Why am I struggling to cut dd's hair short?

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

DD is 2 (nearly 3). She is rough and tumble and gives her older brother a run for his money in any physical activity. She's not at all interested in dresses/ skirts and wants to be in jeans and trainers all the time. All good.

But she HATES having her chin length hair brushed. It's semi curly and knots a lot. It hurts when I brush it for her and makes her cry. She has repeatedly asked me to cut it short like her older brothers (cropped very short). I have no idea why I am reluctant to do this; I don't want to hurt her. I guess I have never seen a two year old girl with cropped hair and I worry about what people will think. I know this is ridiculous and that I my refusal to do so is down to gender stereotyping.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Would you consider cutting your young dd's hair very short?

[AmberLeaf]

Yes because it is hurting to have it brushed.

Five mins on the internet will tell the OP how to brush her childs hair without making her cry.

Do that and then see if she still wants it cut.

[LadyMargolotta]

Amberleaf - I assume, from what you say, that you are making a political statement by having boys with long hair.

[AmberLeaf]

LadyMargolotta

No my boys are old enough to choose their own hairstyles, they chose to have longer hair. I was fine with that because keeping it tangle free wasn't a big deal.

They are old enough to do their own hair now, but when they were younger I did it, no big deal.

They can do what they like with their hair.

[TheSmallClanger]

The issue isn't the time spent with the brush, it's the pain it's causing this little girl, who has repeatedly requested a haircut.

Obviously, we don't give in when our DCs request everything, but if the girl wants shorter hair, and her mum can see the benefits, it should be a win-win situation.

Amber, haircuts are not about making a political point. It's only hair for fucks' sake, why is women's hair so pwecious and important?

[HullyEastergully]

Forgetting all the rest, if one human being, of whatever age/gender, says "please cut my hair off" why on earth not do so?

[AmberLeaf]

TheSmallClanger

There is no need at all for hairbrushing to be painful.

Your last question, ask yourself.

[sausagesandwich34]

why are you even brushing curly hair?

wash it, condition it + leave a bit of the conditioner in the hair

when she gets out of the bath get her to turn her head upside down and run your fingers through it, and then just leave it

if it looks untidy in the morning, sprits with water and give it a quick scrunch

I have curly hair, my mum cut it and then when I was old enough for her to let me grow it, I spent 3 years looking like a mushroom -I used to have enough kirby grips in my hair to try and tie it up, I kept them in business

as if the teenage years aren't bad enough

[TheSmallClanger]

I've already asked myself, and the answer is "I don't know". As I said. I do know that when I cut my hair off, my face shape, my comparatively big eyes and my long neck become really apparent - in one way, it's about emphasising my best features, instead of hiding behind impractical long hair.

Why should little girls have to undergo lengthy, uncomfortable hairbrushing sessions in the morning, when no-one insists on tedious grooming routines for little boys?

[reddwarf]

why don't you cut it shorter as an interim step? Maybe she will be happy enough with it? My dd had long hair and it got knotty and she hated having it brushed too. She also refused to wear ponytails/plaits/hair bands or slides, so in the end I had it cut into a bob - fringe about a cm above eyebrows and hair straight cut just below ears. It really suits her, she still looks like a girl and hair hardly gets knotted and never in eyes/mouth now.

Most hairdressers don't recommend a drastic cut, but if it's long, go first for above shoulder length and work your way up if she still wants to go shorter.

[AmberLeaf]

SGM

I wasn't one of those people, I told my story from the point of being the child.

I didn't like having long hair one day, then having none the next.

I won't go into it, but my hair being cut off was practically a ceremony!

Ive heard all about the politics behind feminism, I was raised by a feminist.

[AmberLeaf]

Why should little girls have to undergo lengthy, uncomfortable hairbrushing sessions in the morning, when no-one insists on tedious grooming routines for little boys?

They absolutely shouldn't.

But that is my point!

Hair is only a big deal if you make it one.

It shouldn't and doesn't have to hurt.

[AmberLeaf]

I have very curly hair.

I wash and dry it on average once a fortnight.

Inbetween, my morning routine is, get up, shower, dress, look in the mirror and smile.

That is it, I am not one for faffing with my hair and I haven't been to the hairdresser or cut my own hair for years.

So please don't think Im suggesting lenghty ablutions in order to look pretty for the boys,.

[MiniTheMinx]

The child wants short hair, so cut it and then give her the confidence to say "I'm a girl" job done. But she probably already has the confidence, that gets kicked out of you later when you realise that to be a girl, you must look like one, act like one and be deferential to men and apologise if you are in anyway displeasing in looks or behaviour. By insisting she have long hair you are reinforcing the idea that women/girls can only be valued by some pre-conceived idea of what is feminine. She might grow up flat chested, above average height, live in trousers and want to be an engineer, what will you do then? instead of focusing on what she looks like, focus on how she feels and what she wants and what she says.

