Or just go for a Scottish classic.

"Yer maw".

Nothing more, nothing less. Works in every situation.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I feel sorry for her.

Why do you direct more of your anger towards your SM than your DF? It sounds as though he chose her because he knew that she would always back him up in his misogynist ways and is happy to hang her out to dry when his DD comes over to make himself look better.

[Sunnywithshowers]

Dione it's because I've had quite a lot of unpleasantness from her since she's been with dad. The only things we have in common are my dad and being women. I am civil, but I don't like her.

On FB I can post something innocuous and all of a sudden she's raged all over it. (She does the same to my DSis and her kids). Dad is at least a bit warmer.

I haven't seen my dad in over 2 years, and unless I arrange it I shan't see him for another 2 years or so. I am angry with him but it's tempered with grief about the relationship we've had, and will never have. And because I love him. I've often thought if he was a boyfriend I'd have ditched him years ago. :(

[Sunnywithshowers]

And she's not my SM. My SM was the woman I grew up with who I loved dearly (after initially giving her shit - I was only a kid). And who he left for his OW. She is my dad's wife.

[Greensleeves]

Maybe try "Oh, I am glad to see one of you CAN be bothered"

your dad is a disgrace

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Oh Sunny I am so sorry that you have had to put up with this. And I probably wouldn't have posted had this been in another topic. We all need to vent about the people who we see making our life more difficult.

But as this was in FWR, I called what I saw as a man being shitty to two women for what it was. Your DF is a grown adult. He has let you down throughout your life. It sounds like he uses women for his own ends and is so good at it that they end up blaming eachother instead of him.

[tribpot]

Also the dad posted something rather kneejerk 'men? Cheerleaders?' and then appeared to acknowledge that Sunny has imparted some information he hadn't thought of, namely cheerleading being a gymnastic discipline requiring strength as well as agility.

[Sunnywithshowers]

I put my comment in here originally because of the initial gendered posts about cheerleading. I totally agree that he's a disgrace.

[Sunnywithshowers]

I hadn't thought Dione about him pitching us against each other. He may even get a little ego boost from it.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Yes Tribot, he sounds absolutely charming. I'd lay a bet that he is being just as charming to his wife offline when she asks why he didn't back her up when she defended him.

But I don't think FWR is the place to slag off individual women, who like the poster, are in thrall to a deeply misogynistic man.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Sunny, once again I am sorry. I will step away from this thread now as I don't think I'm helping your situation.

[Sunnywithshowers]

Dione no need to apologise, you have given me food for thought. It's worth me asking myself why my anger is directed at her, not him, and whether I have internalised misogyny to some degree.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

[Grumpla]

But hang on, I thought it was feminism that made house prices rise and sent this country to the dogs? Now she's telling me it's male cheerleaders? I'm confused, maybe your Dad's wife could pm me to clarify?

[tribpot]

Well, it could be all part of one phenomenon, Grumpla. The masculinisation of women forcing house prices up is leading to a feminisation of men forcing them into cheerleading.

[FrauMoose]

I can't imagine being 'friends' with my one surviving parent on FB. My brother has talked about us becoming FB friends, but I don't think I would respond to a friend request from him - although our relationship is quite friendly in some ways.

Even though this hardly solves the underlying stuff, I don't think family members need communicate/keep up with each other via social media - especially if it brings up feelings which are upsetting. So maybe a bit of 'unfriending' - and use email/texting/phonecalls instead?