My 7 year old son has ideas that boys are better than girls

[MarcelineTheVampireQueen]

And I dont know how to handle it. Its often quite innocent, we might watch a programme and there is a female builder and he would say "Women cant be builders!" and of course I correct that. He loves history and loves hearing about olden time, we read a book that spoke about womens rights and I explained all that to him at an age appropriate level.

Today though, we are planning a party and he told me he doesnt want the girls in his class coming because they wount be able to join in. Its a sporty party, football, ball games, bouncy castle type thing in a sports hall. Its been a long day and I snapped a little and reminded him of what we had spoken about.

DP thinks I am too hard and am pushing the issue, that our son is too young to learn this type of thing. I dont agree.

Am I pushing though? Is there another way I can approach this? I often feel outnumbered here 2 boys to one girl and I almost feel the eyerolling after I talk to him about it.

[Portofino]

Dd (8) just came back from a trip and was talking about the girls she shared a room with. At Easter she is going to astronaut camp and I caught myself wondering out loud how many other girls would be going . Dd was nonplussed by this. Why would girls NOT want to go? I had to backtrack a bit.

[AbigailAdams]

That was meant for sydlexic obviously. Autocorrect, apologies.

[AbigailAdams]

dyslexic, it isn't you teaching your son that women aren't treated as equal but your husband and his huge sense of entitlement

[fedupwithdeployment]

DS1 (8) doesn't come out with much of this type of stuff, but DS2 (6) does. I usually correct him (lightheartedly) and distract him. He will grow out of it...we are an equal household - both work FT, and earn about the same. However, I do more cooking and DH does more DIY. DH tends to drive (because I am lazy and like to snooze, not because he is a better driver).

DS1 hates football, DS 2 loves it.....DS1 loves reading, DS2 is getting there. My SIL thinks DS1 is gay....hey ho, let's see what happens.

[sydlexic]

When my DS was 4 he stood in a restaurant watching a woman eating chips and stood looking at her in absolute shock. He believed women did not eat chips because he had never seen it.

When he was 6 he asked me why I always pretended that women and men were equal, saying it doesn't make it true. He pointed out that when I shouted dinner was ready DH would come to the table and sit and wait to be served but DD and I would pick up the plates and bring them to the dining room.
That DH would choose the TV programme, would always drive. He listed so many things that made me rethink what I was teaching him without realising it.

[lazarusb]

Ds had his 10th birthday last week and a friend of his made a comment about women drivers on Youtube. Ds gave him a right tongue lashing about gender stereotypes and told him not to be sexist - then asked me to explain to his friend what gender stereotyping meant and why it's wrong. I was quite proud, we live in a very equal household. Did make the party go a bit quiet for a while though

[CaffeineAndKeyboards]

DS1 was home educated, then went into school, home ed for a bit and back to school. As he was 6 before starting he was able to comment on thins he found strange, such as the girl/boy divide when playing, but of course after time that was his new norm and he "couldn't" play with girls. We constantly challenge him, talk about sexism when he's around but doing other stuff, and comment on it on screen and in marketing. He's almost 9 and it all seems to be sinking in. It's a process though. Dh is very involved in the home and childcare which is obviously a good example. I don't recall which team sports it was but dh put them on during the Olympics and from later conversations this had a big positive impact on ds with regards to girls and football at school.

[tribpot]

He's definitely not too early to have it challenged. And I'm taking my 7 year old to see Wreck-It Ralph today :) (My DH is the one with mobility issues in our house so he wouldn't necessarily identify the 'otherness' in the same way that your ds would).

My ds will occasionally make comments like "that's for girls" and I always question him about why. His birthday party last year was going to be all boys until he announced he'd invited one of the girls as well - no problem (except for me, I had a panic about what she might like to play with, turned out it was Lego Batman on the Wii same as the others, whilst one of the boys decorated biscuits with me!) and she was quite excited to be going to a party with the boys.

[extracrunchy]

It is everywhere unfortunately. Starts as soon as the pink flowery vs and blue with diggers clothes come out for newborns!

[TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub]

It's everywhere, Marcella, it really is, and a lot of it is even "meant well". Can you find positive examples eg "well, Jess Ennis would have loved a sports party?" Can you ask if he can think of any boys in his class that don't like sport and any girls that do, so that he can see it's a spectrum not just one gender does, one doesn't?

[MarcelineTheVampireQueen]

I think that he thinks if his mam can't do it, all girls can't do it. I'm limited by mobility issues re sports. We aren't a sporty house anyway. I arrange playdates with girls as well as boys, though some mams have thought that strange. Today I said, let's go to the pictures see wreck it Ralph, and he told me I won't like it cos it's about video games!!!

[rotavirusrita]

I continue to lead by example... Dh makes a better roast dinner , but i am better at football for example. I think its common aged5 to 7 ish, but by 9 they grow up a lot!
Mum of 3 boys

[Isabeller]

Hi, I think I am quite feminist but don't hang out in this area much so apologies if I'm out of line.

I wonder if your child is strongly identifying with a team (ie 'boys') with it's own strengths and pride etc. I feel nervous about the idea of arranging for a child to be beaten at something they are confident in and good at as a way of teaching them a lesson about how they label people.

The team could be 'asians' or 'people whose parents drive 4x4s' or anything else which could lead to healthy pride or unhealthy prejudice. (I don't much like how I'm sounding all lecturey, I hope you will excuse me).

Anyway what it all adds up to in my mind is wondering if you can find an activity, music group/woodcraft folk/totally unfamiliar fun sport where your child can experience identifying with a mixed gender team and having pride in that.

I have a grown up girl, no boys. Best of luck

[extracrunchy]

They all go through this phase - but where is he learning girls can't do sports etc?? Must have come from somewhere.

[poachedeggs]

Can you demonstrate all the things you are better at than your DP?

[DreamingofNutella]

Tv doesn't help. Sports are so male dominated. Could you take him to a women's football/rugby/hockey/etc match? And actually show him that girls do cool sporty stuff too?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

I will never sleep again!!!!

[CaseyShraeger]

On other threads, I mean, obviously. Not this one. No one could imagine that.

[OliviaMumsnet]

Tis NOT the bat.

[CaseyShraeger]

You're rocking the bat recently, Olivia.

[OliviaMumsnet]

Get some sleep Pam Puds, You look tired.

[HairyHandedTrucker]

Ooh what happened? Quick while olivia isn't looking!

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

[OliviaMumsnet]

@Beehatch

Nice move Olivia.

We are always watching.