[TheSmallClanger]

You only wash your hair once a fortnight?
You are either lying, or you stink. I work with airline pax and you can smell the ones who don't wash their hair from a mile away.

[TuftyFinch]

I have always had short hair. Everyone thought I was a boy but that was more to do with what I wore I think, I didn't want to wear dresses and my mother didn't make me (apart from the awful bridesmaid episode). I've got short hair now, when it grows I just chop it a bit. I even let the DC cut it with safety scissors DD has a short bob, I'd like to cut it shorter because it's very fine she wants it long. Because all the girls she knows have long hair. I've said she can grow it if she /let's me brush it twice a day. Otherwise it gets cut. Also i'm rubbish at bobbles and clips. Although luckily, at 4, she wants to do it herself. This results in some looks from patents at school but ...
So, ramble, ramble I think you should cut it because she wants you to and it would be easier.

[sausagesandwich34]

clanger you are lovely!

lots of people with curly hair wash their hair pretty infrequently -every 2 weeks is not unusual

I wash mine more because I work in a very dusty environment but if I have a fortnight off I will only wash it once

[Thing3WasKissingSanta]

DD3 is 2.3 and has very short hair, grade 8, after her 4 year old sister decided to play hairdresser. I have had very positive comments from all but 3 people and what they said made me so I didn't pay any attention (supposedly girls should have bunches and she is going to be a lesbian!). She does get mistaken for a boy quite a bit but she doesn't notice.

I am going to keep it like this until she asks to grow it long. It is easy and quick plus she really suits it. I have a picture on my profile if you want to have a nosy :)

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

Gosh thanks for a really interesting discussion (I'm in the States which is why I am replying at odd hours). I read one reply here (e.g. KRITIQ) and think 'yes' that's what I mean. And then I read another (e.g. Amberleaf) and it cuts a bit close to the bone! I am coming to feminism quite late in life and I would never have considered cutting her hair had she been born 10 years ago before I started thinking about these things. So Amber's statement about cutting hair coinciding with feminist journeys really hits the mark in an uncomfortable way.

On the other hand.... she has asked for it to be cut. It does hurt her. I could find a better way to brush it but surely since she wants it cut, the easiest thing is just to cut it? The only thing that stops me is the concern that it doesn't conform to stereotype. And I realise this is rubbish. I realise that for this reason, I should cut it. And yet I am struggling to do so....

[BooCanary]

It's a tricky one. Part of me thinks why the hell shouldn't a girl have really short hair - there is no reason why not. From a women's rights view - of course we shouldn't feel pressure to have long hair to fulfil some feminine ideal. But the reality is often not so simple.

However, when I was young (6 or 7), my mum (who is of the practical 'it's not a fashion parade' school of thought and is actually a keen feminist) cut my hair VERY short. She encouraged me to keep it short for quite a few years, as it was easier to manage (she also refused to let me near pink/pretty dresses etc as blue jeans and a red jumper were much more suitable for active children). I repeatedly got mistaken for a boy and teased about it at school. I do believe it is part of the reason I don't feel attractive or feminine as an adult - the knowledge that actually it is only my hair that stops me looking masculine. Sounds silly, but there you go!

Saying all that, many women and young girls look lovely with short hair (I dream of the sort of pixie features that can pull it off!).And the main thing is what your DD wants. I never wanted short hair, but it seems like your DD does, so go for it. It will always grow back.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

Cross post a bit; MiniTheMinx, yes I think your reply has to be right. I just need to get over myself really.

[TheSmallClanger]

There is a particular nasty smell which correlates to "unwashed hair". If you only wash your hair once every two weeks, how do you avoid it? I'm genuinely interested, although this is veering off-topic.

I think this is demonstrating the rigmaroles and "routines" that we get into with hair, and how almost-obsessed we are with it. I bet men with curly hair don't go through this amount of soul-searching (and I've smelt some of them , they don't.)

[AmberLeaf]

TheSmallClanger

No Im not lying and No I don't stink.

Sauagesandwich is right, lots of people with curly hair don't wash their hair that often, as it strips healthy natural oils and makes it dry and can give you an itchy scalp.

Im actually laughing here that you took that line and were so rude to me about my hair washing habits TBH.

Im thinking it makes you look like a bit of a hypocrite on this thread.

[sausagesandwich34]

I know the dirty hair smell -bit like a sheep

however curly hair is much less oily and it takes a long time for that oil to travel along the hair shaft so it doesn't look greasy

it also doesn't smell

I have 2 dcs, one with curly hair and 1 with a slight wave

if the wavy hair one doesn't wash her hair every other day we know about it

curly once a week, no smell